UK

Visit to friend’s garden slightly spoiled by ill-fitting adult diaper

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As lockdown measures begin to ease, some of those lucky enough to visit friends have spoken of an experience slightly ruined by wearing the wrong size adult diaper while in their gardens.

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Man spotted with 24 burgers insists its for a small family BBQ, on Monday

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A man spotted buying 24 burgers, 2 trays of chicken, 18 pork chops, 20 lamb skewers and 3 bags of charcoal is insisting today that he was just buying a few provisions for a small intimate barbecue for immediate family only, on Monday, when the ban on such gatherings is lifted.

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Zippy, Bungle and George to have piss-up with Rod, Jane and Freddy as groups of six allowed to meet

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Gatherings of six people will be allowed next week so the occupants of the Rainbow household are planning to invite a few of their musician mates around and get absolutely leathered.

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Boris Johnson bans political subjects from Prime Minister’s Questions

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The Prime Minister is banning politics from PMQs in order to prevent ‘unfair’ lines of questioning.

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Epidemiologists to tell plumbers and taxi drivers how to do their jobs for a change

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Virologists and Epidemiologists have begun telling builders, crystal therapists and newspaper columnists that they’re idiots who haven’t a clue how to do their jobs, according to reports today.

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New Coronavirus guidelines allow people to do all the things they started doing three weeks ago

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New guidelines issued by the government will allow people to start doing all the things they started doing weeks ago, according to reports today.

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Hong Kong protestors considering inviting Dominic Cummings for visit so people might start giving a shit about them again

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Thousands of Hong Kong protestors have come together to formulate a new plan to invite UK APM (Actual Prime Minister), Dominic Cummings, to a tour of the city, in an effort to attract international attention to its plight.

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City of Durham told to self-isolate for 14-days as ‘test and trace’ system launched in UK

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The whole city of Durham is being contacted this morning and told to self isolate for 14-days under new test and trace measures aimed at finding members of the public who have been in contact with someone who has coronavirus.

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People to ‘Clap For Cummings’ 250 miles outside their front door

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At eight o’clock this evening the UK will honour the sacrifices made by Dominic Cummings as everyone travels 250 miles to applaud for a minute.

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Wasps hold conservatory for third day

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Wasps have maintained their hold on a suburban family’s conservatory for a third day.

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