A man who got today’s Wordle solution in only two guests seems to be labouring under the illusion that someone, somewhere actually gives a shit.
‘BJ the Prime Minister’ now a verb as well as noun
The Oxford English Dictionary has added a second definition to ‘BJ the Prime Minister’ after it was revealed to also be a verb as well as a noun.
Professional groper resigns after drunkenly joining Conservatives
Professional groper Simon Williams has today tendered his resignation after having been identified as a Conservative MP in what he has described as a ‘moment of madness’.
As Minister for the orange Trivial Pursuit category, Nadine Dorries has an encyclopaedic knowledge of British sporting history. She talked us through some of her favourite memories.
Former Tory deputy chief whip Chris Pincher has been immediately installed as Boris Johnson’s new ethics advisor it has been revealed today.
- Tories reminded that they don’t live in a Carry On film
- Vladimir Putin admits he’s never felt safer as 5′ 2″ 91-year-old insists he’d take a bullet for him
- Man who believed he could fly, now just believes he could die – in prison
- Competitive Dad intensively training son in egg and spoon technique ahead of school sports day
- Angry Birds, Deliveroo integration: Javid announces new NHS App features
- ‘If Putin were a woman I’d have probably had her’ claims Boris Johnson
- England to seek referendum on independence from Westminster
- Ghislaine Maxwell sentenced to twenty years in prison or life, whichever comes first
Also in the News
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You’ll vote again and again until you give the answer I want, pledges Nicola Sturgeon
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Apple unveils new digestible AirPods due to increased customer demand
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Politics
‘BJ the Prime Minister’ now a verb as well as noun
The Oxford English Dictionary has added a second definition to ‘BJ the Prime Minister’ after it was revealed to also be a verb as well as a noun.
Entertainment
Tories reminded that they don’t live in a Carry On film
All Tory Party ministers are to be sent a letter laying out in no uncertain terms that they are not living in a Carry On film.
World
Vladimir Putin admits he’s never felt safer as 5′ 2″ 91-year-old insists he’d take a bullet for him
Vladimir Putin has told close allies he has never felt safer after 91-year-old Bernie Ecclestone told GMB that he would happily take a bullet for the Russian leader.
Technology
Man who got today’s Wordle in two thinks someone gives a shit
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Science
Man seemingly determined to out himself as ignorant simpleton after posting chemtrail conspiracy theory
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National Rifle Association calls for ban on ‘schools’
After yet another mass shootings at a US school, the National Rifle Association has insisted that the only way to prevent further tragedies of this nature is to finally implement a ban ‘schools’.
Business
Apple unveils new digestible AirPods due to increased customer demand
Apple CEO Tim Cook has revealed the 4th generation of its AirPod headphones, which the tech giant insists are completely digestible. At a hurriedly arranged product launch, Cook explained that his engineers had been working tirelessly to bridge that gap between unparalleled audio quality and easily absorbed micro-nutrients for the discerning customer who can’t tell […]
