Health

Let’s spend more money killing foreigners, says man who killed British people by slashing NHS funding

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Jeremy Hunt has pledged to increase defence spending by £15bn over the next five years, leading many to aks where this desire to invest was hiding when he was Health Secretary?

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Amazon’s Alexa to wait until you have visitors before asking how your haemorrhoids are doing

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A partnership between Amazon and the NHS will see Alexa devices ask you about embarrassing ailments whenever you have company.

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Fears grow for Jeremy Corbyn’s health after he fails to be spotted jogging through London like those other twats

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Jeremy Corbyn’s life is thought to be hanging in the balance after rumours that he is unable to run a marathon in under two hours thirty.

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There is nothing like drinking a cup of boiling hot liquid to cool you down on a warm day, insist Brits

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The best thing to cool you down in a heatwave is a cup of recently boiled water, it has emerged.

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Drug addict just makes things worse by stealing Warhammer player’s bag

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A man who thought crack was the most addictive thing he’d ever have the misfortune to encounter has just stolen a Warhammer player’s bag, we can report.

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Queen refusing to let Charles have the top job until he ditches all that homeopathy bullshit

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The Queen has insisted she has no intention of abdicating and letting Charles become King until he gives up believing in nonsense like homeopathy.

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Boris painstakingly paints people into his wooden toy buses before sending them off a cliff

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Boris Johnson has admitted his favourite hobby is painting people inside a homemade bus, giving them names, characters and backstories, before then throwing them all off a cliff.

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Taxpayer funds Harry and Meghan’s home renovation at bargain price of one MRI scanner

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Royal accounts reveal that Harry and Meghan’s new Windsor home was renovated at very little cost to the taxpayer – £2.4m or the equivalent of just one MRI scanner for the NHS.

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Michael Gove wakes from 3-year bender hoping he hasn’t done anything stupid

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Michael Gove has finally come down from being high as a kite for the last three years and expressed a hope he didn’t say or do anything he might regret whilst off his tits.

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Leading anti-vaxxer becomes Daemon Prince of Nurgle

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Nurgle the plague-god is so pleased with the anti-vaxxer movement that one of their most vocal supporters has ascended to Daemonhood today.

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