UK

Mark Francois complains that ‘remainer-biased galleries’ refused to exhibit his artwork

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Tory backbencher and self-published memoir-writer has today lashed out at the many remainer-owned galleries that steadfastly refused to host an exhibition of artwork he produced during lockdown.

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Man who had a WWII shell removed from his rectum identified as Mark Francois

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A man who accidentally inserted an inert WWII shell into his rectum has today been identified as Tory backbencher and perpetual Blitzphile, Mark Francios.

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Nigel Farage launches re-imagined nativity where ‘the real heroes’ are the innkeepers who insisted they were full

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GB News entertainment presenter Nigel Farage has commissioned a new nativity play in which the true heroes are the innkeepers who insisted they were full, despite increasing left-wing liberal pressure to adopt an open-door policy to refugees.

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Prince Charles announces plan to replace Beefeaters with Quorneaters

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Prince Charles has announced plans to extend his vegan tendencies to the Tower of London once he ascends to the throne.

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Matt Hancock’s Spotify Wrapped has Shaggy’s “It Wasn’t Me” as top song

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Matt Hancock’s Spotify Wrapped is serving up no surprises whatsoever.

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Macron makes grovelling apology to clowns for comparing them to Boris Johnson

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A social media uproar by clowns and their allies has coerced the Elysee Palace into responding to a report that the French President had privately compared clowns to the joke without a punchline that is the Prime Minister of the UK.

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Six dead as anti-facemask campaigners suffocate during weekly shop at Tesco

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Tragedy has struck the Slough branch of Tesco after six anti-facemask campaigners were finally proven right by suffocating to death after being forced to wear a facemask while doing their weekly shop.

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Five-second rule for food dropped on floor reduced to two seconds

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The five-second rule regarding the safe consumption of food that has fallen on the floor has been reduced to two seconds in light of the new variant tearing across the country.

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Companies to allow employees to quietly have individual Christmas parties at their desks

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Many large companies are cancelling their office Christmas parties this year, and instead are asking employees to quietly have their own individual Christmas parties alone at their own desks.

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Vacuum cleaner hitting gym hard in preparation for tinsel season

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‘Tis the season to constantly clear up stray bits of tinsel, so your vacuum cleaner needs to be in great shape.

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