World

Missouri makes menstruation a crime after learning ovum could have been a child

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As part of a growing trend in the southern US states to curtail the reproductive rights of women, the state of Missouri has criminalized having a period, after discovering that it was the discharge of a viable ovum.

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Rapists who want a big family all heading to Alabama

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American rapists who have always fancied having a big family are moving to Alabama in their droves, according to reports this afternoon.

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Alabama outlaws abortion in cases of incest because that’s about half their population

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Almost half the population of Alabama could be affected if abortion in cases of inbreeding was legalised, reports have confirmed today.

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Donald Trump convinced Roe vs Wade was legendary 1970’s Wimbledon final

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Roe vs Wade was an outstanding tennis match featuring Virginia Wade and someone called Roe, rather than an important piece of abortion legislature, according to Donald Trump.

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Warmaster Horus to stand as ‘anti-establishment’ candidate in forthcoming elections

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Warmaster Horus has pledged to break up the ‘cosy Terran consensus’ in the forthcoming elections, according to reports today.

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Queen’s normal morning newspaper mysteriously replaced by Japan Times during breakfast with Prince Charles

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The Queen has had her usual morning newspaper mysteriously replace by The Japan Times during breakfast with the Prince of Wales.

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ISIS leader appears on video to address his organisation’s poor Glassdoor ratings

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ISIS leader Abu Bakr Al-Baghdadi has appeared on video for the first time in four years to address ongoing concerns about the rating his organisation has on Glassdoor, which is affecting recruitment efforts.

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Japan’s emperor to abdicate after discovering he’s been naked for last 30 years

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The Japanese emperor is to stand down after unwittingly spending the last three decades stark bollock naked.

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Spanish STI rates plummet as fewer Britons choose EU holidays

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Spain is longer a giant petri dish of sexually transmitted diseases thanks to Brexit uncertainty.

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Anti-vaxxers delighted that the thousands of dead unvaccinated kids were probably autism-free

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Anti-vaccination activists were left delighted today after it was revealed that the thousands of children who have died as a result of preventable diseases were probably autism-free at the time.

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