Sports

Sports news from NewsThump.com – bringing you the latest from the world of sport, updated every second.

American cop who arrested Rooney for public intoxication had just never heard a scouse accent before

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The American police officer who arrested Wayne Rooney for ‘public intoxication’ at Dulles International Airport in Virginia has apologised after subsequently learning that this is how the footballer speaks all the time.

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Lewis Hamilton clarifies that he is “very proud to have come from that shithole of a town”

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Lewis Hamilton has apologised to anyone from Stevenage who he may have offended with his “wholly accurate description”.

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Jose Mourinho to advise Theresa May on European exits that delight a nation

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Former Manchester United manager Jose Mourinho is to advise Theresa May on the best way to leave Europe whilst simultaneously delighting the vast majority of people who watch you doing it.

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Big Sam Allardyce seals himself in Christmas wrapping paper and lies waiting outside Old Trafford

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Sam Allardyce is giving himself to Manchester United this Christmas.

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Sacked Jose Mourinho comforted by fact that the world will soon be celebrating his birth

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Jose Mourinho has been sacked from his Manager position at Manchester United, but is comforted by the fact that millions around the world will soon be celebrating his arrival on Earth.

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New blow for Theresa May as she fails to win BBC Sports Personality of the Year

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There was fresh disappointment for beleaguered Prime Minister Theresa May as Geraint Thomas won the BBC Sports Personality of the Year and Mrs May failed to even secure even a runner-up slot.

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Southampton cancel Sunday’s match with Arsenal because they don’t fancy losing

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Southampton FC has announced that it has cancelled the match against Arsenal scheduled for Sunday because they will almost certainly lose and apparently, this sort of thing is fine now.

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Richard Scudamore ‘to donate entire £5 million Premier League pay-off to grass roots football’

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Richard Scudamore, who will leave his role as the Premier League’s executive chairman next month, has announced that he will donate his entire multi-million pound ‘leaving present’ to help the development of the game at a base-level across England.

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Harry Redknapp’s I’m A Celebrity luxury item revealed to be a chequebook

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Football manager Harry Redknapp will be taking part in this series of I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here, and has chosen someone else’s chequebook at the luxury item he can’t be without.

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Sports minister somehow surprised to discover Tories a bunch of lying bastards

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Tracey Crouch has resigned as Sports minister after belatedly realising that Conservative politicians are not known for putting the welfare of the public above the interests of the financial backers.

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