Education

Schools reopening sees ‘working from home’ become pleasant again

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The ability to respond to a few emails while watching TV is once again an available option for home workers who have been surrounded by screaming children for what feels like the last six years.

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Decision regarding delay in next year’s exams to be delayed until next year’s exams, confirms government

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The government has confirmed today that the decision regarding a delay in next year’s exams for millions of GSCE and A-level students is to be delayed until just before next year’s exams.

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Man who bunked off every science lesson at school insists he’s done ‘all his own research’ on vaccines

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A 35-year-old man who paid zero attention to his science teachers, or the books he was encouraged to read during his admittedly brief time in the formal education system, is today telling everyone he’s done all of his own research on vaccines.

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“I’m not book smart, I’m street smart”, says man who is neither

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A man has today announced that he isn’t ‘book smart’, but rather ‘street smart’, despite all available evidence pointing to the fact that he is neither.

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Head teachers appeal high GCSE grades to better prepare students for getting fucked over by older people

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Students with outstanding GCSE grades are set to learn a valuable lesson about how people a decade away from retirement will take a wrecking ball to their future for no better reason than some vague hunch exams are being ‘devalued’.

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Gavin Williamson presumably has same filthy photos of PM as Dominic Cummings

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Gavin Williamson’s continued employment can only be explained by some serious dirt on Boris Johnson, according to experts this afternoon.

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Gavin Williamson ‘incredibly sorry’ for next month’s schools reopening shambles

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Gavin Williamson has offered an early, explicit and unreserved apology today for the inevitable shambles that awaits the country as schools look to reopen next month.

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Look at what we were predicted to do in government instead of what we’ve actually done, pleads Boris

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In the wake of their U-turn to allow students’ to be assessed solely on their predicted results, the government has today issued a plea for the same rules to be applied to themselves.

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Don’t worry, students and their families are pretty forgiving when elections come around, Nick Clegg tells government

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Former Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg has given the government some reassurance by pointing out that shafting a generation of students tends to have little or no lasting impact at the voting booth.

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Gavin Williamson successfully puts on his shoes

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Following Gavin Williamson’s deft handling of the A-Level crisis comes another triumph for the up-and-coming minister after the Department for Education has announced that he successfully put on his own shoes this morning.

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