UK

Durham County Cricket appoint Skeletor as ‘sporting consultant’

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Durham have dropped a second major bombshell in the space of 24 hours by appointing Skeletor to advise on ‘all cricket-related operations’.

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Anti-Brexit petition signed by three-million means nothing, insists man who proudly organised pro-Brexit march for three-dozen

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As three million people signed a petition asking the government to rescind Article 50, Nigel Farage has said the views of those people can be easily dismissed because he currently has about forty people walking to London with the opposite opinion.

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Hundreds of Brexit gagging orders necessary to stop you getting too excited about our wonderful no-deal preparation, insists Government

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The government has put in place hundreds of gagging order on the businesses and organisations they’ve contracted with as part of their no-deal preparation, purely because they are worried people will get too excited when they realise how brilliant it’s going to be.

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Jeremy Corbyn storms out of key Brexit meeting due to ‘intolerable presence’ of Jaffa cakes

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A slow media storm has been brewing over reports that Jeremy Corbyn walked out of a crucial Brexit meeting with Theresa May and other party leaders, explaining that he had specifically agreed to come for tea and biscuits and that the presence of Jaffa cakes was an ‘insult to Labour voters’.

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Man who spent two years saying ‘we’re leaving on 29th March so suck it up snowflake’ eerily quiet this morning

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A man who has spent every Brexit discussion for the last two years telling everyone they need to get over it because we’re leaving the EU on 29th March 2019 has this morning gone very quiet.

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Scotland loses to Borat

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Scotland has slipped to a humiliating defeat in the Euro2020 qualifiers to a man in a green mankini.

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“I’m on YOUR side” insists woman who has cut police and public services to the f*cking bone

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Theresa May is on YOUR side, apparently.

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Cersei Lannister uses TV address to tell Westeros peasants “I’m on your side”

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Ruthless dictator Cersei Lannister has assured the peasants of Westeros that she is ‘on their side’.

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Instead of telling us what we think about Brexit maybe you should try asking us, nation tells Theresa May

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After being told how they feel about Brexit by an increasingly out-of-touch prime minister, voters at home have insisted the best way of finding out how someone feels is to ask them.

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The actress who plays me has wonderful tax lawyers, reveals Lorraine kelly

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Television’s Lorraine Kelly has revealed that the actor who plays her on television – coincidentally also called Lorraine Kelly – is lucky to have such talented tax lawyers in her employ.

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