Business

Social distancing forces Debenhams to limit number of in-store shoppers to three times the normal numbers

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Debenhams has advised that they intend to limit the number of shoppers allowed in store to just three times what they would normally get on any given day under strict new social distancing guidelines.

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Parliament and other non-essential activities to reopen in June

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Next month will see the reopening of things which society could take or leave – such as Parliament.

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New edition of Warhammer 40,000 launched ten minutes after fans finish paying off their credit cards from the last one

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Fans of Warhammer 40,000 are reported to be delighted, excited and facing crippling debt after the 9th edition of the game was announced within minutes of the final instalments on the last one being paid.

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Woman disappointed to be recalled from furlough just as she discovers her favourite breakfast wine

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A Basingstoke woman has expressed her disappointment at being recalled from furlough just as she has discovered her favourite breakfast wine.

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University of Life announces all courses to be online Facebook memes and weird YouTube channels from September

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Students at the University of Life will be able to get all the education they need from Facebook memes and obscure YouTube channels from September, it has announced.

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Man working from home still slightly late every single day

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A man who’s been working from a desk in the corner of his bedroom for the last two months is on the verge of getting sacked for consistent tardiness.

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Queen forced to shop at Lidl as tourism revenue dries up

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Her Majesty now has to shop at Lidl because travel restrictions have led to a massive drop in her revenues.

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Wetherspoons to re-open as garden centres after their beer is found to work as weed killer

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Wetherspoons are taking advantage of a loophole in the law after submitting their cask beers to the Gardening & Horticulture Association for reclassification as weed killer.

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“You can visit family as long as you make an offer on their house” confirms government

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The fun and games around lockdown rules continued this morning.

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Premier League clubs refusing to play in empty stadiums, insisting Manchester City would have unfair advantage

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The Premier League’s controversial ‘Project Restart’ plan took a heavy blow today, after several clubs claimed that the plan to resume the league in front of empty stadiums would give Manchester City an unfair advantage, given how used to it they are.

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