Entertainment

Donald Trump denies it is Monday, accuses Democrats of rigging the weekend

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The weekend should have had millions more wonderful, terrific days if they had not been stolen by the Deep State, according to a tweet from Donald Trump today.

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Twitter man finds Tess Daly attractive

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An Essex man has taken to Twitter in order to alert the popular presenter Tess Daly to the fact that he finds her attractive.

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Queen Elizabeth II claims vote by Continental Congress to remove British Monarch in America was rigged, demands it be set aside

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Queen Elizabeth II, by the grace of God Monarch of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland and her dominions overseas, has accused the United States of ‘rigging’ a vote for the Continental Congress to remove the British Monarch as head of state, according to a statement from the court of St James today.

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Man who hasn’t listened to Radio 1 since 1997 furious at station’s decision to play edited version of Fairytale of New York

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A man who has not listened to Radio One for almost 23 years, is furious today at the station’s decision to play an edited version of Fairytale of New York.

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The Donald came down to Georgia – with apologies to the Charlie Daniels Band

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The Donald came down to Georgia
He was looking for a vote to steal
He was in a bind because he was running behind
And looking to appeal

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Spin doctors celebrate getting people to ignore a shocking death toll using nothing more than office gossip

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A team of seasoned political operatives have opened new ground in the field of media manipulation by making the UK completely ignore a horrendous amount of COVID-19 deaths and getting idiots to focus instead on petty squabbles of dubious veracity.

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Dominic Cummings quits Government to focus on his music

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Dominic Cummings, the Prime Minister’s chief advisor, has announced plans to quit the government in order to focus on his music.

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Larry the Cat takes No. 10 Director of Communications role after Lee Cain quits

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Larry the Cat, possibly the most popular member of the Number Ten team, has been accused of forcing previous Director of Communications Lee Cain out and seizing the top job himself.

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Zombies at the door would like to talk to you about voting Democrat

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A smartly-dressed pair of the walking dead at the door want to know if you’ve considered voting Democrat.

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New Donald Trump lawsuit claims election victory if MAGA tears are counted as votes

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Papers sent to courts in Pennsylvania, Arizona, Georgia and Michigan have asked that the floods of salty, salty tears shed by Trump supporters be counted as votes, according to documents seen by NewsThump.

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