UK

Irony-free Arron Banks loudly complaining about people using his personal data without his express permission

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Using personal information without the person’s express permission is the sort of thing that should only happen to other people, according to Arron Banks today.

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Made-up Labour spending plans could cost a squillion bazillion pounds, say Tories

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The Tories have issued a warning that a set of entirely fictional spending plans from Labour could cost a squillion bazillion pounds.

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Women everywhere ruining International Men’s Day by asking ‘Yeah but when is International WOMEN’S Day’

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International Men’s Day is being ruined by ignorant women who seem intent on using it as an opportunity to highlight an inequality that isn’t even there.

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Woman shocked that notorious liar who cheated on his wife with her is not calling her back

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Jennifer Arcuri, a woman that makes British men of a certain age think of Razzle, has been left flabbergasted that the lardy toff who committed adultery with her, in a sordid affair involving embezzlement and stripper poles, turned out to be an unreliable shit.

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Lib Dem promise “to deliver the moon on a stick”, is fully costed, party insists

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In an attempt to outflank spending pledges by Tory and Labour candidates in the run-up to the general election, Lib Dem leader Jo Swinson has promised every voter the moon on a stick, should the Lib Dems be returned to power on 12th December.

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Chip shop staff still stuck at work 20 hours after asking Jeremy Corbyn if he wants salt and vinegar

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A chippie in Lancaster saw the creation of a huge queue and staff forced to work round the clock after the Labour leader ordered a small chips and battered veggie sausage but steadfastly refused to give a clear answer when asked if he wanted his chips seasoned.

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Children in Need celebrates raising less than half the cost of Boris Johnson’s aborted ‘Get Ready for Brexit’ ad campaign

Thumbnail image for Children in Need celebrates raising less than half the cost of Boris Johnson’s aborted ‘Get Ready for Brexit’ ad campaign

Friday night saw Children in Need raise an incredible £47.9m, which is almost half the amount Boris wasted on a vainglorious ad campaign for a Brexit deadline he knew he couldn’t achieve.

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I couldn’t have been interviewed by Emily Maitlis because I was at a Burger King in Swansea, insists Prince Andrew

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The Duke of York claims he couldn’t possibly have been in Buckingham Palace being interviewed for Newsnight because he was in South Wales at the time chowing down on a Football Special.

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I was at Pizza Express in Woking when Alderaan was destroyed, claims Grand Moff Tarkin

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In a sensational TV interview, Grand Moff Tarkin, a leading light in the former Galactic Empire, has claimed that he could not be responsible for the destruction of Alderaan because he was at a children’s party at the Pizza Express in Woking.

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Woking Pizza Express swift to publicly deny Prince Andrew was ever at any of their parties

Thumbnail image for Woking Pizza Express swift to publicly deny Prince Andrew was ever at any of their parties

The Woking branch of Pizza Express has been swift to refute accusations that Prince Andrew was or has ever been at any of their parties.

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