Education

Wine industry devastated as schools set to reopen

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Global wine markets are set to collapse almost overnight as homeschooling parents begin to step away from alcohol dependency.

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New Free Speech Bill to protect free speech from new Free Speech Bill

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Champions of free speech have hailed the introduction of Gavin Williamson’s new Free Speech bill which contains considerable measures to counter the sort of attacks on free speech seen in the new Free Speech bill.

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Students forbidden from disagreeing with free speech under threat of huge fines, says Minister for Obliterated Self-Awareness

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Gavin Williamson, the Minister for Kafakaesque Face-Palming Bullshit, has announced the drafting of a bill to protect free speech by ensuring that universities will be slapped with massive fines if they don’t hand over their lecture halls to bigoted twats with no expertise whatsoever.

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Parents looking forward to not having to do their children’s schoolwork for a whole week

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Millions of parents are looking forward to not having to do their children’s schoolwork for a full week next week as schools finally break up for half-term.

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Government to make every school day 9 til 5 with no holidays to properly prepare kids for a life of endless drudgery

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UK Government plc is planning to make all school days last from 9am until 5pm, with no holidays to look forward to, in order to prepare kids for a life of endless monotony and desk-bound boredom.

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Homeschooling parents fantasise about quarantining alone in hotel room for ten days

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Mums and dads all over the UK are wishing they could spend a quiet week or so watching telly and eating room service in an airport hotel.

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Homeschooling Dad almost learnt enough to sit the 11 Plus

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A parent of primary school children is learning so much through homeschooling that he’s hoping to secure a place for himself at the local grammar school.

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Kate insists parenting during lockdown is exhausting, for the palace nanny, and tutor, and chefs, and cleaners

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The Duchess of Cambridge has revealed today that the extreme challenges of parenting and homeschooling during lockdown has been utterly exhausting, for the child’s nanny, and private tutor, and palace chefs and cleaners.

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Schools to be given two weeks’ notice before reopening, and a further four hours before closing again

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Schools in England will be given two weeks’ notice before reopening according to the education Secretary Gavin Williamson today, and then a further three to four hours before closing them again.

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Iain Duncan Smith boasts he could easily live on a money bag half-filled with tuna

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Iain Duncan Smith is harder than your kids, he has confirmed this morning.

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