World

Vivaldi’s Four Seasons reduced to Two in light of climate change

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Antonio Vivaldi’s Four Seasons concerti will now consist of just two seasons, because that’s all there are these days.

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Katie Hopkins suddenly keen to avoid everyone judging a whole group because of the actions of one lone murderer

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Far-right provocateur and walking yeast infection Katie Hopkins has been uncharacteristically vocal about the unfairness of ascribing collective guilt now that it’s been shown the mass murderer in Germany was not Muslim.

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World’s bellends demand instant vaccine as Coronavirus hits iPhone production

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Planet Earth’s dickheads have demanded an instant vaccine against that Covid-19 thing as it emerged that a deceased Chinese workforce could substantially delay the rollout of the new iPhone.

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NRA proposes school librarians be issued with silenced firearms

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As part of their initiative to protect both America’s children and the sanctity of the learning environment, the NRA has proposed issuing silenced pistols to librarians.

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Harvey Weinstein’s Zimmer frame wins supporting Actor Oscar for role in making him look harmless

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On a surprise night at the glitzy Oscar ceremony, the award for Best Supporting Actor was won by the Zimmer frame belonging to the legendary disgraced film producer Harvey Weinstein, for its incredible performance in making him look harmless.

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US legal system set for overhaul after nation sees benefit of ignoring evidence and witnesses

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The US legal system is set to become even more efficient after the Senate demonstrated the effectiveness of ignoring evidence and witnesses when conducting a trial.

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US Senate finds bear not guilty of shitting in woods

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The US Senate has stunned wildlife watchers after acquitting brown bear, Derek Williams, of public defecation in the large wooded area where he lives.

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Donald Trump hails availability of air, light, and water under his Presidency

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Donald Trump has used his annual State of the Union address to hail the availability of air, light, and water under his Presidency.

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Rampant consumerism celebrates 54th consecutive Super Bowl victory

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Marketing professionals are celebrating yet another a magnificent victory in yesterday’s Super Bowl LIV, after securing unprecedented levels of coverage for their range of tawdry products.

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Black History Month kicks off with the now traditional ‘wailing of the c*nts’

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Although delayed by Brexit day and the subsequent media circus, Black History Month has officially begun across North America with the ritual social media harping of predictable fuckwits making tedious comments as to not having a month for other ethnic groups or how Britain abolished slavery.

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