Business

Climate change deniers unveil an evil Greta Thunberg

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Senior representatives of the planet’s leading climate change and global warming denying organisations have met today in the Texan city of Corpus Christi, where the first International Smoke Summit has been inaugurated, an event that aims to counter the UN Climate Change Conference in Madrid.

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Toffifee mysteriously appears on supermarket shelves again

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This year, as every year, there was mystery surrounding the recent arrival of Toffifee to supermarket shelves in the run-up towards Christmas.

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Single man displaying Christmas cards from his utility providers

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A single male from Bracknell has received more adverts disguised as Christmas card than actual Christmas cards but is nonetheless happy to display them around his home.

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People who don’t watch the Queen’s speech should be hung, drawn and quartered, insists Daily Mail

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The Daily Mail has today called for the re-introduction of the death penalty after it emerged that not everyone tunes in to watch a pre-recorded broadcast from Her Majesty on Christmas Day.

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Colleague reveals plans to cause a scene at Christmas drinks once again

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“That guy” will be at it again this Christmas.

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Woman secures 20% Black Friday discount after wasting 30% of her day shopping for deals

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A woman is celebrating this afternoon after securing a 20% discount on a product she didn’t need, and that it only cost her 20% of her day looking for it.

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Boris Johnson hoping to pick up a pair of balls in the Black Friday sales

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After chickening out of a Channel 4 leader’s debate on the environment, and hiding away from Andrew Neil like a frightened child, Boris Johnson is hoping to pick up a pair of big swinging testicles in the Black Friday sale.

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Jo Swinson sends her CV off to Facebook

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Following an uninspiring election campaign and dismal poll showings, it is understood that Liberal Democrat leader Jo Swinson has already sent her CV off to Facebook to see if they’ve got any jobs.

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LinkedIn looking to attract corporate bastards as well as corporate shitheads

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LinkedIn is looking to broaden its demographic with a determined drive to attract corporate bastards to complement its already huge user base of corporate shitheads.

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Elon Musk ushers in the future predicted in 80s sci-fi by launching car out of TimeCop

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The 2020s will begin just like 80s movies predicted with incredibly ugly box-like cars that go really slowly, Elon Musk has confirmed at his launch today.

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