In an attempt to outflank spending pledges by Tory and Labour candidates in the run-up to the general election, Lib Dem leader Jo Swinson has promised every voter the moon on a stick, should the Lib Dems be returned to power on 12th December.
Chip shop staff still stuck at work 20 hours after asking Jeremy Corbyn if he wants salt and vinegar
A chippie in Lancaster saw the creation of a huge queue and staff forced to work round the clock after the Labour leader ordered a small chips and battered veggie sausage but steadfastly refused to give a clear answer when asked if he wanted his chips seasoned.
Children in Need celebrates raising less than half the cost of Boris Johnson’s aborted ‘Get Ready for Brexit’ ad campaign
Friday night saw Children in Need raise an incredible £47.9m, which is almost half the amount Boris wasted on a vainglorious ad campaign for a Brexit deadline he knew he couldn’t achieve.
The Duke of York claims he couldn’t possibly have been in Buckingham Palace being interviewed for Newsnight because he was in South Wales at the time chowing down on a Football Special.
In a sensational TV interview, Grand Moff Tarkin, a leading light in the former Galactic Empire, has claimed that he could not be responsible for the destruction of Alderaan because he was at a children’s party at the Pizza Express in Woking.
- Woking Pizza Express swift to publicly deny Prince Andrew was ever at any of their parties
- New challenger emerges for title of ‘Most Memorable Royal Car Crash’
- Completely innocent man rues accidentally surrounding himself with criminals
- Boris sings perfect rendition of ‘The Lies On The Bus Go Round and Round’ to group of confused toddlers
- Venetian gondoliers now offering romantic boat tours of Venice’s historic rooftops
- Dropped Brexit Party candidates who turned down bribes to withdraw now ‘totally pissed off’
- Dad to read out loud every item on the menu before ordering
- Brexit Party candidate drops out after old social media posts reveal him to be a reggae fan
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