UK

“It gets easier”, Johnson assures Hancock

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Boris Johnson has lent a supportive ear to Matt Hancock following news of the Health Secretary’s first extra-marital affair (that we know of).

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Entire nation has little bit of sick in mouth

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The entire nation currently has a little bit of sick in its mouth after waking to find pictures of Matt Hancock in a passionate embrace with what appears to be an actual woman.

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Hancockery, the mystery cad – by TS Eliot

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Hancockery’s the Health Secret’ry, he’s called the hopeless twat

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Government takes huge step in proving it is not beholden to wealthy donors by adding Cayman Islands to travel green list

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The government has taken a huge step in ending speculation that they will bend over backwards for their wealthy donors by adding the Cayman Islands to a list of places to which you are now allowed to travel.

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“I was just trying to flatten her curves” insists Matt Hancock

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The Health Secretary claims that he was squeezing his aide’s buttocks only in order to flatten her curves.

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Matt Hancock tipped for Tory leadership after photos emerge of him having an affair

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Bookies have today shortened the odds of Matt Hancock stepping us as Conservative Party leader after photos were published of him wearing someone who isn’t his wife as a facemask.

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Proud and patriotic Brexit supporters excited by new opportunity to pay more for their mobile bills

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Proud Brexit supporters are today hailing the opportunity to pay more for their mobile bills when using them abroad, after years of meddling eurocrats needlessly securing them cheaper mobile rates throughout the EU.

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Travel firms desperate to learn to which countries they can drastically increase the cost of holidays

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Travel companies are desperately waiting for news today of the countries to which they can drastically increase the price for a holiday the very instant that they are placed on the green list for travel.

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“Two World Wars and one World Cup” chirps man who didn’t want politics in football

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A man who previously claimed he didn’t want politics in football is busting out the war metaphors again.

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‘D-Day’ instead of ‘kick-off’: The Brexiter’s guide to England vs Germany

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England’s next opponents in Euro 2020 provide the perfect excuse to wheel out some lovely comforting WWII terminology.

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