Politics

EU elections set to be even more disappointing than Game of Thrones finale

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The final episode of Game of Thrones and the coming EU elections are vying for the coveted title of Biggest Letdown of 2019, with both sides hoping to produce a record number of sunken shoulders and dashed expectations.

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We are having a fourth vote on my deal in case anyone has changed their mind, insists irony-free Theresa May

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Theresa May has announced a fourth vote on her Brexit deal to be held next week, defending the decision to hold yet another vote by saying it’s perfectly possible for people to change their minds on a major decision in just a few weeks.

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Brexit Party to highlight ‘undemocratic’ nature of EU by running in democratic EU election

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The Brexit Party is continuing its strident campaign against the ‘undemocratic’ EU on the eve of democratic EU elections which give everyone in Europe the opportunity to shape the EU Parliament through an election.

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Far-right supporters unhappy about milkshake jokes quietly asking themselves ‘Wait, are WE the snowflakes?’

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As hilarious milkshake jokes filled the Internet yesterday, furious far-right campaigners were forced to ask themselves, ‘Are we the real snowflakes?’

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Chris Grayling throws milkshake at himself – and misses

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Inspired by the recent spate of milkshake attacks Chris Grayling finally decided to lash out at his own incompetence. But he totally cocked it up.

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Newspaper columnist planning to vote for ‘someone unexpected’ believes people give a shit

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A columnist has written a column about how he intends to vote for someone unexpected because he appears to genuinely believe people give a shit.

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Brexit Party to avoid further unfortunate milkshake incidents with new protective uniform

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After Nigel Farage was the unfortunate victim of yet another milkshake attack, party officials have quickly moved to introduce a new party uniform that will protect wearers from dairy-wielding attackers.

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Jeremy Renner to play Tommy Robinson in “No Country for Brown Men”

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Tommy Robinson’s ‘thugs to riches’ story is getting the Hollywood treatment.

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‘Nazi salute’ actually began as a reflex to block incoming milkshakes, confirm historians

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The so-called ‘Nazi salute’ or ‘Hitler salute’ was never actually a greeting and was more of a reflex against incoming dairy projectiles, historians have confirmed today.

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Boris Johnson promises an extra £350m a week for the NHS if elected Tory leader

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Boris Johnson, MP for Uxbridge and South Ruislip and former comedy Foreign Secretary, has launched his bid for the Conservative Party leadership by pledging to boost NHS funding by £350 million a week if he wins.

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