Technology

James Webb telescope provides tantalising glimpse 5 billion years into the past with the first pictures of Jacob Rees-Mogg’s childhood

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Nasa has released the first images of Jacob Rees-Mogg’s childhood, thanks to the incredible far reaching photographic capabilities of the James Webb telescope. The James Webb telescope is the largest optical telescope in space, and its infrared capabilities mean it is able to glimpse far into the distance to a time before Earth even existed […]

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Oh you like the James Webb Space Telescope? Fine, name three of its spectrographic analyses of exoplanet atmospheres

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There’s a simple wonder and joy from observing the depths of time and reality and contemplating your place in the infinite vastness of creation, and I’m damned if I’m going to let you just enjoy it.

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Microsoft unveils “Resign from the Conservative government” Word template

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Microsoft is to save users time by adding a new, “Resign from the Conservative Party” template to Word, the software giant has announced today.

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Man who got today’s Wordle in two thinks someone gives a shit

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A man who got today’s Wordle solution in only two guests seems to be labouring under the illusion that someone, somewhere actually gives a shit.

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Angry Birds, Deliveroo integration: Javid announces new NHS App features

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Sajid Javid has announced that the NHS App will have a number of new features added over the following year. “Angry Birds is the big one,” explained Mr Javid. “It’s this brilliant game where you have to fling birds at pigs. It’s hugely popular, and it’s a real coup to be able to have that […]

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Apple unveils new digestible AirPods due to increased customer demand

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Apple CEO Tim Cook has revealed the 4th generation of its AirPod headphones, which the tech giant insists are completely digestible. At a hurriedly arranged product launch, Cook explained that his engineers had been working tirelessly to bridge that gap between unparalleled audio quality and easily absorbed micro-nutrients for the discerning customer who can’t tell […]

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Man celebrates after being added to 100th unnecessary WhatsApp group that he will never be able to leave

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A man is celebrating today after being added to his 100th unnecessary WhatsApp group from which he will never be able to leave due to his crippling politeness. 

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Donald Trump’s Truth Social platform banning people for suggesting his tan is fake

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Donald Trump’s right-wing free-speech loving social media platform ‘Truth Social’ is today banning hundreds of users for suggesting the former President might not be a ‘natural orange’. Despite insisting his platform is the last refuge of free speech, administrators for the Trump propaganda vehicle have been quick to permanently suspend any users expressing opinions they […]

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‘It cooks in just 60 seconds’ says man waiting two hours for his pizza oven to heat up

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A man has insisted today that he can provide a lovely home cooked pizza from his shiny new pizza over which cooks in just 60 seconds, after waiting approximately two hours for it to heat up.

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Elon Musk’s Twitter reign already paying huge dividends with glorious return of Tommy Robinson

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Elon Musk’s commitment to free speech is already paying dividends after convicted fraudster, stalker, and assaulter of police officers Tommy Robinson was welcomed back onto the platform. Robinson, who has been removed from numerous social media platforms over the years for his repeated belief that the rules and laws of the land don’t apply to […]

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