Business

Fungi producers facing bankruptcy as everybody off mushrooms now

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Some fungi producers have announced that they face bankruptcy as salacious revelations about Donald Trump’s penis has made everyone nauseous at the thought of mushrooms.

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Buying expensive trainers somehow means you should also support your friends’ stupid business ideas

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You’ve bought some nice clothes from a shop, so you should definitely buy some hideous, over-priced clothing designed by one of your friends, according to Facebook this morning.

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Marmite maker’s relocation plan either loved or hated by shareholders

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The decision to move the headquarters of the manufacturers of Marmite has split shareholders into two opposing camps, according to reports.

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Satirical website discovers new way to stuff even more adverts onto the page

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Popular satirical clickbait site FactPunch! has discovered some new and exciting methods to cram even more adverts onto their page, they have announced today.

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Richard Branson’s Instagram post about importance of punctuality mostly read by commuters on delayed Virgin trains

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A post by Richard Branson on Instagram on the importance of punctuality has mostly been read by frustrated commuters waiting for one of his trains.

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iPhone XS to include revolutionary arsehole recognition technology

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The new iPhone XS will recognise the unique arsehole signature of its users and automatically log them in, according to details released today.

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Tim Cook unveils reasons why your current iPhone is already a piece of shit

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Apple CEO Tim Cook has unveiled a series of reasons why your existing iPhone is now disappointingly obsolete, and why you should immediately spend £1,000 on the new iPhone Xs.

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Honest takeaway ad shows man in pants shovelling curry into his mouth with his bare hands

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A new takeaway service is shaking up the industry by being brutally honest in its advertising.

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Brexit could end British workers’ right to take a prolonged shit at work, claim unions

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Several trade unions have sounded the alarm over a botched Brexit that could see Britons lose the sacrosanct right to take an overlong dump while on the clock.

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“Stop me before I tweet again,” begs emotional Elon Musk

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Serial entrepreneur and social media accident waiting to happen Elon Musk has begged friends to take his phone off him whilst he still has a company to lose.

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