Politics

Completely innocent man rues accidentally surrounding himself with criminals

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Completely innocent President of the United States Donald Trump has once again been left surprised at the fact one of his closest advisers has been found guilty on several federal charges.

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Boris sings perfect rendition of ‘The Lies On The Bus Go Round and Round’ to group of confused toddlers

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Boris Johnson has been filmed entertaining a group of children with a song about buses that deviated from the traditional nursery rhyme known across the world.

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Dropped Brexit Party candidates who turned down bribes to withdraw now ‘totally pissed off’

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The fallout continues from Nigel Farage’s decision not to stand Brexit Party candidates in Conservative seats, with the new revelation that the axed candidates who had declined Tory offers of peerages and cushy jobs are now feeling rather miffed.

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Brexit Party candidate drops out after old social media posts reveal him to be a reggae fan

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Simon Williams, a belligerent pub landlord, has resigned as the Brexit Party candidate for South Croydon after political opponents uncovered several of his old Facebook posts praising legendary rocksteady band Toots and The Maytals and also showing an appreciation for Jamaican culture in general.

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Missing A&E waiting time targets probably means it’s time to change those targets, insists government

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The government has explained that the process of changing a target when you don’t meet it, is a key part of the government’s love of targets.

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Boris Johnson’s nose now so long he is unable to use revolving doors

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Boris Johnson is no longer able to use revolving doors, it has been revealed, as his nose has grown so long that he cannot fit safely in one of the compartments.

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Brexiters at a loss trying to find a way to blame floods on the EU

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Harrumphing xenophobes who view every tragic event as part of a European conspiracy to keep Britain down have been struggling to come up with a convoluted argument to blame Brussels for excess rain.

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Tories drop behind Labour in the polls after Boris filmed absolutely butchering a cup of tea

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The Tory party has suffered a dramatic collapse in support after prime minister Boris Johnson was filmed putting the milk into a cup of tea before taking out the teabag.

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Telling Boris to “act natural” during Tory election broadcast was a mistake, concedes director

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The Conservative party put out a “unique” election broadcast last night.

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Yorkshireman puts visiting Boris Johnson to work in flood defences as replacement sandbag

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Boris Johnson has been put to work as part of the flood defences outside a Yorkshireman’s house this morning, despite hoping for nothing more than a warm handshake and a photo opportunity.

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