Technology

Watch out for blonde politicians with high sex drives in your cyber career, Jennifer Arcuri warns Fatima

Thumbnail image for Watch out for blonde politicians with high sex drives in your cyber career, Jennifer Arcuri warns Fatima

Jennifer Arcuri has issued a warning to any female dancers who are preparing to retrain in cyber, especially those who don’t know it yet.

Read the full article →

Joe Biden creates MySpace account to attract youth vote

Thumbnail image for Joe Biden creates MySpace account to attract youth vote

Presidential hopeful Joe Biden has created a MySpace page to reach out to the youth vote and plans a major launch event today.

Read the full article →

iPhone 12 to include revolutionary arsehole recognition technology

Thumbnail image for iPhone 12 to include revolutionary arsehole recognition technology

The new iPhone 12 will recognise the unique arsehole signature of its users and automatically log them in, according to details released today.

Read the full article →

Tim Cook set to unveil reasons why your current iPhone is already a piece of shit

Thumbnail image for Tim Cook set to unveil reasons why your current iPhone is already a piece of shit

Apple CEO Tim Cook is set to unveil a series of reasons why your existing iPhone is now disappointingly obsolete, and why you should immediately spend over £1,000 on the new iPhone 12.

Read the full article →

Amazon once again busy trying to offload all the shit they can’t normally sell on Prime Day

Thumbnail image for Amazon once again busy trying to offload all the shit they can’t normally sell on Prime Day

Amazon is offering deep discounts on all kinds of shit nobody in their right mind buys at any other time of year for the annual Prime Day event.

Read the full article →

Facebook bans content denying the Holocaust after finally being persuaded it definitely happened

Thumbnail image for Facebook bans content denying the Holocaust after finally being persuaded it definitely happened

Facebook has moved to ban all Holocaust denial content from its platform following a lengthy investigation that concluded that yes, it did in fact happen.

Read the full article →

Spreadsheet and a broken app ‘well worth £12bn’ insist people who said £6bn to abolish tuition fees was bonkers

Thumbnail image for Spreadsheet and a broken app ‘well worth £12bn’ insist people who said £6bn to abolish tuition fees was bonkers

£12billion for what amounts to a broken track and trace system is terrific value, according to people who warned against using half that figure to abolish tuition fees.

Read the full article →

Dido Harding reluctantly begins drafting resignation letter in single cell on Excel spreadsheet

Thumbnail image for Dido Harding reluctantly begins drafting resignation letter in single cell on Excel spreadsheet

Following calls for her resignation, Dido Harding has today begun drafting her entire resignation letter in cell A1 of a new Excel spreadsheet.

Read the full article →

Cinemas to close as no more room on IMDB spreadsheet

Thumbnail image for Cinemas to close as no more room on IMDB spreadsheet

Cinemas are shutting their doors all over the world – not because of COVID, but because no more films can be made due to a spreadsheet error.

Read the full article →

I won’t use Test and Trace app because I value my privacy, insists man on Facebook using his GPS-enabled 4G-capable camera and microphone

Thumbnail image for I won’t use Test and Trace app because I value my privacy, insists man on Facebook using his GPS-enabled 4G-capable camera and microphone

A man has revealed today that he will not be tracked by the government’s new Test and Trace app, after reading about it on his GPS-enabled 4G-capable device equipped with a high-definition camera and microphone.

Read the full article →