World

‘I am the chosen one’ says man who doesn’t live in real world and wants guns – lots of guns

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President Trump appears to have explained why he exists in a fantasy world and loves firearms.

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Isle of Wight renamed Isle of White in hope Donald Trump might fancy buying it

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The Isle of Wight is today rebranding as the Isle of White in the hope Donald Trump is still looking for a European island to buy.

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Denmark counteroffers by offering to buy Puerto Rico

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Denmark has responded to Donald Trump’s offer to buy Greenland with a suggestion they buy Puerto Rico instead, as ‘he’s not taking very good care of it’.

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But Berlin’s hard border worked really well, Boris Johnson tells Angela Merkel

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Boris Johnson is meeting Angela Merkel in Berlin where he will persuade her to remove the Irish backstop plan by pointing out that the hard border between East and West Germany didn’t cause any problems.

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Trump administration moves to abolish women

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The American government confirmed today that it intends to abolish women as it believes that they are responsible for all the evils of the world.

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Orphaned baby said I was doing a great job, the best, claims Donald Trump

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Donald Trump has spoken of the glowing endorsement he was given by the orphaned baby used in his photo op at an El Paso hospital yesterday.

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Rebranding exercise to see Instagram renamed as ‘Please like my photo because I crave the validation of strangers’

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Facebook-owned Instagram is to be rebranded to reflect its purpose as a validation tool for people with low self-esteem and no actual friends.

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Trump slams Dayton and El Paso survivors for not smiling more during his photo op

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After examining photographs in the press of his recent visits to Dayton and El Paso, President Trump has today chastised the survivors for ruining his photos.

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‘Storm Area 51’ event removed from Facebook by aliens

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A Facebook event encouraging people to ‘storm’ Area 51 was removed from Facebook for a short period before being reinstated.

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Trump reminds country that without guns, the Wolverines of Red Dawn would never have triumphed

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Apparent US President Donald Trump has launched a passionate defence of Americans’ right to bear arms by invoking the Wolverines, the former high school football team who became an insurgent group of freedom fighters during the Russian occupation in the film Red Dawn.

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