Politics

Government set to ban Halloween trick or treating, just in case any hungry kids get fed

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The government is set to ban trick or treating this Halloween it has been revealed, just in case any desperate hungry children are inadvertently fed.

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Organisms on moon think Tory MPs are scum, announce NASA

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NASA has announced that they have received a mysterious signal from the lunar surface stating that all Tory MPs are scum.

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Nation actually kind of intrigued to know what excuse government will use when it inevitably U-turns on school meals

Thumbnail image for Nation actually kind of intrigued to know what excuse government will use when it inevitably U-turns on school meals

As pressure mounts on the government to reverse its decision to refuse free meals to underprivileged children during the school holidays, the nation has been left intrigued to know which excuse will be chosen for the inevitable u-turn.

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Poppy-geddon due to begin imminently

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With less than a month to go before Remembrance Day, it is expected that England will shortly descend into its annual bout of Poppy insanity.

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Tory suggests poor families make their own Confit de Canard rather than visit expensive French bistros

Thumbnail image for Tory suggests poor families make their own Confit de Canard rather than visit expensive French bistros

A leading Tory has suggested that it would be quite simple for families to make their own Confit de Canard at home, rather than frittering away money on visits to expensive French bistros.

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People claiming to be ‘true British patriots’ oddly determined that a portion of British children should starve

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A bizarre number of people who count patriotism as one of their personality traits are determined to see a bit of Britain go hungry.

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Tory MP Ben Bradley wakes up refreshed following lovely dream in which he was hailed as national hero for proving Marcus Rashford wrong to feed hungry children

Thumbnail image for Tory MP Ben Bradley wakes up refreshed following lovely dream in which he was hailed as national hero for proving Marcus Rashford wrong to feed hungry children

Tory backbench MP woke feeling lovely and refreshed this morning, after a frankly delightful dream in which he was hailed as a national hero for showing the nation how wrong Marcus Rashford was for trying to feed the country’s hungry children.

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Tories step up campaign to prevent children eating by criminalising grandparents who give kids sweets

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The Government has sought to step up its campaign against children eating food by making it a criminal offence for grandparents to give their grandchildren sweets.

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People living in poverty very grateful for budgeting advice from rich Tory MPs

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Parents who’ll now be struggling to feed their children in the school holidays are thankful for the advice dished out by wealthy Tories which is always extremely realistic and not at all patronising.

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Proud Brexiter updates his ‘British Independence Day’ tattoo with yet another leaving date

Thumbnail image for Proud Brexiter updates his ‘British Independence Day’ tattoo with yet another leaving date

Proud Brexit supporter and patriot Derek Williams has this morning updated his UK Independence Day tattoo, after hearing that a ‘proper Brexit’ might finally be happening – this time to the start of January.

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