Science

Aliens prepared to intervene over Irish backstop

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Creatures from another world are among the latest to suggest Theresa May’s Brexit plan is total wank, it has emerged.

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This feathered dinosaur thing is bullshit, says everyone over thirty

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People who grew up with proper dinosaurs are unwilling to accept all this feathers crap that scientists are now coming out with.

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Escaped panther warned to be on the lookout for Scottish people

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Police are urgently searching for a reported escaped black panther in Scotland before it meets any of the locals.

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Chris Packham to present Hallowe’en Gothwatch for the BBC

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Every year, huge flocks of goths return to their mating grounds in Whitby – and the BBC wildlife team will be there to see it happen.

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Men win more Nobel Prizes than women because they are smarter, say utter dimwits

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Complete imbeciles across the world have responded to recent accusations, that the Nobel Committee is biased against female nominees, by claiming men are inherently more predisposed to brilliance despite every word they have ever uttered being a damning indictment to the contrary.

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Your brain waiting until half two tomorrow morning to remind you of that stupid thing you did

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Your brain is planning to remind you of the stupid thing you did 15 years ago in the early hours of tomorrow morning, it has confirmed.

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Students who bunked lectures during Homeopathy degree secure better marks than full attendees

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The University of Basingstoke has confirmed that the less often students turned up for classes on its new Homeopathy degree course, the higher the mark they got.

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Satirical website discovers new way to stuff even more adverts onto the page

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Popular satirical clickbait site FactPunch! has discovered some new and exciting methods to cram even more adverts onto their page, they have announced today.

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“Stop me before I tweet again,” begs emotional Elon Musk

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Serial entrepreneur and social media accident waiting to happen Elon Musk has begged friends to take his phone off him whilst he still has a company to lose.

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Ignore what the so-called ‘experts’ say and throw us some damn bread, demand ducks

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Ducks across the country are demanding that you continue to throw pieces of bread in their direction, no matter how bad so-called experts insist it might be for them.

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