UK

Eight-year-old left in tears after Laurence Fox steals his veganuary joke

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Eight-year-old Jake Williams was left inconsolable today after discovering actor Laurence Fox had used his veganuary joke on Twitter without crediting him.

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Venn diagram of people astonished Harry is leaving, and people who spent two years abusing his wife, is a circle

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The Venn diagram of people who are astonished and angry that Harry is leaving the Royal Family and people who have called his wife a bitch since she arrived is a circle, according to reports this afternoon.

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If planet is warming why did I have to scrape ice off my car this morning, asks Brexit Party environment spokesperson

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As scientists announced that the last decade was the warmest on record, the Brexit Party’s environment spokesperson has said that can’t be true as they had to wear socks in bed last night.

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‘No alignment with common sense after Brexit’ warns Sajid Javid

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Chancellor, Sajid Javid has accepted that businesses will be hit by Brexit and is tackling this by ensuring “there will be no alignment” to any semblance of coherent rationality because we MUST deviate from all EU rules, obvs.

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Royal Mail to become ‘Mail’ as it steps back from delivery duties

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The UK’s postal service is to lose its royal prefix because it no longer wants to deliver letters.

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Harry and Meghan’s new titles to be ‘mate’ and ‘love’

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Following the news that Harry and Meghan will no longer use their ‘HRH’ titles, it has been decided that their new titles will be ‘mate’ and ‘love’.

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Woman on a health kick now thinks she’s a f*cking life coach

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A woman who only a couple of weeks ago was gorging herself on cold pigs in blankets and boxes of Celebrations, now considers herself eminently qualified to make assessments on other people and their poor life choices, it has emerged.

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Shock as Brexiter plan for ‘Big Ben bong’ fails due to being an expensive vanity project where no-one considered the practicalities

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The failing Big Ben bong campaign has been revealed as the perfect metaphor, in which an extremely expensive vanity project has not been thought through by the people advocating for it.

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New series to see Bear Grylls attempt to survive in post-Brexit Britain

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A new Channel Four series will see survival expert and former SAS serviceman Bear Grylls face his toughest challenge yet – attempting to survive in a post-Brexit Britain.

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Bond producers reassure fans that 007 will always be a violent misogynist

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The producers of the James Bond films have confirmed that the secret agent will continue to behave abhorrently towards women.

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