Business

Conspiracy theorists wanking themselves silly as Saga Holidays becomes first to say all passengers must be vaccinated

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Conspiracy theorists have been wanking themselves stupid today over the news that Saga Holidays have become the first UK travel agent to insist that all passengers must be vaccinated in order to travel.

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£500 self-isolation payment actually just £3.68 after contract to distribute money won by Chartwells

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Leaked plans to give anyone with a positive diagnosis of COVID-19 a payment of £500 to encourage self-isolation are already facing criticism after it was revealed that Chartwells had won the contract to distribute the payments.

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Internet determined to sell man earwax-removal products

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The Internet remains determined to sell a man earwax-removal products despite a seeming lack of interest from the man.

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Pfizer announces new 20% more expensive ‘Pink Vaccine’ for women

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The UK has bought 20 million doses of Pfizer’s slightly more expensive new ‘For Her’ vaccine, created especially for women.

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‘Venture capitalist funded companies enforcing their own rules is definitely communism’ insists moron

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“Communism is anything I don’t like,” insisted a moron this morning.

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New Creme Egg advert slammed for promoting the ‘abnormal’ behaviour of sharing chocolate

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An advert for Cadbury’s Creme Eggs is facing criticism from all quarters for promoting the idea that anyone would want to ever share their chocolate.

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New edition of Warhammer to be set in Washington DC

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The next edition of Games Workshop’s game of terrifying, chaotic despair and sudden violence will be set in Washington DC just after one of the President’s speeches, the company has confirmed.

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Motivation to make 2021 ‘your year’ dead after reading just three work e-mails

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2021 can already go and fuck itself, according to you this morning.

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Brexiters demand unequivocal ban on EU farmers catching potatoes in British soil

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Brexiters are today demanding that all EU farmers be immediately banned from catching potatoes in sovereign British soil.

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Exposed! Shocking conditions in Santa’s workshop following Mike Ashley takeover

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Prior to Mike Ashley’s takeover of Santa’s workshop there were concerns throughout the elvish community that the Sports Direct mogul would bring about a dramatic deterioration in working conditions.

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