Boris Johnson is really struggling on his enormous salary.
Your dustbin counts as a safe place to leave a parcel, Amazon confirms
The large receptacle marked “Domestic refuse” outside your house is a perfectly safe place to leave any parcels, Amazon has confirmed today.
Donald Trump’s cognitive decline escalates as he continues to attack opponent he ran against four years ago
American voters have today been left concerned about Donald Trump’s very obvious cognitive decline, after the President posted a campaign video seemingly unaware it was attacking the opponent he beat four years ago.
A family plagued by a terrible spectral presence which wreaked havoc in their home at night turned out just to own a cat, it has emerged.
“Parents will use meal vouchers to buy drugs” insist people who believe drug dealers accept vouchers
Drug dealers do not accept “vouchers” as payment, it has been revealed this morning.
- Concern for Priti Patel after Ocado discontinues virgin’s blood
- Thames Water issues moon with overdue water bill
- Government set to ban Halloween trick or treating, just in case any hungry kids get fed
- Organisms on moon think Tory MPs are scum, announce NASA
- Nation actually kind of intrigued to know what excuse government will use when it inevitably U-turns on school meals
- Poppy-geddon due to begin imminently
- Man who doesn’t watch Strictly because ‘dancing is for gays’ furious as show includes first ever same-sex pairing
- Tory suggests poor families make their own Confit de Canard rather than visit expensive French bistros
Also in the News
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People claiming to be ‘true British patriots’ oddly determined that a portion of British children should starve
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Tory MP Ben Bradley wakes up refreshed following lovely dream in which he was hailed as national hero for proving Marcus Rashford wrong to feed hungry children
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