Politics

New Covid rules to be based on PJ Masks World, says Boris

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The UK’s latest Covid regulations have been inspired by the Prime Minister’s recent visit to PJ Masks World.

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Man living in Stalinist Russia can’t believe future generations will be subject to the tyranny of facemasks

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A man living in Stalinist Russia has found it difficult to believe that one day in the future, people will be made to wear small bits of cloth across their face when they pop to the shops.

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Boris Johnson responds to French criticism about Twitter diplomacy with Tik Tok diss video

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After the French govt’s cancellation of a meeting with Priti Patel over Downing Street’s decision to issue smug demands in a Twitter post, Boris Johnson has responded with a 25-second video of him slandering Macron’s mother and warning him to stay out of West London.

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Donald Trump spends afternoon killing all Thanksgiving turkeys previously pardoned by Joe Biden

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Donald Trump has spent his final afternoon before the Thanksgiving break slaughtering by hand every single turkey pardoned by president Joe Biden.

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It’s not misogynistic to call Nadine Dorries ‘f*cking useless’ if she really is ‘f*cking useless’, insists man

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A man has hit back against accusations he was misogynistic towards Culture Minister Nadin Dorries, insisting it’s not misogyny to call a woman ‘f*cking useless’, if she is, indeed, ‘f*cking useless’.

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Government confirms Boris Johnson’s next speech to be written in really big Crayola Crayons

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Boris Johnson’s next speech is set to be written in really big coloured Crayola Crayons it has been revealed today in order for him to be able to follow it and understand what he’s saying.

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Boris Johnson appoints Daddy Pig to major cabinet position

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Prime Minister and twice winner of Horrible Fat Bastard magazine’s Man of the Year Boris Johnson has announced that Peppa Pig’s Dad will be joining his cabinet with immediate effect.

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Peppa Pig is nothing like Spearmint Rhino, warns disappointed Boris Johnson

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Boris Johnson warned that despite the superficial similarity in names, Peppa Pig World ‘could not be further’ from the land of Spearmint Rhino.

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Carrie Johnson appears in video call with IOC chief to explain she doesn’t believe Boris has “buyer’s remorse”

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Boris Johnson’s wife has just sat through a 30-minute Zoom discussion with IOC president Thomas Bach to explain that she was safe, not remotely upset about claims her husband had joked about having buyer’s remorse and asked the press for privacy in this trying time.

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Protests across Europe as people demand right to transmit Covid

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Protests have swept across Europe as people everywhere demand the right to catch and transmit Covid.

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