Education

Supermarkets prepare for back-to-school Monday with 3-for-2 on “Mummy’s special Ribena”

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Supermarkets will be there for you to get on the sesh from 8am on Monday.

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Opening schools but not pubs damaging for both teachers and pupils

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The Government has been warned that opening schools on Monday without having pubs open could lead to a mental health crisis across the education section.

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Homeschooling finally gives something back as parents do f*ck all for World Book Day

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Homeschooling has finally given something back today to millions of parents finally able to do absolutely fuck all for World Book Day.

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Teachers to decide grades by making kids fight it out in a cage

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This year GCSE and A-level grades will be determined by pupils’ prowess in hand to hand combat.

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Wine industry devastated as schools set to reopen

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Global wine markets are set to collapse almost overnight as homeschooling parents begin to step away from alcohol dependency.

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New Free Speech Bill to protect free speech from new Free Speech Bill

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Champions of free speech have hailed the introduction of Gavin Williamson’s new Free Speech bill which contains considerable measures to counter the sort of attacks on free speech seen in the new Free Speech bill.

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Students forbidden from disagreeing with free speech under threat of huge fines, says Minister for Obliterated Self-Awareness

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Gavin Williamson, the Minister for Kafakaesque Face-Palming Bullshit, has announced the drafting of a bill to protect free speech by ensuring that universities will be slapped with massive fines if they don’t hand over their lecture halls to bigoted twats with no expertise whatsoever.

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Parents looking forward to not having to do their children’s schoolwork for a whole week

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Millions of parents are looking forward to not having to do their children’s schoolwork for a full week next week as schools finally break up for half-term.

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Government to make every school day 9 til 5 with no holidays to properly prepare kids for a life of endless drudgery

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UK Government plc is planning to make all school days last from 9am until 5pm, with no holidays to look forward to, in order to prepare kids for a life of endless monotony and desk-bound boredom.

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Homeschooling parents fantasise about quarantining alone in hotel room for ten days

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Mums and dads all over the UK are wishing they could spend a quiet week or so watching telly and eating room service in an airport hotel.

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