World

America has lots of guns, it is revealed

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America has lots and lots of guns it is revealed today.

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Global supply of Hovis threatened as Yorkshire canal blocked

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The global economy faces losses of up to seventy-five pence after a major waterway in Yorkshire was blocked overnight, according to reports.

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US police to be issued mandatory pictures of guns, in order to check what they are actually holding

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Police officers in the US are to be provided with mandatory pictures of handguns to keep in their vehicles to enable them to double check what they are actually holding in their hand at any given time.

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True Detective season 4 to feature trigger-happy cowards who constantly mention that they have black friends

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The next instalment of the HBO crime anthology series is said to move away from highly charismatic sleuths fighting sinister crime syndicates and instead showcase the daily lives of skittish racists whose incompetence routinely turn simple traffic stops into a bloodbath.

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Montagues and Capulets resume ancient feud as restrictions on two households mingling lifted.

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Two households, both alike in dignity, are allowed to mingle in the pursuit of their ancient grudge from today.

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Meghan Markle claims Prince Philip had a small private burial three days ago

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Meghan Markle has shocked royal watchers across the world, after telling her good friend Oprah that Prince Philip was actually buried in a small private burial three days ago.

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DMX and Prince Philip make awkward small talk at pearly gates

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Prince Philip and DMX are attempting to make polite small talk on the way into heaven.

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Perseverance rover devastated as first selfie gets only 17 likes

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Nasa’s Perseverance rover has suffered a major dent in its confidence today following news that the first selfie taken by the craft received only 17 likes on Instagram within the first 2 hours of posting.

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Middle-Age Mutant Ninja Turtles are here to fight lower back pain and credit card debt

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The Ninja Turtles have grown up, and so have their problems.

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Piers Morgan tells Tucker Carlson that ‘gormless slimy tosspot’ is a coveted honorific in the UK

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In a tell-all interview on Fox News, Piers Morgan assured America that the UK supported his crusade against Meghan Markle as can be seen by how many people hurl insults and threaten scrotal removal with ill-adapted tools whenever his name is mentioned.

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