Politics

Doncaster homeless man delighted with upgrade that now sees him sleeping under the ‘bright lights of a big city’

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There has been a rapturous reaction amongst several homeless communities this morning, following the news that they will no longer have to sleep on the streets of small, insignificant towns and will instead spend their nights under the lights of a big bright city.

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Channel 4 should be funded like that streaming service I also appear to have no clue about, insists Nadine Dorries

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Nadine Dorries has moved swiftly on from not understanding how Channel 4 is funded, to insisting it should be more like Netflix, a streaming service whose model she understands so well she regularly violates their terms of use.

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Government announces new windfall tax to cover the cost of investigating Downing Street staff

Tory windfall tax

The government is to finally introduce a new windfall tax on energy companies it is revealed today, to cover the massive cost of police investigations into law-breaking by Downing Street staff. With ‘partygate’ investigations finally coming to an end this week, along with further investigations now underway into a Tory MP for rape, a new […]

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Sir Keir Starmer to raise profile with release of funk covers album and short tour

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Apparent leader of the opposition Sir Keir Starmer is to make an attempt to raise his profile amongst voters with the release of a funk covers album and a short tour of mid-range venues around the country.

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Egg-covered statue of Margaret Thatcher officially declared a food bank

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The government has today announced that the egg-spattered statue of former UK despot Margaret Thatcher, erected in Grantham on Sunday, is to be officially recognised as a food bank and become a ‘key source of nutrition’ for the local community.

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Met Police release Tory MP accused of rape after establishing he’s not black

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The Met Police have released the Tory MP accused of rape and sexual assault on bail after establishing beyond doubt that he is not black.

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‘There was no way to predict this’ explains man to millions of people who predicted this

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Boris Johnson is leading the charge to unilaterally change the terms of the Northern Ireland Protocol, insisting there was no way to predict how it has turned out, despite being surrounded by millions of people who accurately predicted exactly how it has turned out.

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Tory voter insisting ‘Not All Tories’ still strangely keen to blame all Muslims for terrorism

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After yet ANOTHER Tory MP was arrested on suspicion of sexual offences, one Tory voter has felt compelled to insist ‘not all Tories’ are a danger to women, despite a lengthy history of blaming ‘all Muslims’ in the aftermath of terrorist attacks.

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Boris pledges to get Brexit done. Again.

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Boris Johnson, Prime Minister and criminal, has pledged to get Brexit done for a second time.

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‘Terrifying’ – Boris recalls EU delegates holding gun to his head to make him sign Northern Ireland Protocol

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Boris Johnson, Prime Minister and criminal, has recalled the harrowing moment when several EU delegates pointed a gun to his head to make him sign the Northern Ireland Protocol.

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