Politics

Santa refused visa to deliver presents in post-Brexit UK

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Changes to Britain’s immigration system since leaving the European Union will stop Santa Claus from making his annual festive flying visit, it has emerged.

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Liz Truss promises to allow Tory Party members first dibs on contents of all charity collection boxes

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Tory leadership favourite and maniac Liz Truss has announced a bold new plan to grant all Tory Party members ‘first dibs’ on the contents of any and all charity collection boxes. “It is one of the great scandals of our time that the contents of charity collection boxes go to charities,” explained the Foreign Secretary […]

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Fringe comedians accused of ‘punching down’ after mocking soon to be unemployed man with dozens of kids to feed

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Whilst political satire has always been a mainstay at the Edinburgh Fringe, commentators are concerned that comedians are unfairly punching down on the soon to be unemployed Boris Johnson.

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Daily Mail condemns ‘Thuggish Left’ after Boris Johnson heckled while pissing on your Nan’s grave

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The Tory press has been excoriating the lack of decorum of ‘the militant wokiestas’ after Boris Johnson was booed while he decided to take a slash on the grave of your Nan who was killed by his ineptitude before wiping his cock on reports of how you’re going to starve this winter.

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Boris treats himself to nice holiday after exhausting fifteen minutes of work in energy meeting

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After turning up for fifteen minutes of work at a crunch meeting with energy bosses, an exhausted Boris Johnson has treated himself to a week or so in Greece.

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Boris Johnson spotted seriously considering a full hour’s work

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Boris Johnson has been spotted seriously considering doing a full hour’s work today. 

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‘There is nothing more Tory than profiteering from the supply of a human necessity’ insists Liz Truss

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Liz Truss has insisted the excess profits made by energy companies during an energy crisis that is pushing millions of people towards energy poverty is in line with ‘Conservative values’.

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Supermarkets stop selling Tory governments to prevent bin fires

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Leading UK supermarkets are taking any products off their shelves which are likely to become bin fires – such as disposable barbecues and Conservative governments.

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Rishi Sunak pledges ‘Eat Out to Blackout’ scheme to address energy crisis

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Former Chancellor Rishi Sunak will cunningly reduce demand on gas and electricity by making people eat in restaurants.

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‘Recall Parliament in midst of cost of living crisis’ OR ‘Another cocktail by the pool’ – the real-life Sophie’s Choice facing Boris Johnson

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Boris Johnson is facing the most difficult decision of his life, as calls for him to recall Parliament show no signs of abating, but the poolside bar has at least three rum cocktails he has yet to sample.

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