Beto O’Rourke has been told to get a fucking move on, according to reports this afternoon.
All eleven Liberal Democrat MPs defect to new Independent Group
The entire parliamentary Liberal Democrat party has defected to the one-day-old Independent Group as it’s already more successful and better known than them.
Government to punish those who chose to live under a brutal Tory regime by revoking their EU citizenship
Millions of Britons who chose to live in a country under Tory control are to be brutally stripped of their EU citizenship.
Teenagers are too immature to make reasoned decisions “except when it comes to ISIS”, confirms study
The results of a groundbreaking study commissioned by the home secretary Sajid Javid have confirmed that, while teenagers’ raging hormones inhibit their capacity to make reasoned decisions on most subjects until the age of 18, that doesn’t apply to decisions about joining death cults.
In an effort to distance itself from the Windrush scandal, the Home Office has just announced a dramatic shift in how citizenship is granted, moving away from established legal precedent and closer to the gut feeling of frightened old people with poor literacy skills.
- The Independent Group will begin recording immediately to have album ready for summer
- “I’m not going anywhere,” insists Jeremy Corbyn entirely accurately
- “Don’t you f*cking dare” Hillary Clinton told
- Queen to relocate Buckingham Palace to Frankfurt
- Leak reveals Independent Group is being funded by one Charles Montgomery Burns
- Brexit has nothing to do with Brexit, insist Brexiters
- Tory disappointment at news Chris Grayling has no plans to split from party and stand as independent
- The Independent Group promises to be a broad church welcoming of all tinges
Also in the News
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Christian nation to demonstrate its Christian values by forgiving returning jihadi mother and child
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Woman would have solved escape room by now if not for her fuckwit colleagues
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