Health

NHS hoping to recover after removal of malignant lump

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The National Health Service is hoping it can make a full recovery after having a dangerous lump removed in an emergency operation yesterday.

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Neymar falls over again after toddler sneezes three feet away

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Notoriously tumble-prone Brazil star Neymar has fallen over three times today already, according to reports.

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Salisbury ice-cream van beginning to regret selling new Novichok and salted caramel flavour

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An ice-cream van in Salisbury is beginning to think that his new Novichok and salted caramel flavour could prove to be more trouble than it’s worth.

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Jeremy Hunt to receive birthday beats for NHS’ 70th Birthday

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Nurses and doctors nationwide are queuing up to administer a dose of birthday beats to Jeremy Hunt.

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Government finally recognises ‘right to die’ but only for 70-year-old health services

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The government has finally acknowledged the ‘right to die’, citing the example of a seventy-year-old health service that is no longer enjoying the quality of life it should be.

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Man suffering from stress and anxiety makes full recovery after just chilling out a bit

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A man who has been suffering from stress and anxiety has made a full recovery after just chilling out and relaxing.

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Scottish politicians stage walkout over Westminster decision to serve fresh vegetables at lunchtime

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In dramatic scenes at Westminster, Scottish politicians have marched out of Parliament in protest at the canteen serving fresh vegetables.

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Red Hen restaurant a lot cleaner and safer to eat at than Mar-a-Lago, confirm inspectors

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The restaurant from which Sarah Sanders was ejected over the weekend is a much nicer place than any of Donald Trump’s resorts, especially Mar-a-Lago, health and safety inspectors have concluded today.

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White people amazed to discover marijuana actually illegal

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Recent proposals to make marijuana legal have come as a surprise to white people, who were pretty sure it already was.

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‘Don’t legalise cannabis, it damages people’ claims politician who will drink bottle of wine tonight

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A politician who won’t legalise cannabis will definitely enjoy a few cheeky snifters this evening.

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