Technology

Victory over Internet voting finally lays to rest bitter memories of my defeat against the Gutenberg printing press, insists Rees-Mogg

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Jacob Rees-Mogg has hailed his victory against Internet voting in the House of Commons, insisting it goes some way to making up for his attempts to stop the Gutenberg printing press back in 1440.

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Elon Musk chooses worst possible moment to come out as a Flat-Earther

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Entrepreneur and apparently needy, attention-seeking billionaire Elon Musk took to Twitter to announce his belief the Earth was flat last night, literally twenty minutes after launching a spaceship off it.

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Epidemiologists to tell plumbers and taxi drivers how to do their jobs for a change

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Virologists and Epidemiologists have begun telling builders, crystal therapists and newspaper columnists that they’re idiots who haven’t a clue how to do their jobs, according to reports today.

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City of Durham told to self-isolate for 14-days as ‘test and trace’ system launched in UK

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The whole city of Durham is being contacted this morning and told to self isolate for 14-days under new test and trace measures aimed at finding members of the public who have been in contact with someone who has coronavirus.

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Twitter replaces Donald Trump’s blue tick with skull and crossbones in yellow triangle

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Donald Trump’s Twitter account has been verified by the platform as being chock full of hazardous material.

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Man who loves free speech really unhappy when people use it to disagree with him

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A man who makes a really big deal about how important he thinks free speech is, continues to have a massive hissy fit if anyone uses theirs to call out his bullshit, it has emerged.

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Government accused of shifting goalposts as it now says NHS tracing app will be ready ‘before our sun collapses into a white dwarf’

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Boris Johnson’s bombastic claim of a ‘world-beating’ bespoke COVID 19 tracing app for the NHS being ready on June 1st, suffered a setback as the government quietly revised the launch date to some point before the end of the Solar system.

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University of Life announces all courses to be online Facebook memes and weird YouTube channels from September

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Students at the University of Life will be able to get all the education they need from Facebook memes and obscure YouTube channels from September, it has announced.

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Report: We could lift the lockdown today if everyone agrees to drive bumper cars all the time

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The difficulty in finding a compromise between protecting people from the transmission of the Coronavirus and getting people back to work may have been solved today after a report suggested everyone drives bumper cars all the time.

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Why does no one want to download my COVID data gathering app, asks Dominic Cummings

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A man well-known for intrusive digital surveillance via surreptitious methods has been left baffled by the lack of public uptake in his new app, according to sources this morning.

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