Politics

Coughing, feverish Boris Johnson personally licking shut thousands of Coronavirus letters for British households

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Boris Johnson has written a letter about the Covid-19 crisis, copies of which will be sent to every household in the country, and despite self-isolating for the disease himself the PM is pitching in by personally licking shut thousands of envelopes.

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You can not hide from me, self-isolating Dominic Cummings tells absolutely everyone in government

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Despite being self-isolated after showing symptoms of coronavirus, Dominic Cummings has issued a stark warning to government workers that he is everywhere at all times, regardless of his physical location.

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Boris Johnson finally writes to his own children

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By writing to everyone in the country the Prime Minister is reaching out to his various offspring in a way he never has before.

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People rejoicing at Tory ministers getting sick reminded that it can only happen for so long before Mark Francois becomes PM

Thumbnail image for People rejoicing at Tory ministers getting sick reminded that it can only happen for so long before Mark Francois becomes PM

The government has explained that, if enough Tory MPs get incapacitated, the reins of the country could very well end up in the hands of a xenophobic potato who thinks he deserves a remembrance day all to himself, so maybe you should lay off the online snark.

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Self-isolating Boris spends first day making 100 red buses out of crates

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The Prime Minister may be self-isolating but he’s still getting his priorities right and making loads of crappy wooden red buses.

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Americans across the US arrange synchronised applause for insurance executives they hope will let them get treatment if they get sick

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This evening at 8pm Americans across the US will unite in celebration of the people who might get to make life and death decisions on their behalf in the next few weeks.

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Covid-19 tests positive for Boris Johnson

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Covid-19 has been found to be dealing with mild symptoms of Boris Johnson after being tested positive for the condition.

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Undiagnosed Covid-19 sufferer not all that bothered which company makes the ventilator he’ll be needing next week

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As rows erupt on social media over which companies get to make the ventilators required by the NHS, those who will be needing them shortly couldn’t give less of a shit.

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Fears grow over depleting stockpile of bullshit excuses after government reduced to claiming it ‘missed the email’

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The knock-on effects of the COVID 19 crisis has created shortages in government supplies including its own reserve of decent justifications for their cock-ups, with some departments having to use those normally reserved for interns who went on the lash and didn’t make the Monday meeting.

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Man caught on ‘second walk of the day’ released after telling police he was on way to off-licence

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Although the government has brought in strict rules preventing people from going outside for a walk more than once per day, a Wokingham man has discovered a loophole where you can walk as often as you like if you tell the police when questioned that you were going to the off-licence.

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