Technology

Watch out for blonde politicians with high sex drives in your cyber career, Jennifer Arcuri warns Fatima

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Jennifer Arcuri has issued a warning to any female dancers who are preparing to retrain in cyber, especially those who don’t know it yet.

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Joe Biden creates MySpace account to attract youth vote

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Presidential hopeful Joe Biden has created a MySpace page to reach out to the youth vote and plans a major launch event today.

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iPhone 12 to include revolutionary arsehole recognition technology

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The new iPhone 12 will recognise the unique arsehole signature of its users and automatically log them in, according to details released today.

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Tim Cook set to unveil reasons why your current iPhone is already a piece of shit

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Apple CEO Tim Cook is set to unveil a series of reasons why your existing iPhone is now disappointingly obsolete, and why you should immediately spend over £1,000 on the new iPhone 12.

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Amazon once again busy trying to offload all the shit they can’t normally sell on Prime Day

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Amazon is offering deep discounts on all kinds of shit nobody in their right mind buys at any other time of year for the annual Prime Day event.

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Facebook bans content denying the Holocaust after finally being persuaded it definitely happened

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Facebook has moved to ban all Holocaust denial content from its platform following a lengthy investigation that concluded that yes, it did in fact happen.

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Spreadsheet and a broken app ‘well worth £12bn’ insist people who said £6bn to abolish tuition fees was bonkers

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£12billion for what amounts to a broken track and trace system is terrific value, according to people who warned against using half that figure to abolish tuition fees.

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Dido Harding reluctantly begins drafting resignation letter in single cell on Excel spreadsheet

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Following calls for her resignation, Dido Harding has today begun drafting her entire resignation letter in cell A1 of a new Excel spreadsheet.

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Cinemas to close as no more room on IMDB spreadsheet

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Cinemas are shutting their doors all over the world – not because of COVID, but because no more films can be made due to a spreadsheet error.

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I won’t use Test and Trace app because I value my privacy, insists man on Facebook using his GPS-enabled 4G-capable camera and microphone

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A man has revealed today that he will not be tracked by the government’s new Test and Trace app, after reading about it on his GPS-enabled 4G-capable device equipped with a high-definition camera and microphone.

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