Politics

European Research Group of Tory MPs calls for end to NI protocol they voted for nine weeks ago

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A group of Tories that continue to insist the nation knew exactly what it voted for five years ago, has decided it doesn’t like what it voted for nine weeks ago.

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Teachers to decide grades by making kids fight it out in a cage

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This year GCSE and A-level grades will be determined by pupils’ prowess in hand to hand combat.

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Scientists succeed in reanimating the corpse of Phillip Hammond

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Scientists have successfully reanimated the corpse of ex-Chancellor Phillip Hammond, effectively bringing him back to life.

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Spectator magazine unites British Isles in not giving a toss about their bizarre little crusade against Nicola Sturgeon

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The pillar of the conservative literati for two centuries, the Spectator magazine, has accused the general public in the UK of being woke leftwaffe SJWs after it was revealed nobody really gives a fuck about Alex Salmond’s dismissal.

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We’ll ensure no child is left behind unless they need food, says government

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Boris Johnson has assured the public that no child will be left behind due to Covid, unless of course their parents don’t have decent jobs.

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‘Vaccine passports will definitely not be mandatory’ insists government, ‘unless you want to leave the house’

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The government has confirmed today that so called ‘vaccine passports’ will not become mandatory for all UK adults, until at least next month when of course they will, if you wish to actually leave your house and visit a real life place.

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Introverts dreading the easing of restrictions on social gatherings

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Introverts have today expressed their dismay at Boris Johnson’s plans to gradually ease social restrictions.

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Steve Baker’s CRG demand a ‘more death-y’ roadmap out of lockdown

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Steve Baker, the leader of the Covid Recovery Group, has hit out at the newly announced roadmap out of lockdown claiming it isn’t nearly fatal enough for the majority of people.

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Living with the knowledge he ‘did wrong’ is punishment enough for Matt Hancock, insists High Court

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Despite the High Court deciding he and his department behaved unlawfully in withholding details of PPE contracts given to his friends, the justice system has decided that living with his behaviour is punishment enough.

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Boris Johnson unveils roadmap for going back into lockdown in the summer

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Boris Johnson has set out his roadmap for moving England out of lockdown in the spring and back in again in the summer.

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