Entertainment

Kanye West told not to bother running for President as Trump never hands property keys to black people

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US rapper Kanye West has been told that he’s wasting his time trying to enter the White House, mainly because the present incumbent has a proven history of not giving properties to black families.

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Rylan-fronted Family Fortunes reboot the only thing that can save 2020

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Only Rylan can save us, according to reports this afternoon.

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Heaven’s choirs of angels will now include whistling and a steel guitar

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The angelic choirs that provide music for Heaven are celebrating as legendary composer Ennio Morricone has departed the earthly realm and will now be showing the afterlife what a genius can do with a harmonica, a choir and a blank-firing Winchester.

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Hercule Poirot hired to investigate the unfathomable mystery of the ‘drunks who don’t social distance’

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Renowned detective Hercule Poirot has been hired by government officials to get to the bottom of the mystery surrounding the behaviour of drunk people and their inability to follow social distancing protocols.

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Government unveils £1.5bn support package for Mrs Brown’s Boys Live

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Leaders in the Arts industry are today breathing a sigh of relief as the government has announced it will grant a £1.5 billion rescue package to Mrs Brown’s Boys ‘D’Live Show’.

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Trump campaign terrified a Kanye candidacy could split the crucial arsehole vote

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Donald Trump bid for re-election was dealt another blow over the weekend as his fellow attention-seeker Kanye West announced he would run for President, threatening to peel off votes from Trump’s core support of malevolent pricks.

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Video to face retrospective prosecution for historical killing of the radio star

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Prosecutors have announced they will be bringing charges of murder against video for the 1979 killing of the radio star.

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Kim Kardashian has terrible nightmare about going to work with her clothes on

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Newly-minted billionaire Kim Kardashian has just woken from a horrible dream where she went outside with her pants on.

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Adam Sandler not f**ked off yet

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Despite repeated requests from viewers, Adam Sandler has not f**ked off yet.

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New series of Baywatch to feature David Hasselhoff saving lives by stopping people going to the beach in the first place

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A reboot of the classic early-nineties TV show Baywatch will see David Hasselhoff continuing to save lives, but this time by preventing them from going on the beach in the first place.

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