Technology

Twitter man finds Tess Daly attractive

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An Essex man has taken to Twitter in order to alert the popular presenter Tess Daly to the fact that he finds her attractive.

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Scientists give hope that incest-free porn is still out there

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Stroke material completely bereft of icky dysfunctional family relationships, that many believed had gone extinct in 2016, might have survived in some dark corners of the internet, according to the world’s foremost self-diddling experts.

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Pornhub to mark Remembrance Day with porn

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Pornhub has announced that, this year, it will be marking the November 11th Remembrance Day for the first time ever.

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United States to end disputes over Presidential elections by implementing VAR

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The United States is set to put an end to disputes over electoral decisions after the Premier League offered to assist with the implementation of VAR.

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Watch out for blonde politicians with high sex drives in your cyber career, Jennifer Arcuri warns Fatima

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Jennifer Arcuri has issued a warning to any female dancers who are preparing to retrain in cyber, especially those who don’t know it yet.

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Joe Biden creates MySpace account to attract youth vote

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Presidential hopeful Joe Biden has created a MySpace page to reach out to the youth vote and plans a major launch event today.

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iPhone 12 to include revolutionary arsehole recognition technology

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The new iPhone 12 will recognise the unique arsehole signature of its users and automatically log them in, according to details released today.

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Tim Cook set to unveil reasons why your current iPhone is already a piece of shit

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Apple CEO Tim Cook is set to unveil a series of reasons why your existing iPhone is now disappointingly obsolete, and why you should immediately spend over £1,000 on the new iPhone 12.

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Amazon once again busy trying to offload all the shit they can’t normally sell on Prime Day

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Amazon is offering deep discounts on all kinds of shit nobody in their right mind buys at any other time of year for the annual Prime Day event.

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Facebook bans content denying the Holocaust after finally being persuaded it definitely happened

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Facebook has moved to ban all Holocaust denial content from its platform following a lengthy investigation that concluded that yes, it did in fact happen.

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