World

German Wetherspoons completely empty after unvaccinated banned from pubs

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All branches of Wetherspoons in Germany have precisely zero customers now that all ‘rational, sensible people’ are banned from going to their bars.

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Macron makes grovelling apology to clowns for comparing them to Boris Johnson

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A social media uproar by clowns and their allies has coerced the Elysee Palace into responding to a report that the French President had privately compared clowns to the joke without a punchline that is the Prime Minister of the UK.

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Epstein Pilot: I flew to Pizza Express in Woking over 200 times

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Jeffrey Epstein’s long-time pilot has testified in court that he flew VIP’s to a number of luxury locations worldwide, including Pizza Express in Woking, over 200 times.

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‘I was just passing’ insists royal assassin spotted in gallery at Ghislaine Maxwell trial

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A royal assassin spotted at the trial of Ghislaine Maxwell has insisted today that he was just passing by and decided to pop his head in to see what all the fuss was about with no intention of ‘offing’ anyone if they said anything ‘stupid’.

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WHO to abandon Greek alphabet and name new Covid variants after Adam Sandler movies

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There are plans for the World Health Organisation to abandon the flawed Greek alphabet system of naming Covid variants in favour of the works of Adam Sandler, it has emerged.

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Boris Johnson responds to French criticism about Twitter diplomacy with Tik Tok diss video

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After the French govt’s cancellation of a meeting with Priti Patel over Downing Street’s decision to issue smug demands in a Twitter post, Boris Johnson has responded with a 25-second video of him slandering Macron’s mother and warning him to stay out of West London.

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Donald Trump spends afternoon killing all Thanksgiving turkeys previously pardoned by Joe Biden

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Donald Trump has spent his final afternoon before the Thanksgiving break slaughtering by hand every single turkey pardoned by president Joe Biden.

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Madonna fuming after being found in less than a minute in game of hide and seek

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Madonna is fuming today after lasting less than one full minute in a family game of hide and seek at her home.

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Americans to spend evening giving thanks for stuff they have before getting up to fight over stuff they don’t need

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Families across America will spend this evening giving thanks for everything they have, before waking up tomorrow morning prepared to kill for lots of things they really don’t need.

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Bruce Willis spotted aboard Nasa Dart rocket holding industrial sized drilling equipment

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Bruce Willis was spotted aboard Nasa’s Dart rocket it has been revealed today, holding some large industrial-sized drilling equipment along with a group of other misfits as it blasted off from the earth.

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