Thumbnail image for Massive EU election conspiracy foiled after Brexit voter uses a pen

Massive EU election conspiracy foiled after Brexit voter uses a pen

A huge and complex rigging of the EU election has fallen apart at the seams thanks to ‘switched on’ Brexit supporters who have discovered the wonder of pens.

Thumbnail image for Mark Francois denies making throat-slitting gesture, claims insects were stuck in his jowls

Mark Francois denies making throat-slitting gesture, claims insects were stuck in his jowls

Amid growing concern about violence in British politics, the Tory party was forced to deny that the bombastic brexiter Mark Francois made a gesture mimicking a throat being cut towards Theresa May, explaining that he was merely trying to dislodge some insects from the folds of his chins.

Nigel Farage’s Brexit Party bus was surrounded by men carrying milkshakes and iced lattes yesterday, a harrowing ordeal which has inspired the production of a new horror film by a leading Hollywood studio.

Following her dramatic resignation from Theresa May’s cabinet, Andrea Leadsom has travelled east in order to marry a Dothraki horse lord and consolidate her power before launching a campaign to replace Mrs May.

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Thumbnail image for Manchester United to feed more successful teams’ cats during European finals

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Manchester United are to feed the cats while Arsenal, Tottenham, Liverpool and Chelsea are all away playing in some important football matches.

Politics

Thumbnail image for Massive EU election conspiracy foiled after Brexit voter uses a pen

Massive EU election conspiracy foiled after Brexit voter uses a pen

A huge and complex rigging of the EU election has fallen apart at the seams thanks to ‘switched on’ Brexit supporters who have discovered the wonder of pens.

Entertainment

Thumbnail image for Screw it, we’re going to make a new show and just call it Tits and Dragons, says HBO

Screw it, we’re going to make a new show and just call it Tits and Dragons, says HBO

HBO is to fill the gap in schedules and hold on to audiences left by Game of Thrones by cutting to the chase and making a new series straight-up called Tits and Dragons, according to reports.

World

Thumbnail image for Missouri makes menstruation a crime after learning ovum could have been a child

Missouri makes menstruation a crime after learning ovum could have been a child

As part of a growing trend in the southern US states to curtail the reproductive rights of women, the state of Missouri has criminalized having a period, after discovering that it was the discharge of a viable ovum.

Technology

Thumbnail image for Huawei’s new phone unveiled as two tin cans and piece of string

Huawei’s new phone unveiled as two tin cans and piece of string

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Science

Thumbnail image for Moon astronauts will be self-employed and have to provide their own rockets, says Jeff Bezos

Moon astronauts will be self-employed and have to provide their own rockets, says Jeff Bezos

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Education

Thumbnail image for University is where you can just spout off and everyone has to listen, says man who understands nothing about universities

University is where you can just spout off and everyone has to listen, says man who understands nothing about universities

A man, who labels himself as a free speech advocate, has been making a tit of himself on social media by maintaining that the purpose of universities is to allocate lecture halls to any attention-seeking cretin regardless of how ignorant they are.

Business

Thumbnail image for Screw it, we’re going to make a new show and just call it Tits and Dragons, says HBO

Screw it, we’re going to make a new show and just call it Tits and Dragons, says HBO

HBO is to fill the gap in schedules and hold on to audiences left by Game of Thrones by cutting to the chase and making a new series straight-up called Tits and Dragons, according to reports.