Entertainment

Cersei Lannister uses TV address to tell Westeros peasants “I’m on your side”

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Ruthless dictator Cersei Lannister has assured the peasants of Westeros that she is ‘on their side’.

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The actress who plays me has wonderful tax lawyers, reveals Lorraine kelly

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Television’s Lorraine Kelly has revealed that the actor who plays her on television – coincidentally also called Lorraine Kelly – is lucky to have such talented tax lawyers in her employ.

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Teenager criticised for throwing egg at Thanos ‘just because he wants to kill half of creation’

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A teenager who threw an egg at Thanos is under fire of social media this morning, with commenters divided over when it was justified.

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Ron and Hermione had a threesome with Dobby the House Elf, confirms JK Rowling without anyone asking

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Ron and Hermione had an ‘intense, physical’ relationship with Dobby the House Elf, JK Rowling has announced despite nobody asking or wanting to know.

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Melania Trump body double identified as Steve Tyler

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Steve Tyler out of Aerosmith has been acting as a stand-in for Melania Trump at official functions ‘for months’ before anyone noticed, it has been confirmed.

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Social Justice Batman lights the Virtue Signal

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Social Justice Batman has lit up the Virtue Signal, to let the inhabitants of Gotham know that they are being watched over by a dark, silent guardian who is just plain better than them.

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Opinion: who should I trust about Captain Marvel – the reviews, or an angry man on the Internet who hasn’t seen it?

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On the one hand, reviews of Captain Marvel say it ‘delivers in a more satisfying way than almost any other superhero film in years’ (Empire). On the other, a man on the internet who hasn’t seen it says it is ‘pernicious feminazi propaganda’.

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Woman willing to give benefit of doubt to every #MeToo victim unless the accused can do the moonwalk

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35-year-old Simone Williams has insisted that although she has nothing but full-throated support for the victims in the #MeToo movement, she simply can’t believe a man who could moonwalk into bed with a seven-year-old child could be guilty of anything.

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Criticism for Talking Heads as supposed Road to Nowhere actually goes to Chelmsford

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Seminal 80s art-rock band Talking Heads were facing considerable criticism after it was found that their supposed Road to Nowhere actually goes to Chelmsford in Essex.

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Man invited to join Slipknot after flipped pancake accidentally lands on his face

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Local cook Simon Williams has been invited to join Slipknot after an attempt at flipping a pancake left him with one slap on his face.

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