UK

Thames Water issues moon with overdue water bill

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Thames Water has wasted absolutely no time in calculating the moon’s water bill.

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Government set to ban Halloween trick or treating, just in case any hungry kids get fed

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The government is set to ban trick or treating this Halloween it has been revealed, just in case any desperate hungry children are inadvertently fed.

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Organisms on moon think Tory MPs are scum, announce NASA

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NASA has announced that they have received a mysterious signal from the lunar surface stating that all Tory MPs are scum.

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Nation actually kind of intrigued to know what excuse government will use when it inevitably U-turns on school meals

Thumbnail image for Nation actually kind of intrigued to know what excuse government will use when it inevitably U-turns on school meals

As pressure mounts on the government to reverse its decision to refuse free meals to underprivileged children during the school holidays, the nation has been left intrigued to know which excuse will be chosen for the inevitable u-turn.

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Poppy-geddon due to begin imminently

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With less than a month to go before Remembrance Day, it is expected that England will shortly descend into its annual bout of Poppy insanity.

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Man who doesn’t watch Strictly because ‘dancing is for gays’ furious as show includes first ever same-sex pairing

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A man who refuses to watch Strictly Come Dancing on tv because ‘dancing is just for girls and gays’ is furious this morning as the people continue to laud the show’s first-ever same-sex couple.

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Tory suggests poor families make their own Confit de Canard rather than visit expensive French bistros

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A leading Tory has suggested that it would be quite simple for families to make their own Confit de Canard at home, rather than frittering away money on visits to expensive French bistros.

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People claiming to be ‘true British patriots’ oddly determined that a portion of British children should starve

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A bizarre number of people who count patriotism as one of their personality traits are determined to see a bit of Britain go hungry.

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Tory MP Ben Bradley wakes up refreshed following lovely dream in which he was hailed as national hero for proving Marcus Rashford wrong to feed hungry children

Thumbnail image for Tory MP Ben Bradley wakes up refreshed following lovely dream in which he was hailed as national hero for proving Marcus Rashford wrong to feed hungry children

Tory backbench MP woke feeling lovely and refreshed this morning, after a frankly delightful dream in which he was hailed as a national hero for showing the nation how wrong Marcus Rashford was for trying to feed the country’s hungry children.

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Tories step up campaign to prevent children eating by criminalising grandparents who give kids sweets

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The Government has sought to step up its campaign against children eating food by making it a criminal offence for grandparents to give their grandchildren sweets.

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