World

Americans across the US arrange synchronised applause for insurance executives they hope will let them get treatment if they get sick

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This evening at 8pm Americans across the US will unite in celebration of the people who might get to make life and death decisions on their behalf in the next few weeks.

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Covid-19 claims Harvey Weinstein consented to infection

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After convicted sex offender Harvey Weinstein was revealed to have Covid-19, the disease has been quick to explain that it was a completely consensual infection.

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Successful medical trial proves celebrities singing ‘Imagine’ causes Coronavirus to die of embarrassment

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Celebrities have unwittingly helped in the global fight against coronavirus by finding a way to make it voluntarily die of complete embarrassment.

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Donald Trump rolls out the latest form of racism to combat COVID-19

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In a dramatic shift in policy, the President of the United States has put on hold anti-Latino racist initiatives and instead directed officials to put all of their efforts into demonising Asians in general and the Chinese in particular until the coronavirus crisis is over.

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Vladimir Putin reluctantly agrees to quarantine himself inside the Russian President’s office until at least 2036

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Vladimir Putin has sadly announced he has no choice but to self-isolate in the President’s office for as long as necessary – possibly years, if not decades.

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Boris rolling a dice to decide on today’s Coronavirus strategy

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Boris Johnson is currently rolling a dice to decide what today’s strategy for coronavirus will be.

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US ban on large gatherings could force mass shooters to go door-to-door

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America’s burgeoning mass-shooting industry could be an unforeseen casualty of the coronavirus due to a ban on gatherings large enough to be considered reasonable targets.

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Donald Trump recommends wearing a hat to prevent coronavirus

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US President and insane despot Donald Trump has introduced new measures to prevent the spread of coronavirus, chief amongst them is the recommendation to always wear a hat.

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Man delighted by email from Nigerian Prince about inheriting 25 million toilet rolls

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Local man Simon Williams has inherited 25 million toilet rolls off a Nigerian Prince, according to an email he’s just received.

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Weinstein feels ‘great remorse’ that he has to go to prison

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Disgraced movie producer Harvey Weinstein has spoken of the ‘great remorse’ he feels at having to go to prison.

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