Dominic Cummings has released a number of text messages that illustrate the incompetence at the heart of government and that will sway voters in absolutely no way at all.
“Now do the rest of them”, nation urges Boris Johnson
After Dominic Cummings leaked a WhatsApp message in which Boris Johnson called Health Secretary Matt Hancock ‘fucking hopeless’, the voting public has demanded that Boris now tell us what he thinks of the rest of his cabinet, before turning his ire towards a mirror.
Government remains committed to hoping that Grenfell-like fire doesn’t happen again
The Government has marked the anniversary of the Grenfell Tower disaster by reaffirming its commitment to hoping that it doesn’t happen again.
Fearless defender of the rights of the common man Simon Williams has struck a blow against totalitarian government by lying to the lady behind the till at his local Tesco this morning.
After Portugal captain Cristiano Ronaldo dismissively removed bottles of Coca-Cola from the table he was using for a press conference, those inside the lucrative cola industry have insisted that such disrespect can not stand.
- Lockdown sceptic confident best way to articulate position is by screaming it directly into face of terrified reporter
- ‘I just want my freedom’ says man enjoying a pint in the pub whilst refusing the jab
- Wedding parties relieved as drunken jumping on the spot to ‘Come on Eileen’ confirmed as not actually ‘dancing’
- ‘We’ve just got to learn to live with it,’ says twice-vaccinated retired woman
- On this day in History: King John signs Magna Carta, freeing all from the burden of wearing a mask in Greggs
- Nicola Sturgeon refuses to accept result of Czech Republic vs Scotland match
- Footballers kneeling is just ‘gesture politics’ says Priti Patel, unaware her boss spent last summer clapping on his doorstep
- Man left despondent after remembering Toby Young exists
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Fearless defender of the rights of the common man Simon Williams has struck a blow against totalitarian government by lying to the lady behind the till at his local Tesco this morning.
