Science

NASA to lose no claims discount after crashing into asteroid

Thumbnail image for NASA to lose no claims discount after crashing into asteroid

American Space Agency NASA will be looking at increased insurance premiums after losing its no claims discount following a collision into an asteroid this week.

Read the full article →

Scientists urged to divert attention away from space exploration to create pillow that stays cool all night

Thumbnail image for Scientists urged to divert attention away from space exploration to create pillow that stays cool all night

Scientists have been urged to put their brainpower to something more critical than the long-term survival of the human race and to solve the mystery of the pillow that won’t stay cool during the night.

Read the full article →

Oh you like the James Webb Space Telescope? Fine, name three of its spectrographic analyses of exoplanet atmospheres

Thumbnail image for Oh you like the James Webb Space Telescope? Fine, name three of its spectrographic analyses of exoplanet atmospheres

There’s a simple wonder and joy from observing the depths of time and reality and contemplating your place in the infinite vastness of creation, and I’m damned if I’m going to let you just enjoy it.

Read the full article →

Large Hadron Collider reactivated to search for Piers Morgan’s viewing figures

Thumbnail image for Large Hadron Collider reactivated to search for Piers Morgan’s viewing figures

The world’s most powerful device for finding infinitesimally small things has been switched on to help in the search for the audience for Piers Morgan’s TalkTV show.

Read the full article →

Man seemingly determined to out himself as ignorant simpleton after posting chemtrail conspiracy theory

Thumbnail image for Man seemingly determined to out himself as ignorant simpleton after posting chemtrail conspiracy theory

A man has this morning decided to publicly out himself as a low-information simpleton by pointing at the sky and loudly shouting ‘chemtrails’.

Read the full article →

Man joins Manchester Airport check-in queue for summer holiday in August

Thumbnail image for Man joins Manchester Airport check-in queue for summer holiday in August

A man has joined the check in queue at Manchester Airport today for his upcoming summer holiday in August. 

Read the full article →

Asteroid survives near miss with moron-infested planet

Thumbnail image for Asteroid survives near miss with moron-infested planet

Asteroid 2022 GN1 has dramatically survived a near-miss with ‘Earth’, a planet well-known for carrying dangerously high levels of morons. The planet apparently came within 127,000 kilometres of the building-sized asteroid, which is merely a hair’s breadth in cosmic terms. Planetary expert Simon Williams explained, “It’s a lucky escape for asteroid 2022 GN1, certainly. Planet Earth is […]

Read the full article →

Opinion: I will not stay at home in fear of a storm that 99.999% of the population will survive

Thumbnail image for Opinion: I will not stay at home in fear of a storm that 99.999% of the population will survive

The mainstream media has been too quick to buy into the fear narrative of the so-called experts, and no one is focussing on the fact that Storm Eunice is incredibly unlikely to kill you.

Read the full article →

Scientists confirm it’s only been six weeks since Christmas

Thumbnail image for Scientists confirm it’s only been six weeks since Christmas

Scientists have confirmed the shocking news that it’s actually only been six weeks since Christmas rather than, as many people have assumed, 4-5 months.

Read the full article →

Scientific advances mean Michael Gove may soon be able to f*ck off enough

Thumbnail image for Scientific advances mean Michael Gove may soon be able to f*ck off enough

For many years now, it has been assumed that it was physically impossible for Michael Gove to ever actually fuck off enough, but thanks to a new scientific advance in fucking off he could actually fuck off enough before the end of the year.

Read the full article →