Business

German Wetherspoons completely empty after unvaccinated banned from pubs

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All branches of Wetherspoons in Germany have precisely zero customers now that all ‘rational, sensible people’ are banned from going to their bars.

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Companies to allow employees to quietly have individual Christmas parties at their desks

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Many large companies are cancelling their office Christmas parties this year, and instead are asking employees to quietly have their own individual Christmas parties alone at their own desks.

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Local 5-a-side team ‘nearly finished’ with your MyHermes parcel

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Your MyHermes parcel is on its way, as soon as this 5-a-side game wraps up.

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Heroic anti-masker to demonstrate formidable bravery not seen since the Blitz by refusing to wear a mask in Tesco

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Modern-day Churchill and brave freedom fighter Simon Williams has today channelled the Blitz spirit of his forefathers to announce he will complete his weekly supermarket shop without wearing a mask.

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HGV driver shortage sees Coca-Cola replace Christmas lorries with Christmas bicycles

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Coca-cola has been hit by the HGV driver shortage, leaving their festive, articulated lorries stranded at the distribution centre.

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Disappointment and panic at realisation someone else used ‘No sleep for you’ joke on new baby card

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There was widespread disappointment and panic amongst colleagues at Lennox and Stewart Ltd when it became clear that one of the first people to write on a new baby card had already used the ‘No sleep for you now’ joke.

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Kyle Rittenhouse the new face of “DropEm: self defence for bone dry eyes”

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Kyle Rittenhouse has been found not guilty and the sponsorship offers are already rolling in.

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Being able to get to Wigan quickly totally makes up for all the other ways we’ve been fucked, agrees younger generation

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By 2040 the UK will have excellent rail links to Wigan, a benefit that young people are happy more than offsets having to live with their parents forever on an uninhabitable planet.

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‘We thought Leeds was in Manchester’ admits government

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The government has defended its decision to scrap the East Midlands to Leeds HS2 rail link today after admitting that they actually thought Leeds was in Manchester when the initial plans were agreed.

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Brexiter celebrates UK’s wonderful new opportunity to pay higher credit card transaction charges

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As Amazon announced it would stop allowing customers to pay using Visa Credit cards due to a rise in fees charged by the payment company, Brexiters everywhere have celebrated the opportunity to give more money to banks.

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