Hungry schoolchildren living below the poverty line across the country have been advised to become statues of racists, and quickly.
Aliens demanding ‘Take us to your leader’ asked if they can come back on Thursday
Aliens have landed and have been urged to brace themselves for something of a disappointment, unless they would like to come back on Thursday.
Boris Johnson to conduct next live briefing via medium of sea shanty
Boris Johnson is planning to take advantage of the nation’s sudden fondness for sea shanties by singing his way through the next televised briefing to the nation.
Outgoing twice-impeached President Donald Trump is today being likened to Jesus Christ by Republicans after the discovery of a new bible verse in which pussy-grabbing is considered the behaviour of the ‘divine’.
80s DJ and hair pioneer Mike Read has today announced that he is formally ending his ban on Frankie Goes to Hollywood’s sex disco classic ‘Relax’.
- EXPOSED! Keir Starmer is a former agent from The Matrix
- Unlikeable harridan joins party of morons to promote issues of complete inconsequence
- ‘Why weren’t The Kaiser Chiefs impeached for I Predict A Riot?’ rages Donald Trump
- Government’s post-Covid plans for killing people include nuclear strike and water poisoning
- Government to make new Brazilian variant available to everyone in UK ‘within weeks’
- Iain Duncan Smith boasts he could easily live on a money bag half-filled with tuna
- US Capitol Police to adopt hope-it-will-all-be-fine strategy for Inauguration day
- ‘You shouldn’t have kids unless you can foresee every single thing for the next eighteen years’ insist morons
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‘You can’t trust Tories with free school meal money as they’ll only waste it on profits for their mates’ insist benefit recipients
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