Science

Storm Brendon set to cause chaos: is it Meghan’s fault?

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Storm Brendon is expected to make landfall on Great Britain today bringing travel and infrastructure chaos and experts are suggesting that this first named storm of the year could be the fault of Meghan Markle, Duchess of Sussex.

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Hopes rising that Jacob Rees-Mogg has returned to the late nineteenth century

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Police investigating the whereabouts of Jacob Rees-Mogg believe he may have returned to the century from which he came, it has emerged.

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World leaders confident they will be able to ignore climate study endorsed by 11,000 scientists

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World leaders led by Donald Trump are confident they will be able to successfully ignore a new study that declares Climate change to be a ‘clear and unequivocal’ emergency.

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Homeopathic research institute unable to tell which test group took the placebo

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Disaster struck ongoing attempts to prove the efficacy of homeopathic remedies today after researchers forgot which of the test groups took the placebo.

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Climate change ‘written off as a hoax’ as weather finally does what it’s supposed to at this time of year

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The weather has actually become autumnal, which means climate change is officially a hoax.

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Global leaders announce plans to hope climate catastrophe sorts itself out

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In response to huge climate protests around the world, leaders from all nations have announced plans to hope it all sorts itself out.

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Habitable planet absolutely shitting itself after being discovered by humans

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Planet K2-18b, which scientists say contains water and gases compatible with the presence of life, is said to be ‘absolutely cacking it’ at having been spotted by the notorious ‘human race’.

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Man who spent £30K fighting £100 speeding fine offered role as Brexit Secretary

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A man who spunked his son’s inheritance money up the wall on worthless causes has been offered his dream role of Brexit Secretary.

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Media declare Amazon fires ‘important enough for front page’ after discovery of old cathedral in the rain forest

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The world’s media has agreed that the Amazon forest fires are worthy of the front page after learning that an old cathedral was threatened along with 20% of the planet’s oxygen making ability.

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Prevent seagulls from stealing chips by smearing yourself in excrement, say scientists

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Following last week’s announcement that the best way to prevent seagulls stealing your chips was to stare at them, scientists have now come up with new advice.

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