World

Donald Trump devastated after having to share his usual daily order of 300 burgers with visitors to the White House

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President Trump cried himself to sleep yesterday after being forced to share his supper with a national college football championship winners, the Clemson Tigers.

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Trump’s wall to be reinforced with ‘thoughts and prayers’ after success in preventing school shootings

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President Trump has revealed that the wall he intends to build along the border with Mexico will be made from the strongest material; thoughts and prayers.

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Donald Trump denies ever saying he would be faithful to his wife directly

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President Trump has rolled back another promise, insisting he never said he’d be directly faithful to his wives.

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Amazon boss Jeff Bezos celebrates divorce deal after being awarded 50% of wife’s hair

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Jeff Bezos is the true winner in the divorce with his wife Mackenzie as he looks set to receive half her beautiful long, flowing locks in the settlement.

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Donald Trump uses Oval Office address to demand new PlayStation, candy, and ‘hot secretaries’

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Lazy incompetent racist sex-pest Donald Trump has made a second national address from the Oval Office to demand a new PlayStation, some candy, and some ‘hot secretaries’ for the White House.

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Builders hugely impressed by Donald Trump’s inability to build a wall on time

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Builders across the UK have been left inspired by Donald Trump not starting some building work almost two years after he promised he would.

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Disrupting flights is the worst thing drones have ever done, agree homeless Syrians

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After flights were delayed at Heathrow due to drone activity, citizens from Syria have expressed their deepest sympathies for those passengers who have had flights cancelled or delayed due to the action of a drone.

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Donald Trump asked if he actually knows what happened to the wall in Game of Thrones

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Donald Trump might not have watched the telly show from which he keeps pilfering ideas.

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American “sick of hearing foreigners speaking foreign” still doesn’t speak Navajo or Cherokee

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A racist American is still refusing to learn any of the languages of his country.

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Body of Aquaman washed up on Irish beach with stomach full of plastic

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Children, nerdy adults and weirdos are in a state of mourning today, following confirmation that a body washed up on a beach in Ireland yesterday was that of DC Superhero, Aquaman.

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