Business

Proud and patriotic Brexit supporters excited by new opportunity to pay more for their mobile bills

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Proud Brexit supporters are today hailing the opportunity to pay more for their mobile bills when using them abroad, after years of meddling eurocrats needlessly securing them cheaper mobile rates throughout the EU.

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Travel firms desperate to learn to which countries they can drastically increase the cost of holidays

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Travel companies are desperately waiting for news today of the countries to which they can drastically increase the price for a holiday the very instant that they are placed on the green list for travel.

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Heroic freedom fighter strikes blow against tyranny by lying to shop assistants

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Fearless defender of the rights of the common man Simon Williams has struck a blow against totalitarian government by lying to the lady behind the till at his local Tesco this morning.

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Survey finds 50% of men lie about watching porn

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After a new survey found 50% of men watch pornography from time to time, the nation wonders if the 50% who answered ‘no’ were in earshot of their partner at the time.

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Brewdog release new ‘Stop Complaining or You’re F*cking Sacked’ IPA

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Brewdog has released a new beer entitled ‘Stop Complaining or You’re Fucking Sacked’ today as part of their new campaign to address staff morale.

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Acting unlawfully is a bad thing to do, unless it enriches your friends, confirm Tories

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Michael Gove has today clarified the government’s position on ‘acting unlawfully’, insisting it is a bad thing unless it is done to enrich the friends, family or indeed political donors.

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‘Bloody foreigners, staying over there avoiding our jobs’ bemoans Wetherspoons’ Tim Martin

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Wetherspoons boss Tim Martin has today criticised the EU for raising a load of workshy fops unwilling to come over here and pull pints for decent British patriots.

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“30% off for gays during Pride Month” beams cynical used car dealer

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A used car dealer has massively missed the mark when it comes to Pride Month.

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Ryanair passengers charged ‘hijack fee’ after flight is forced to land in Belarus

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Passengers aboard a Ryanair flight bound for Lithuania that was forced by a fighter jet to land in Belarus have been charged extra for the privilege, it has emerged.

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Decent journalists don’t trick people into interviews, say people involved in hacking dead schoolgirl’s phone

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Britons are delighted to be told by an assortment of racists-for-hire, phone hackers, blackmailers, stalkers and creeps who publish long-range lens bikini shots with the title “all grown up”, that the shady actions of one journalist decades ago should be the end of the BBC.

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