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Sports news from NewsThump.com – bringing you the latest from the world of sport, updated every second.

Roy Keane reveals all time Man Utd XI of lazy useless bastards that he totally hates

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Roy Keane has revealed his all time Manchester United XI lazy useless bastards that he absolutely hates.

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Erik ten Hag appointed Manchester United’s new chief turd polisher

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Manchester United has appointed dutchman Erik ten Hag as the team’s chief turd polisher on a three-year contract.

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‘I would definitely have taken that before the game’ insists jubilant Manchester United fan

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A jubilant Manchester United fan is celebrating today after his team managed to somehow scrape a four nil defeat from bitter rivals Liverpool.  Simon Williams, who stayed up into the night celebrating revealed his delight earlier after looking once again at the team sheets and then reading what the statistics were from last night’s Premier […]

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Woman who watched Man City vs Atletico Madrid match can’t understand why male footballers are more emotional than women

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After the Champions League quarter final between Man City and Atletico Madrid descended into repeated outbreaks of handbags at ten paces, women everywhere have asked why male footballers are so emotional.

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‘Yeah it was a diamond encrusted solid gold iPhone Pro Max’ insists devastated Everton fan’s mum

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The mother of a football fan who had his mobile phone broken by Cristiano Ronaldo at the weekend has insisted today that it was a brand new diamond encrusted solid gold iPhone 13 Pro Max.  Sharon Williams, who also said the phone case was made of crystal revealed the news earlier after learning that police […]

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Southampton FC widely condemned for failing to keep a Covid-denying conspiracy theorist as ‘the face of club’

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Southampton football club have been widely condemned by the football community for their decision to remove a Covid-denying conspiracy theorist as the club’s most recognisable brand ambassador. Matt Le Tissier has been forced to step down as a club ambassador, in a move widely criticised by the hard of thinking as ‘cancel culture gone mad’. […]

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Russian cosmonauts were merely paying homage to Everton’s 2013 away kit, insists Kremlin

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Cosmonauts kitted out in the colours of the Ukrainian flag are merely massive fans of perennial relegation-battlers, Everton FC, the Kremlin has claimed.

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Barcelona to receive €0.01 per goal under new sponsorship deal with Spotify

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Barcelona FC has announced an innovative new sponsorship deal with Spotify which will see the club earn just over €0.01 for every goal scored in the renamed Spotify Camp Nou.

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“He’s done so much for us” – Chelsea fans defend Lex Luthor’s ownership of the club

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As Chelsea’s controversial owner Lex Luthor leaves the club, fans have been defending his time in charge.

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Chelsea to play in pants and vests as all Abramovich-owned kit seized

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Roman Abramovich won’t be the only one with frozen assets as new sanctions mean Chelsea players will need to play in their underwear.

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