Sports

Sports news from NewsThump.com – bringing you the latest from the world of sport, updated every second.

Jurgen Klopp blames fatigue as season extends into second game

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Liverpool’s second successive Premier League draw has been blamed on the hardships of playing football for over a fortnight.

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Man Utd to release Ronaldo if he persists with unreasonable demands to compete for and win trophies

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Manchester United have stated that if Cristiano Ronaldo continues with his unreasonable demands compete for and to win silverware, it will result in his contract being terminated with immediate effect.

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‘It’s a three-year plan’ insist Manchester United, for the ninth consecutive year

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Manchester United have insisted today that their return to Premiership glory is a three-year plan, for the ninth consecutive year.  United, who currently sit bottom of the Premier league after being beaten by both Brighton and Brentford insisted that fans should not panic earlier as the current run of form is all just part of […]

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Ronaldo stood beside M62 with a sign saying ‘Anywhere’

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Cristiano Ronaldo is willing to go basically anywhere at this point.

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Fantasy football fans excited to watch every single one of their players suddenly become absolutely shit

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Fantasy football players all over the UK are ready, set and excited to start up their season again today while watching every single one of the players they picked suddenly play like absolute shite. As Premier League football finally returns this weekend after almost three months off, millions of fantasy football fans have been spending […]

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Sarina Wiegman asked if she fancies having a go at managing Brexit

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England women’s manager Sarina Wiegman has been approached about the possibility of taking over the management of Brexit, after demonstrating an uncanny ability to take perennial losers and turn them into glorious victors.

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Woman uses salt and pepper pots to patiently explain to confused husband how Lionesses are better than England’s men

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A woman has this morning spent thirty minutes explaining to her confused husband why the England’s women team is so much better than the men’s team.

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Women’s football hooliganism ‘still has a long way to go’ admits FA

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Despite the Lionesses’ magnificent victory in the Euros, when it comes to off-pitch hooliganism, women’s football is still way behind the men’s game, according to the FA today.

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Football comes home

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“Nice to be back,” confirmed football, dumping its suitcase and settling down on a sofa.

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If the Lionesses win I will happily celebrate by sticking a flare up my arse, confirms Prince William

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As the Lionesses prepare for their Euro 2022 final against Germany, they have been given public support by the future king of England and his willingness to celebrate with an arse-based pyrotechnic.

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