Man waiting over three years for hip replacement and who can’t afford hot baths still hates cyclists more than the Tories

As NHS waiting lists reached a record 7.6 million, a man waiting for a routine procedure on his left hip has successfully shifted his anger onto Britain’s cyclists whilst weighing up if he could justify the cost of using his toaster for the reduced crumpets he’d picked up in the supermarket.

Williams, describing his most recent encounter said, “I remember the day well, I’d chosen to drive instead of taking the train because the government’s mishandling of the rail network made me forget about the government’s mishandling of the price of petrol.”

“It cost me over £90 to fill up the tank, which is fine, and absolutely no reason to reconsider my voting habits, but as soon as I pulled out, I saw cyclists riding two abreast. I just saw red – that 15-second period where I had to wait to pass safely was the longest of my life.

“It almost made me forget the dull ache in my side for which I’ve been waiting 12 weeks to see a specialist.

“Almost.”

While Williams acknowledged the underfunding of the NHS under the Conservatives had caused undue suffering to him and several of his loved ones, he did see some light at the end of the tunnel.

He went on, “I saw in the Daily Mail they might consider making cyclists pay road tax. About time, those smug two-wheeled chancers.

“And before you ask, no, I’m pretty sure I haven’t been the victim of a culture war manufactured by the Murdoch press designed to distract from Tory mismanagement of the country’s infrastructure, and the throbbing pain in my leg every f**king step.”

Adding, “These cycling bastards don’t pay insurance!”