Thumbnail image for “Harry Potter and The Ceremonial Mace” begins filming in Westminster

“Harry Potter and The Ceremonial Mace” begins filming in Westminster

A new Harry Potter film has apparently kicked off in Westminster.

Thumbnail image for Southampton cancel Sunday’s match with Arsenal because they don’t fancy losing

Southampton cancel Sunday’s match with Arsenal because they don’t fancy losing

Southampton FC has announced that it has cancelled the match against Arsenal scheduled for Sunday because they will almost certainly lose and apparently, this sort of thing is fine now.

As Theresa May goes back to Brussels in order to extract more concessions following yet another chaotic failure to get her deal approved, EU bigwigs have adopted a unified policy of locking themselves in, turning off the lights and not answering the door.

Theresa May has taken the unprecedented step of cancelling the next general election after deciding that she does not have sufficient support to win the vote.

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Sport

Thumbnail image for Southampton cancel Sunday’s match with Arsenal because they don’t fancy losing

Southampton cancel Sunday’s match with Arsenal because they don’t fancy losing

Southampton FC has announced that it has cancelled the match against Arsenal scheduled for Sunday because they will almost certainly lose and apparently, this sort of thing is fine now.

Technology

Thumbnail image for Everyone knows your mother’s maiden name and the name of your first pet

Everyone knows your mother’s maiden name and the name of your first pet

With the news that over 500 million Marriot customers have had their accounts hacked, it has been confirmed that literally everyone on the planet now knows the name of your first pet and your mother’s maiden name.

Science

Thumbnail image for UN apologises after host asks Sir David Attenborough if he can twerk

UN apologises after host asks Sir David Attenborough if he can twerk

The UN has apologised to Sir David Attenborough after he was asked by the host at a UN climate change conference a host if he could twerk.

Education

Thumbnail image for Public schools grateful to media for highlighting how good they are at getting students into Oxbridge

Public schools grateful to media for highlighting how good they are at getting students into Oxbridge

The top eight public schools in the country are overjoyed that news outlets have decided to show just how much their exorbitant fees are worth it when it comes to getting pupils into Oxford and Cambridge.

Business

Thumbnail image for Expensive Christmas supermarket adverts ensure people continue using supermarket nearest to their house

Expensive Christmas supermarket adverts ensure people continue using supermarket nearest to their house

The millions spent by supermarket chains on Christmas advertising is proving successful at making sure customers continue to shop in the same places they do every single week.