Technology

Danish scientists isolate Hygges Boson

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In breaking news announced today, scientists working at Copenhagen University have identified the fundamental particle of nice, pleasant cosiness.

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Everyone knows your mother’s maiden name and the name of your first pet

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With the news that over 500 million Marriot customers have had their accounts hacked, it has been confirmed that literally everyone on the planet now knows the name of your first pet and your mother’s maiden name.

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God against gay marriage but fine with casual sex in train station toilets, insists Grindr president

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Scott Chen, the president of the company that owns the popular gay hook-up app Grindr, caused controversy by claiming God was dead set against same-sex people formalising their love into a union, but absolutely fine with making money from people organizing chemsex fisting parties with dozens of participants.

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Watching TV will give you square eyes, warns Mum whose job involves staring at a screen all day

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A caring mother has been repeatedly warning her son of the danger of watching too much TV, totally ignoring to the fact that she has a job that involves staring intently at a screen for eight hours every day.

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Mars lander fails to locate David Bowie

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Music fans claim the $830m cost of the mission was a ‘complete waste’ after it was revealed that not only has the inSight lander not found David Bowie, there are no real plans to even look.

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NASA receives signal from Mars saying Brexit deal is shit

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NASA’s InSight probe has sent back a mysterious signal from the Red Planet stating that Theresa May’s Brexit deal is a pile of wank.

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German experiment on NASA’s InSight robot lays beach towel on surface of Mars

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An experiment created by Germany and placed onboard NASA’s InSight robot has put down a beach towel after the probe landed successfully on Mars.

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Hillary Clinton offers advice to ‘Crooked Ivanka’ on deleting emails

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Presidential runner-up Hillary Clinton has reached out to the Trump family in their time of need and offered to guide them through the process of getting rid of potentially incriminating emails.

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PayPal boycott by Tommy Robinson fans sees payment firm lose tens of pounds

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Tommy Robinson’s fanbase has declared that they will stop using PayPal at their glorious leader’s request.

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Twitter under fire as civil conversation about Brexit allowed to go on for 37 minutes

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The popular social media website Twitter was accused of being asleep at the wheel after it emerged several people had sustained an enlightening and considerate discussion about Brexit without once resorting to personal insults.

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