Recognising that, for almost three days of his election campaign, Keir Starmer was able to leverage relatability, albeit vicariously, on the strength of his father being a toolmaker, twitchy, slightly panicky members of Rishi Sunak’s PR team announced plans to forceable enrol Yashvir Sunak into toolmaking at his local adult learning centre.
We’re almost through the first week of Pride month and whilst the usual social commentators have been vocal in their criticisms of the celebration, it’s refreshing to see local bigot Simon Williams enter the spirit of commemorating gay pride by announcing a temporary sabbatical on his campaign of fear and intimidation against minority groups.
After Nike released a new England kit featuring a St George’s cross in a colour other than red, Simon Williams has been quick to take to social media screaming “Go Woke go broke!” without noticing that he hasn’t been rewarded financially for his life as a serial bigot.
Following the roaring success of his trans joke in front of the parents of Brianna Ghey during last week’s Prime Ministers Questions, Sunak’s advisors have been looking to gain political traction by writing fresh material which specifically targets marginalised groups.
NASA has announced it will no longer be ‘going to the moon’ in 2026 as the film set is already in use.
In a bid to stop his 5-year-old son composing and performing music which administrators of the lowest rings of hell would ban for being too abrasive, Simon Williams has been approaching presents gifted to his son with the same level of suspicion as a grizzled minesweeper in the fields of Afghanistan.
Horrified parents have been subjected to a three hour nativity play thanks to the sadistic and vindictive nature of the children’s primary school teacher.
Thanks to an unexpected breakthrough, scientists have unveiled an electron microscope powerful enough to accurately observe Rishi Sunak’s chances of success in any future election.
After Mariah Carey’s ‘All I Want for Christmas is You’ began playing in stores across the UK in November, it has caught the ears of staff and customers with the same clarity and sense of impending dread as a nuclear air raid siren.
As NHS waiting lists reached a record 7.6 million, a man waiting for a routine procedure on his left hip has successfully shifted his anger onto Britain’s cyclists whilst weighing up if he could justify the cost of using his toaster for the reduced crumpets he’d picked up in the supermarket.
After the less-than-stellar box office performance of Disney film ‘Lightyear’, which featured a same-sex kiss, and the drop in sales of Bud Light for employing a transgender brand ambassador, Simon Williams has been quick to take to social media commenting “Go Woke go broke” without noticing that he hasn’t been rewarded financially for his life as a bigot.
Despite Partygate and a string of other high-profile scandals, including lying to Parliament, a new poll has discovered that Boris Johnson is still seen as the better choice for prime minister over opposition leader Keir Starmer by some hardcore simpletons.
As the UK embraces its 4th chancellor in little more than four months, the nation’s hard-working satirists have been left playing catch-up trying to think of a nickname that could be applied and widely adopted for Jeremy Hunt.
As the Liberal democrats accuse Kwami Kwarteng of breaching ministerial code by attending a champagne reception with financiers -immediately- before trashing the economy and making financiers staggeringly rich, Metropolitan police warn that they’re already two Prime Ministers behind on investigating serious abuses of power.
Simon Williams has been setting hearts aflutter in Leighton Buzzard winebars with talk of his dual fuel heating system, with a new survey suggesting the ability to heat a home now being listed as one of the top 10 most desirable qualities people look for in a partner. Simon Williams admitted his initial joke about
Soon to be struck off Westminster-based therapist, Simon Williams, has accidentally confided that the Labour leader regularly dreams of failing to score an open goal, despite the odds being overwhelming in his favour to do so. “It’s a real head-scratcher,” explained Williams after one too many drinks at the local bar. “In this dream he
Liz Truss has hit back at campaigners against lifting the Fracking Ban, labelling their anti-natural disaster stance as the worst kind of woke virtue signalling.
As NHS waiting lists reached a record 6.8 million, a man waiting for a routine procedure on his left hip has successfully shifted his anger onto Britain’s cyclists whilst weighing up if he could justify the cost of using his toaster for the reduced crumpets he’d picked up in the supermarket.
Whilst political satire has always been a mainstay at the Edinburgh Fringe, commentators are concerned that comedians are unfairly punching down on the soon to be unemployed Boris Johnson.
A man has recently pointed out that vegans never shut about being vegan, seemingly unaware that he has a habit of sharing photos of every large steak he consumes.
Covid is basically the flu, but we definitely shouldn’t be treating it the same way we treat flu, according the Internet’s great thinkers today.
Following the middling box office performance of Disney film ‘Lightyear’, which features a same-sex kiss, Simon Williams was quick to take to social media commenting “Go Woke go broke” without noticing that he hasn’t been rewarded financially for his life as a bigot.
A recent poll conducted by the Observer newspaper suggested that after Partygate and a string of other high profile scandals, Boris Johnson was still seen as the better choice for prime minister over opposition leader Keir Starmer.
After Amber Rudd resigned in support of the twenty-one Conservative colleagues sacked last week, the decorated former Stasi officer who now serves as the DWP’s media consultant told reporters, ‘That sounds like a moral judgement. Morality has no place within these walls’.
Burnley resident Simon Williams was left shocked at being told to ‘go back home’ at his local pub merely because it was 1 hour and 15 minutes after last orders.
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