Entertainment

Danish scientists isolate Hygges Boson

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In breaking news announced today, scientists working at Copenhagen University have identified the fundamental particle of nice, pleasant cosiness.

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‘Mary Poppins Returns’ slammed for failing to include Yondu

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Fans expecting to see Yondu return from the dead in Mary Poppins Returns have been left bitterly disappointed after studio bosses inexplicably failed to include the popular character.

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Everyone gets a set of knives in Conservative Secret Santa

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Absolutely everyone has received a set of knives in this year’s Conservative Party Secret Santa.

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Avengers: Endgame trailer provoking better reactions than entire Justice League movie

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A two-minute teaser for a film that won’t be released for six months is provoking more excited fan reactions than one which has already been released.

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“Harry Potter and The Ceremonial Mace” begins filming in Westminster

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A new Harry Potter film has apparently kicked off in Westminster.

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Government pilot scheme to reduce state pension liability fails as 71-year-old survives jungle ordeal

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A new initiative by the Department for Work and Pensions to kill off pensioners in a way that definitely isn’t murder has been deemed unsuccessful after Harry Redknapp won this year’s ‘I’m a Celebrity’.

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Spice Girls headlining Glastonbury could see record broken for most piss thrown at one stage

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After rumours began circulating that the Spice Girls are in talks to headline Glastonbury in 2019, people who paid £300 for their ticket have announced plans to send an entire weekend’s stockpile of piss directly towards their stage.

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Alderaan government forced to release impact assessments on effect of leaving the Empire.

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The government of Alderaan has been forced to release documents showing the projected long-term effects of leaving the Galactic Empire after a showdown in the Senate. 

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“He was good in The Simpsons, wasn’t he?” says everybody at George Bush Snr’s funeral

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George Bush Snr’s funeral has been dominated by everyone saying how good he was in that one episode of The Simpsons.

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‘I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday’ banned for disrespecting other religious festivals

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Wizzard’s classic Christmas song is being banned by several radio stations due to its obvious contempt for other religious holidays.

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