Sports

Sports news from NewsThump.com – bringing you the latest from the world of sport, updated every second.

Vladimir Putin formally annexes Chelsea

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To protect Chelsea supporters from the oppression of the premier league table, Vladimir Putin has declared his intention to intervene in London on ‘humanitarian grounds’.

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‘I always pick the squad based on form’ insists man who picked Grealish, Maguire, Phillips and Shaw

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Gareth Southgate has insisted today that he always selects his England squad based on current form, despite demonstrably not picking a squad based on their current form.

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Chelsea appoint Graham Potter as new manager on a rolling 45-minute contract

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After the sacking of Thomas Tuchel after just 18-months in the role, the new Chelsea manager Graham Potter has been given a 45-minute rolling contract by the club’s owner, Todd Boehly.

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Premier League to allow teams to play two goalkeepers when facing Man City

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The Premier League has hastily introduced a new rule that will allow opposition teams to field two goalkeepers when playing against Manchester City.

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HMP Strangeways FC disappointed as audacious Ryan Giggs deadline day transfer falls through

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With news emerging on Wednesday that jurors had failed to return a verdict in the former Wales international’s trial for assault and controlling behaviour, Strangeways residents have reacted with anger and disappointment and failing to secure the deadline day signing.  

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‘But I only need another 347 players’ insists man £800 down already on the World Cup Panini sticker album

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A man who has spent £820 on his World Cup 2022 Panini sticker album so far has insisted today that the album is nearly completed, with just 347 players to find. Simon Williams, who also still has five packs to open today, insisted that he needs to continue his album after finally getting two players […]

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Arsenal reveal the secret to their success is to avoid playing anyone good

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Arsenal’s perfect start to the Premier League season is entirely thanks to their success in avoiding teams who are any good, the club has confirmed this morning.  Arsenal’s transformation from a gutless bunch of chokers into resilient top-four contenders has left pundits stunned, especially those who haven’t looked at the opposition in any of their […]

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Scott Parker dismissed for disastrous taste in cardigans

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Scott Parker has been sacked as Bournemouth manager this morning, following a statement issued by the club that criticised his sartorial efforts in the first four games of the season.

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Harry Maguire moves to trademark signature facepalm pose

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After Usain Bolt moved to trademark his legendary victory pose, Manchester United defender Harry Maguire announced plans to trademark his own signature facepalm.

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Oleksandr Usyk given extra belt for enduring Anthony Joshua’s speech

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Oleksandr Usyk has been given an additional belt by the boxing authorities for enduring Anthony Joshua’s post-fight speech last night.

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