Technology

All the best investment opportunities use spam and fake social media profiles for promotion, insist crypto gurus

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Crypto gurus across the Internet have insisted that we should read nothing into their repeated use of fake social media profiles and comment spam to promote their get-rich-quick schemes.

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Outrage as woke, antifa Call of Duty game demands that you literally kill Nazis

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The latest Call of Duty game is a woke piece of shit and would dye its hair if it had any, according to reports this morning.

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Britain loses half a million man-hours trying to change the time on the nation’s ovens

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A report published today estimate that British people will collectively lose 480,000 hours trying to work out how to change the clock back one hour on the oven.

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Metaverse developers celebrate first radicalised user

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Metaverse developers are today celebrating the success of their new platform after the radicalisation of the first user to immerse himself in the VR platform.

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Facebook announces name change to Skynet

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Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg has announced his company is to change its name, in order to reflect a new direction and focus for the company.

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Phrase “absolutely beautiful” used only by middle-aged men commenting on random women’s photos

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The phrase “absolutely beautiful” has been lost to one group alone.

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Government insists ‘nothing to fear’ from storing state secrets with company that regular throws your stuff into your neighbours’ garden

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The government has insisted there is nothing to fear by allowing the nation’s secret services to give a huge contract to Amazon’s AWS business to be the platform to store secure information and state secrets.

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Naming my social media platform after the official newspaper of the Soviet Communist Party is ‘a total coincidence’ insists Donald Trump

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Donald Trump has announced a new social media platform named after the Soviet publication synonymous with propaganda, and none of this is remotely surprising.

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William Shatner steals Blue Origin rocket to search for reborn Leonard Nimoy

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An arrest warrant has been issued for Star Trek actor William Shatner, who is reported to have stolen the Blue Origin rocket he launched in today.

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Blue Origin crew concerned by new uniforms ahead of Shatner space flight

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New uniforms issued to the crew of Amazon’s Blue Origin rocket have led to concerns being expressed about what Jeff Bezos thinks might be going to happen.

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