UK

Parliament to be given vote between May’s terrible Brexit deal and catastrophe of no deal

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Prime Minister Theresa May is presenting her Brexit deal to her cabinet colleagues before a parliamentary vote is scheduled on her negotiated terms, which will give MPs the choice between an awful deal, and an even worse one.

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Employee who misread lotto numbers frantically cleaning his own shit from manager’s desk

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An office employee has made a grave error, according to reports this morning.

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“Come on then, fuckers!” roars drunken Theresa May at Brexit cabinet meeting

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Theresa May has finally snapped and is offering a fist-fight to all who oppose her Brexit plan.

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Esther McVey and Andrea Leadsom awake to find horse heads in their beds

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Leading Brexit campaigners Esther McVey and Andrea Leadsom have told of waking up to find severed horse heads in their beds.

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Shock as Toy Story 4 trailer hints at introduction of sex toy character

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Fans of the Toy Story franchise have been left stunned today after it was revealed that the next instalment will include a new character in the form of a sex toy evidently belonging to Andy’s mother.

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“You can have a freakshake when you stop being so f*cking fat” confirms government

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No, of course you can’t enjoy a freakshake, you fat sack of shit, confirmed this government this morning.

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Harry Redknapp’s I’m A Celebrity luxury item revealed to be a chequebook

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Football manager Harry Redknapp will be taking part in this series of I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here, and has chosen someone else’s chequebook at the luxury item he can’t be without.

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Number of paedophiles exposed by Tommy Robinson remains steady at zero

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Tommy Robinson still hasn’t actually brought any paedophiles to trial, according to new research today.

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Couple who named child Farage Rees-Mogg face jail

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A couple with extreme beliefs face jail after it was revealed they had named their child Farage Rees-Mogg.

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Jeremy Corbyn criticised for attending Remembrance Day service in his pyjamas

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The disrespectful leader of the opposition Jeremy Corbyn has shown his disdain for the nation’s brave heroes by attending Sunday’s Remembrance Day service at the Cenotaph in his pyjamas.

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