Entertainment

Morrissey furious after The Simpsons portrays him as capable of being someone’s friend

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Morrissey, a pasty racist famous for milking his few years as a vocalist for legendary songwriter Johnny Marr, has roundly condemned the hit animation show The Simpsons after an episode satirised him as able to have some vague concern for another human being.

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Man still hasn’t got a fucking clue what’s going on in Line of Duty

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A man still has not got a fucking clue today what is going on in Line of Duty it is revealed.

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Major Line of Duty twist as Jenny from Gogglebox revealed as the new head of AC-12

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Jenny from Gogglebox will take up the leadership of AC-12 when Hastings retires as she is ‘the only person who stands a chance of unravelling all of this’, according to reports today.

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True Detective season 4 to feature trigger-happy cowards who constantly mention that they have black friends

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The next instalment of the HBO crime anthology series is said to move away from highly charismatic sleuths fighting sinister crime syndicates and instead showcase the daily lives of skittish racists whose incompetence routinely turn simple traffic stops into a bloodbath.

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Montagues and Capulets resume ancient feud as restrictions on two households mingling lifted.

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Two households, both alike in dignity, are allowed to mingle in the pursuit of their ancient grudge from today.

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Freezer dumped in a lay-by either fly tipping or new Line Of Duty subplot

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Nobody is sure whether a fridge-freezer that has appeared by a busy A-road has been fly-tipped of it it’s an unpleasant new Line of Duty subplot.

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DMX and Prince Philip make awkward small talk at pearly gates

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Prince Philip and DMX are attempting to make polite small talk on the way into heaven.

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Boris is a stupid wanker with shit hair, writes lazy satirist while claiming he’s ‘going meta’

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Simon Williams, a contributor to satirical websites and malodorous problem drinker, has decided to hide his lack of creativity by pretending his cheap barbs about controversial public figures are all part of a sophisticated 3rd-degree joke that only the savvy reader is a party to.

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Middle-Age Mutant Ninja Turtles are here to fight lower back pain and credit card debt

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The Ninja Turtles have grown up, and so have their problems.

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Piers Morgan tells Tucker Carlson that ‘gormless slimy tosspot’ is a coveted honorific in the UK

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In a tell-all interview on Fox News, Piers Morgan assured America that the UK supported his crusade against Meghan Markle as can be seen by how many people hurl insults and threaten scrotal removal with ill-adapted tools whenever his name is mentioned.

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