UK

Spectator magazine unites British Isles in not giving a toss about their bizarre little crusade against Nicola Sturgeon

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The pillar of the conservative literati for two centuries, the Spectator magazine, has accused the general public in the UK of being woke leftwaffe SJWs after it was revealed nobody really gives a fuck about Alex Salmond’s dismissal.

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We’ll ensure no child is left behind unless they need food, says government

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Boris Johnson has assured the public that no child will be left behind due to Covid, unless of course their parents don’t have decent jobs.

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Rangers fans devastated as Neil Lennon leaves Celtic

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Glasgow Rangers fans are devastated today at the news that Celtic manager Neil Lennon has left the club.

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‘Vaccine passports will definitely not be mandatory’ insists government, ‘unless you want to leave the house’

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The government has confirmed today that so called ‘vaccine passports’ will not become mandatory for all UK adults, until at least next month when of course they will, if you wish to actually leave your house and visit a real life place.

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Tony Blair and Gordon Brown finally admit they are Daft Punk

Tony Blair and Gordon Brown

Legendary dance act Daft Punk have announced they have split and have, finally, revealed their identities.

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Man remaining cautious on lockdown easing by only booking three holidays and six all dayers in April

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A man has revealed today that he remains very reserved and cautious about the dates for the easing of lockdown, after booking just three immediate holidays for the remainder of the year and only planning six all dayers with his mates from April.

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Knackered couple bitterly regret staying up for sex

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A married couple are wearily trying to work out what the hell they were thinking when they chose sex over sleep at ten o’clock last night.

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Introverts dreading the easing of restrictions on social gatherings

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Introverts have today expressed their dismay at Boris Johnson’s plans to gradually ease social restrictions.

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Prick takes on c*nt in epic ‘battle of the arseholes’ live on GMB

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Good Morning Britain once again created the day’s social media buzz as viewers got to watch a complete fanny shout at a total cock while they both jostled to become the nation’s most noxious rectum.

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Steve Baker’s CRG demand a ‘more death-y’ roadmap out of lockdown

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Steve Baker, the leader of the Covid Recovery Group, has hit out at the newly announced roadmap out of lockdown claiming it isn’t nearly fatal enough for the majority of people.

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