Vladimir Putin has responded to Ukraine’s Eurovision victory with the ominous suggestion that Moldova are his top tip to win next year’s contest.
Government to help working parents’ take on more hours’ by increasing number of hours in a day to thirty
The government has vowed to help working parents to take on more hours at work it is revealed today by increasing the number of hours in a day to thirty from next week.
Finland has more than enough tractors to defeat a Russian tank invasion, confirms NATO
NATO are set to allow Finland to join their alliance, after calculating that they probably wouldn’t need military support in the event of a Russian invasion anyway.
People struggling with the cost of living crisis should just move to a job that pays better wages, according to safeguarding minister and wise economic sage Rachel Maclean.
Boris Johnson, Prime Minister and serial law-breaker, has finally admitted exactly why the so-called ‘oven-ready’ Brexit deal he agreed to was so bad.
- Dad still furiously voting for Spain
- “Well done Ukraine for winning Chucklevision” says Boris
- Queen to just do fun stuff from now on
- “What if Ukraine’s song is a bit shit though?” ask nervous Eurovision voters
- ‘Working from home doesn’t work’, insists man facing gruelling 25-second commute to his office
- Nation grimly waits for Michael Gove’s Jamaican accent
- Palace officials confirm that if the ‘worst happens’ they will keep Platinum Jubilee celebrations going ‘Weekend at Bernie’s’ style
- Tories set ambitious target to level up two or even three people by 2030
Also in the News
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Boris Johnson finally admits his oven-ready Brexit deal might have given everyone the terrible shits
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Man who insisted ‘We did all we could’ now living in house with most lockdown fines in the whole of the UK
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