Business

Security services hugely grateful to everyone for uploading their biometric data to FaceApp

Thumbnail image for Security services hugely grateful to everyone for uploading their biometric data to FaceApp

The nation’s security services have thanked users of FaceApp for voluntarily uploading facial biometric data to a device on the Internet so they can file it away for use as they please.

Read the full article →

‘Free Delivery over £75’ is not a f*cking special offer, online shops told

Thumbnail image for ‘Free Delivery over £75’ is not a f*cking special offer, online shops told

The world has united in disdain for online companies sending emails with ‘Special offer inside!’, only to find it contains a ‘free delivery when you spend over £75’ voucher inside.

Read the full article →

Thomas Cook’s £750m rescue bidders offered extra leg room for only £150m more

Thumbnail image for Thomas Cook’s £750m rescue bidders offered extra leg room for only £150m more

Fosun, the Chinese investment firm who are attempting to rescue ailing travel agent Thomas Cook for £750m, have been offered extra legroom at the company for only £150m extra.

Read the full article →

Prisons stretched to breaking point after 30,000 journalists join Tommy Robinson inside for committing ‘Journalism’

Thumbnail image for Prisons stretched to breaking point after 30,000 journalists join Tommy Robinson inside for committing ‘Journalism’

Prisons across the country have reported being stretched to breaking point after 30,000 journalists were imprisoned for the crime of journalism.

Read the full article →

Facebook outage forces entire nation to descend into state of mass productivity

Thumbnail image for Facebook outage forces entire nation to descend into state of mass productivity

After social networking site Facebook went off-line this afternoon, the nation’s workers descended into what experts are calling a ‘terrifying frenzy of productivity’.

Read the full article →

Socialist Party of Catan demands nationalisation of wood and sheep industries

Thumbnail image for Socialist Party of Catan demands nationalisation of wood and sheep industries

The People’s Democratic Socialist Party of the country of Catan has demanded the vital industries of wood and sheep be nationalised to end the inefficient trading arrangement which currently exists.

Read the full article →

Pride month ends and so does company’s obligation to pretend to care

Thumbnail image for Pride month ends and so does company’s obligation to pretend to care

The gays have had their fun and everyone should get back to focussing solely on work, according to every major company this morning.

Read the full article →

Freelancer’s landlord happy for rent to be paid in ‘exposure’

Thumbnail image for Freelancer’s landlord happy for rent to be paid in ‘exposure’

A freelance writer has accepted a gig paying in exposure after his landlord said he was willing to accept it as payment for next month’s rent.

Read the full article →

Drug addict just makes things worse by stealing Warhammer player’s bag

Thumbnail image for Drug addict just makes things worse by stealing Warhammer player’s bag

A man who thought crack was the most addictive thing he’d ever have the misfortune to encounter has just stolen a Warhammer player’s bag, we can report.

Read the full article →

De Beers diamond company announces move into lucrative pick ‘n’ mix business

Thumbnail image for De Beers diamond company announces move into lucrative pick ‘n’ mix business

Diamond company De Beers has told shareholders to expect a bumper year after moving away from diamond mining and into the more highly lucrative business of dealing in pick ‘n’ mix.

Read the full article →

← Previous Entries