UK

New Worst Prime Minister in History set to be in place for July

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A new Worst Prime Minister in History will be in place by July of this year.

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Theresa May’s leaving do just her drinking scotch through a straw while crying

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Theresa May’s leaving do is to be a quiet affair – consisting of just her.

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Theresa was a hardworking, admirable Prime Minister and as a personal friend I’m sad to see her go, says Tory MP who called for her hanging yesterday

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Local MP Simon Williams had paid tribute to Theresa May, whom he called: ‘The People’s Warrior,’ saying that it was sadly time to go, and she will be greatly missed, a day after spitting at her portrait in the Houses of Parliament.

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Theresa May dusts off CV before realising Achievements section doesn’t need updating

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Theresa May has dusted off her CV in order to update it for her new job search, only to realise the section on Achievements requires no updating whatsoever.

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Mark Francois to spend Bank Holiday masturbating to The Great Escape

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Legitimate military man and Tory MP Mark Francois has revealed that he intends to spend the Bank Holiday masturbating to classic war film The Great Escape.

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Theresa May informs Tory Brexiters ‘Therexit means Therexit’

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Theresa May has told the executive of the 1922 Committee of Tory backbench MPs that ‘Therexit means Therexit’, adding ‘I don’t know why no-one understands what that means’.

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But you don’t mind Google spying on you? asks Huawei

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Tech giant Huawei has pointed out that Britain and the US don’t seem to object to intrusive surveillance by other companies

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Arseholes reminded that milkshaking volunteers instead of politicians makes them look like petulant scumbags

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Dickheads across the country have been reminded that throwing milkshakes over volunteers because they don’t like the colour of their rosette makes them look like childish cunts.

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Prick insists on taking his own f*cking biro into the polling booth

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A fucking arsehole is guarding against electoral irregularities by taking his own biro to the polling booth.

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Stubborn stains to be renamed ‘Theresa Mays’

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Unwanted stains that are impossible to get rid of are henceforth to be known as Theresa Mays.

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