A man is using the money he has saved by not going out for 8 months in lockdown, to have a 12 pack of craft beers delivered to his home.
Arcadia could survive if Sir Philip Green bothered to check down the back of his sofa
Topshop, Burton and Dorothy Perkins might be alright if Sir Philip Green checked under his arse.
Roast Chicken flavoured crisps count as substantial meal but Cheese & Onion do not, confirms government
Crisps count as a meal, but only if they are flavoured as such, the government has today confirmed.
People have decided that it will now be Christmas until the ‘new normal’ fucks back off to where it came from.
Santa’s delightful little elven helper, who hides around the house watching for naughty children in the run-up to Christmas, has been given the power to report people for breaking lockdown and issue on the spot fines and perform immediate arrests if necessary.
- Government certain that laid-off Arcadia staff will be fairly treated by tax-avoiding, woman-groping, smarmy pension thief
- Scotch Egg declared ‘substantial meal’ following large cash donation to Tory party from mysterious Scotch Egg oligarch
- Tins of Quality Street to be invisible to the naked eye by 2025
- Donald Trump denies it is Monday, accuses Democrats of rigging the weekend
- Reclusive Dr P. Shiltoni arrested in connection with Diego Maradona death
- Government looks to avoid third wave of infections, by extending second wave by three months
- Turkey submits lawsuit claiming it actually won Thanksgiving
- Twitter man finds Tess Daly attractive
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Government replaces national lockdown that hasn’t worked, with previous three-tier system that didn’t work
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Donald Trump to pardon Judas Iscariot in time for Christmas
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Man uses money saved by not going out for 8 months to get 12 pack of craft beers delivered online
A man is using the money he has saved by not going out for 8 months in lockdown, to have a 12 pack of craft beers delivered to his home.
