Business

Global conspiracy to poison entire population under threat after Ryanair introduces chemtrail surcharge

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Ryanair is to implement a new surcharge for all chemtrails dispersed during their flights.

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Man angry at ban on junk food advertising worried he might forget what a cheeseburger is

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A man who has loudly described his opposition to a ban on advertising junk food, is really just worried he might forget about some of the things he likes.

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Just get better-paid jobs, explains Tory minister to struggling families who had never considered such a radical move

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People struggling with the cost of living crisis should just move to a job that pays better wages, according to safeguarding minister and wise economic sage Rachel Maclean.

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‘Working from home doesn’t work’, insists man facing gruelling 25-second commute to his office

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Boris Johnson has insisted that working from home doesn’t work, and that if he can spend 30 seconds getting to the office every day, then you should be happy spending three hours on trains to do the same. As the Tories come under increasing pressure from wealthy donors with significant investments in commercial property portfolios […]

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Energy companies making an extra couple of billion profit every month during an energy crisis is no reason to implement windfall tax, insists government

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The government has reacted to vastly increased profits by BP and Shell in the midst of an energy crisis by insisting now is not the time to consider a windfall tax for companies raking it in while everyone else suffers.

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‘Then he stamped on a kitten and murdered someone’ – Daily Mail continues Starmer ‘Beergate’ investigation

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Boris Johnson fan club newsletter The Daily Mail has continued with its ‘investigation’ into a picture of Keir Starmer drinking something with new revelations that the Labour leader stamped on a kitten’s head and committed murder. “Murdering Kitten-stamping Bastard,” screamed the headline on this morning’s edition of the overpriced bog roll. It went on to […]

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Elizabeth Line bosses promise passengers ‘state of the art’ excuses for delays

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With the Elizabeth Line finally set to open later this month, just four years late, passengers will be delighted to learn that bosses have spent millions developing the next generation of feeble excuses for their inevitably delayed services.

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Elon Musk’s Twitter reign already paying huge dividends with glorious return of Tommy Robinson

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Elon Musk’s commitment to free speech is already paying dividends after convicted fraudster, stalker, and assaulter of police officers Tommy Robinson was welcomed back onto the platform. Robinson, who has been removed from numerous social media platforms over the years for his repeated belief that the rules and laws of the land don’t apply to […]

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Billionaires buying social networks always works out brilliantly, insists former MySpace owner Rupert Murdoch

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Rupert Murdoch has praised Elon Musk’s purchase of Twitter, insisting billionaires buying social networks always leads to positive outcomes.

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Madman to buy toilet wall for $44bn

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Some lunatic is spaffing an obscene amount of money in order to own Twitter.

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