Health

Government’s Plan B: Putting fingers in ears and shouting ‘la la la’ to be made mandatory

Thumbnail image for Government’s Plan B: Putting fingers in ears and shouting ‘la la la’ to be made mandatory

The British public will have to deny all evidence that Covid is a continuing and rising threat, under soon to be implemented government regulations.

Read the full article →

Holy See issues papal bull decreeing all anti-vaxxers to be “Fuckwittus Collosus”

Thumbnail image for Holy See issues papal bull decreeing all anti-vaxxers to be “Fuckwittus Collosus”

Following the invocation of the Pope’s authority by pro-pestilence campaigners in Colchester, the Vatican has clarified its position on utter drongs whose desperate quest for attention leads them to spout off tripe clearly put on Facebook by teenage trolls.

Read the full article →

You can’t catch Covid from your mates, insists noted epidemiologist Jacob Rees-Mogg

Thumbnail image for You can’t catch Covid from your mates, insists noted epidemiologist Jacob Rees-Mogg

Jacob Rees-Mogg has insisted that MPs on Tory benches don’t wear masks because they’re all friends and that means they’re impervious to the transmissible nature of Covid.

Read the full article →

‘Legal’ ‘papers’ ‘served’ to hospital by anti-vaxers instantly filed under ‘bullshit’

Thumbnail image for ‘Legal’ ‘papers’ ‘served’ to hospital by anti-vaxers instantly filed under ‘bullshit’

The so-called ‘legal papers’ that were supposedly served to a hospital yesterday have been chucked carelessly into the drawer of a filing cabinet labelled ‘bullshit’.

Read the full article →

Sajid Javid: We will not waver from long-term strategy of introducing Covid restrictions far too late

Thumbnail image for Sajid Javid: We will not waver from long-term strategy of introducing Covid restrictions far too late

As Covid cases continue to rise, the Government has sought to reassure the nation that it would not deviate from its long-term strategy of introducing Covid restrictions far too late for maximum impact.

Read the full article →

Nation wearily prepares for further lockdown after government categorically rules it out

Thumbnail image for Nation wearily prepares for further lockdown after government categorically rules it out

The nation’s weary residents are once again preparing for lockdown this winter, after government minister Kwasi Kwarteng categorically ruled it out.

Read the full article →

Boris insists he only broke Christmas lockdown rules in a very ‘limited and specific way’

Thumbnail image for Boris insists he only broke Christmas lockdown rules in a very ‘limited and specific way’

Boris Johnson has responded to claims that he broke the rules on social gatherings last Christmas by insisting he only did so in a ‘very limited and specific way’, before pointing out that this is now considered perfectly acceptable by the electorate.

Read the full article →

We’re not mocking you, we’re helping build up your natural immunity to jokes, antivaxers told

Thumbnail image for We’re not mocking you, we’re helping build up your natural immunity to jokes, antivaxers told

Antivaxers have today been told not to be so precious when people mock their ridiculous positions, and to treat the people laughing at them as nothing more than an opportunity to build up their natural immunity to jokes.

Read the full article →

School harvest assembly best chance of obtaining basic foodstuffs, advise supermarkets

Thumbnail image for School harvest assembly best chance of obtaining basic foodstuffs, advise supermarkets

Several major supermarkets have advised customers that, due to ongoing supply issues, their best hope of eating this autumn is to grab something at a school harvest assembly.

Read the full article →

Antivaxer ‘almost caught up’ on all of the important epidemiology research he missed yesterday

Thumbnail image for Antivaxer ‘almost caught up’ on all of the important epidemiology research he missed yesterday

Following yesterday’s Facebook outage, antivaxer Simon Williams admitted that he has almost caught up on all the important research he missed out on during the downtime.

Read the full article →

← Previous Entries