Entertainment

Leaping across series of 10ft high concrete pillars a symptom of fragile masculinity, scientists confirm

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Daring feats of parkour have today been linked with having a fragile male ego, scientists have discovered.

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Government hopes to replicate success of ‘PE With Joe’ by launching ‘Slowly Give Up Trying With Boris’

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As part of its new health campaign, Downing Street has announced it will create a show similar to the wildly successful workouts with muscular hulk Joe Wicks, except viewers will be watching Boris Johnson give exercise a try for a week or two before the excuses start.

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Woman slams dramas available on ‘Zoom’ for poor plot and effects

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A woman has taken to social media to express her disappointment with the films available on popular new video app – Zoom.

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Next Bond movie to show 007 taking a long nap instead of bothering ministers with unwelcome investigations

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Eon Productions has given Bond fans some tantalizing hints about the next instalment of the franchise as they revealed the plot would see British democracy under attack and Her Majesty’s best agent binge-watching The Wire because there’s no use crying over split milk and they’ll call him if he’s needed.

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JK Rowling confirms in interview that Dumbledore was actually a TERF the whole time

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Harry Potter author and woman who “has many trans friends”, JK Rowling, has confirmed in an interview today that, despite there being zero mention of it in seven books, the character of Dumbledore was actually a massive Trans-Exclusionary Radical Feminist (or TERF) the whole time.

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BBC announce new family sitcom about woman who is a bit clumsy or something

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The BBC has announced a new family sitcom about a woman who is a bit clumsy or something for Thursday evenings after Eastenders.

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Satirical website treading very carefully around news about dog with racist name

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An occasionally amusing satirical website is pondering how best to poke fun at the news that a headstone for a dog called the n-word has been removed.

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Teenager who fled to join the forces of Khorne the Blood God wins legal battle to return to the Imperium

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A 15-year-old who ran away to join a Chaos cult has won her legal battle to return home and serve the Emperor, we can report.

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Rapper uses new song to reveal he has had sex with some ladies

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A rapper has used his new record to describe how he has had sexual intercourse with several ladies.

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Prince Andrew beats Sir Alex Ferguson’s long-standing squeaky bum world record

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The Guinness Book of Records has today confirmed rumours that Prince Andrew has successfully become the squeaky bum world champion, taking the record away from Sir Alex Ferguson, the former Manchester United manager who had held it for 17 years.

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