Technology

Elon Musk’s hyperloop to revolutionise public transport for nonces

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Elon Musk’s revolutionary hyperloop transport system could enable nonces to travel great distances to find their prey, according to experts.

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Mark Zuckerberg hospitalised after dangerously prolonged laughing fit following ICO fine

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One of Silicon Valley’s most illustrious entrepreneurs suffered a collapsed lung and two fractured ribs after the announcement of the Information Commissioner’s Office fine of £500K led the billionaire to collapse on the floor in a fit of prolonged hysterical laughter.

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Germany celebrates as VAR appeal sees them retrospectively awarded 1966 World Cup

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German fans are celebrating today after a VAR appeal led to Geoff Hurst’s second goal in the 1966 World Cup being disallowed.

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FIFA unveils VARVAR system to review controversial VAR decisions

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Following a spate of controversial Video Assistant Referee decisions at the World Cup, FIFA has unveiled VARVAR – a Video Assistant Referee Video Assistant Referee system, whereby a referee in a remote location watches a video feed of the VAR room and is able to review and overrule any game-changing VAR decisions.

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£5000 sex robot runs off with Henry Hoover

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A sophisticated fuck-puppet has done one with a vacuum cleaner.

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Man following extremely beautiful women on Instagram purely for the inspirational quotes

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Simon Williams, 31, of North London who follows multiple extremely attractive Instagram models on Instagram, today revealed he only did so because of their inspirational quotes.

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Donald Trump appoints plucky newcomer Anakin Skywalker as head of Space Force

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Donald Trump has made his wisest appointment yet.

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Woman who wrote ‘hahahahahaha’ on WhatsApp didn’t even laugh once

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A woman on a train has been seen writing ‘hahahahahaha’ on a WhatsApp conversation, but according to witnesses, didn’t actually didn’t even laugh once.

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Donald Trump announces new ‘Space Force’ will operate from giant spherical space station

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President Trump has revealed that the ‘space force’ which he has instructed the Department of Defense to create will operate from a massive spherical space station, capable of destroying an entire planet.

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Parents ‘helpless’ to stop kids addicted to Fortnite seemingly unaware of how electricity works

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Thousands of parents across the UK have admitted that they are ‘losing their children’ to the newest craze, video game ‘Fortnite’, seemingly unaware how to switch off a games console.

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