Business

Games Workshop £5,000 staff bonus turns out to be one pot of paint and half a Primaris Marine

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Staff at retailer Games Workshop have received a promised £5,000 bonus in stock – meaning an average of one pot of Nuln Oil and ‘most of’ a Primaris Marine.

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‘Bloody foreigners, staying over there avoiding our jobs’ bemoans Brexiter

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Numerous Brexiters are today criticising the EU for raising a load of workshy fops unwilling to come over here and pull pints and drive lorries for decent British patriots.

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Archive footage reveals British inventor reached space thirty years before Bezos and Branson

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The space race between privately-funded businessmen was pre-empted by a single British inventor in the late 1980s, it has emerged.

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Man uses news that there is ‘no need to panic buy’ as his cue to begin frantically panic buying

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A man has begun frantically panic buying this morning after being told that there is absolutely no need to begin panic buying.

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Tragedy strikes as Jeff Bezos returns alive and unharmed from space

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Disaster struck this afternoon as billionaire Jeff Bezos’ trip to the edge of space passed without a hitch and he returned as planned.

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Scientists unsure if dickheads become estate agents or estate agents become dickheads

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Scientists worldwide remain baffled by the sequence of events leading to the inevitable dickhead of an estate agent.

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Starbucks Caramel Frappe to cost £3,000 as new sugar tax unveiled

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A Venti Caramel Frappe from Starbucks could cost up to £3,000 it has been revealed today, as details of a new potential ‘sugar tax’ is unveiled for sales of food and drinks in the UK.

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Richard Branson now resident in space for tax purposes

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Today Sir Richard Branson slipped the surly bonds of Earth’s taxation laws, becoming space’s first tax exile.

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Pre-match TV build-up to Sunday’s Euro final starting now

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TV channels have adjusted their schedules to account for Sunday’s Euro final between England and Italy and accordingly the build-up, punditry, and hastily thrown-together documentaries will begin approximately now.

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‘I need to book Monday off work’ says entire nation

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The entire nation has suddenly decided it may need to book Monday off work it is revealed.

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