Health

Government pledges ‘same day’ GP appointments for anyone successfully spending four days on hold for the receptionist

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The government today pledged to improve access to GPs in England, including ‘same day’ appointments for anyone lucky enough to actually reach a receptionist in order to book one.  Health Secretary Therese Coffey will unveil her plans for improvements in GP waiting times later, which could see patients able to book an appointment to see […]

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Man waiting three years for hip replacement and who can’t afford hot baths still hates cyclists more than the Tories

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As NHS waiting lists reached a record 6.8 million, a man waiting for a routine procedure on his left hip has successfully shifted his anger onto Britain’s cyclists whilst weighing up if he could justify the cost of using his toaster for the reduced crumpets he’d picked up in the supermarket. 

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New Indiana Jones film to feature search for the mythical ‘NHS dentist’

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The latest instalment of the Indiana Jones franchise will show the eponymous hero and his quest to find an NHS dentist taking on patients in 2022.

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“Vegans never shut up about it!” insists man who has instagrammed every steak he’s ever eaten

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A man has recently pointed out that vegans never shut about being vegan, seemingly unaware that he has a habit of sharing photos of every large steak he consumes.

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Flu-style seasonal Covid vaccine enrages simpleton who spent last two years insisting Covid is ‘just the Flu’

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Covid is basically the flu, but we definitely shouldn’t be treating it the same way we treat flu, according the Internet’s great thinkers today.

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School meals to be replaced with pictures of school meals in latest money-saving drive

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The government is set to announce that school meals are to be replaced with pictures of school meals in a move that is expected to save several million pounds a week or two CEO bonuses.

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Angry Birds, Deliveroo integration: Javid announces new NHS App features

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Sajid Javid has announced that the NHS App will have a number of new features added over the following year. “Angry Birds is the big one,” explained Mr Javid. “It’s this brilliant game where you have to fling birds at pigs. It’s hugely popular, and it’s a real coup to be able to have that […]

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Brexiters cheered as re-emergence of Polio takes Britain another step back to its glorious past

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Brexiters have hailed the re-emergence of Polio in the British population as another step on their road back to the past.

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Re-emergence of Polio proves Polio vaccines don’t work, insists moron

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The re-emergence of Polio proves that the vaccines that were supposed to have protected us are nothing more than a scam, according the Internet’s leading morons this morning. For years, big pharma has made millions by having children take the vaccine, the contents of which are incomprehensible to the average person, and their claims to […]

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Republicans finally back gun control after school shootings repositioned as 560-week abortions

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Senior Republicans have finally thrown their weight behind gun reform after the latest school shooting was repositioned as a series of 560-week abortions.

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