Technology

“Epstein’s prison CCTV file erased itself” confirm US prosecutors

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CCTV footage from Jeffrey Epstein’s jail cell has mysteriously disappeared because of course it has.

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New power station to be powered by Bram Stoker spinning in his grave

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Britain is expected to achieve its zero-carbon targets almost thirty years early after Bram Stoker was discovered to be spinning in his grave at over 72,000 rpm overnight.

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Mandalorian bitterly regretting feeding baby Yoda after midnight

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Letting that adorable little gremlin have a cup of soup after midnight has turned out to be a serious mistake, the Mandalorian has grudgingly admitted today.

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HG Wells builds time machine so he can punch whoever was responsible for that adaptation of War of the Worlds

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Popular Edwardian novelist and inventor of the concept of Time Travel Herbert George Wells has appeared in central London this morning, intending to punch whoever made the BBC adaptation of War of the Worlds squarely on the nose.

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Three months wasn’t long enough, claims man who couldn’t register to vote at 11:55pm

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Voter Simon Williams has criticised the government for having a voter registration website that doesn’t cater for the extremely disorganised.

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9 million unregistered voters preparing themselves to start voter registration process 1 hour before deadline

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Britain’s unregistered voters are preparing themselves to start the voter registration process one hour before the deadline tonight.

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LinkedIn looking to attract corporate bastards as well as corporate shitheads

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LinkedIn is looking to broaden its demographic with a determined drive to attract corporate bastards to complement its already huge user base of corporate shitheads.

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Elon Musk criticised for letting his Minecraft-obsessed children design new Tesla Cybertruck

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Tesla CEO Elon Musk has been criticised after letting his Minecraft-obsessed children design his company’s flagship pickup truck.

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Elon Musk ushers in the future predicted in 80s sci-fi by launching car out of TimeCop

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The 2020s will begin just like 80s movies predicted with incredibly ugly box-like cars that go really slowly, Elon Musk has confirmed at his launch today.

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Lying sack of shit claims people don’t give a toss about being lied to by sacks of shit

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Dominic Raab, an amoral liar currently in charge of bankrupting Harry Dunn’s family for making too much of a fuss, has given the press his utterly worthless assurance that British voters could not care less about honesty or truth.

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