Science

Archive footage reveals British inventor reached space thirty years before Bezos and Branson

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The space race between privately-funded businessmen was pre-empted by a single British inventor in the late 1980s, it has emerged.

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Jeff Bezos now resident in space for tax purposes

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Today Amazon Boss Jeff Bezosslipped the surly bonds of Earth’s taxation laws, becoming space’s first tax exile.

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CEO who wanted tax-funded bailout somehow scrapes together enough pennies to go to f*cking SPACE

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Richard Branson has found enough money to dick about in space for a bit, despite asking for a tax-funded bailout last year.

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Hope for millions after scientists isolate gene that makes people think winking is acceptable

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In a breakthrough for humanity, geneticists believe they have found the gene that causes some wretched unfortunates to think that a wink, often accompanied with a quick tilt of the head, is somehow a perfectly reasonable way to communicate with fellow human beings.

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People who refuse vaccine the hardest also complaining about restrictions the loudest

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People who refuse the covid vaccine because “God knows what’s in it” are also the ones demanding to know why there might be a delay in lifting restrictions.

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Weather app about as trustworthy as Boris Johnson

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The weather app on your phone appears to be telling you what you want to hear, rather than what you should be hearing, according to reports this afternoon.

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Chinese rocket debris crash lands in Keir Starmer’s back garden

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A shit week for Keir Starmer has ended on a low note with Chinese space junk wrecking his expansive back garden.

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Perseverance rover devastated as first selfie gets only 17 likes

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Nasa’s Perseverance rover has suffered a major dent in its confidence today following news that the first selfie taken by the craft received only 17 likes on Instagram within the first 2 hours of posting.

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Scientists reconsider status of crows as ‘smartest animal’ following evidence they share antivax memes

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Scientists have today begun to reevaluate the position of crows as ‘nature’s smartest animal’ after a number were witnessed sharing anti-vax memes in the wild.

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Side-effects in 0.0002% prove vaccine is ‘deadly’ claims moron who insists virus that kills 0.5% is ‘nothing to worry about’

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After further EU countries suspended the use of the AstraZeneca vaccine following reports of blood clots affecting fewer than 40 of the 17 million recipients, idiots who don’t understand how numbers work have been quick to condemn the jab.

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