Technology

Naming my social media platform after the official newspaper of the Soviet Communist Party is ‘a total coincidence’ insists Donald Trump

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Donald Trump has announced a new social media platform named after the Soviet publication synonymous with propaganda, and none of this is remotely surprising.

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William Shatner steals Blue Origin rocket to search for reborn Leonard Nimoy

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An arrest warrant has been issued for Star Trek actor William Shatner, who is reported to have stolen the Blue Origin rocket he launched in today.

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Blue Origin crew concerned by new uniforms ahead of Shatner space flight

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New uniforms issued to the crew of Amazon’s Blue Origin rocket have led to concerns being expressed about what Jeff Bezos thinks might be going to happen.

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Boris to announce new moon-sized space defence system to counter terrorist rebel planets

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Prime Minister Boris Johnson will today announce plans for the construction of a new moon-sized space station defence system that will have the ability to destroy entire terrorist rebel planets.

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Antivaxer ‘almost caught up’ on all of the important epidemiology research he missed yesterday

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Following yesterday’s Facebook outage, antivaxer Simon Williams admitted that he has almost caught up on all the important research he missed out on during the downtime.

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William Shatner confirms trip to space, intends to sleep with green women whilst he’s there

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William Shatner has confirmed he will travel into space aboard Jeff Bezos’ Blue Origin rocket, and says he expects to bone two or three green dancing girls whilst he’s up there.

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Facebook outage forces entire nation to descend into state of mass productivity

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After social networking site Facebook went off-line yesterday afternoon, the nation’s workers descended into what experts are calling a ‘terrifying frenzy of productivity’.

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Amazon’s new ‘Astro’ household robot caught fiddling his own tax returns

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Amazon’s newly released Astro household robot has been caught trying to avoid paying tax on his earnings in his first week of employment it is revealed today. Astro, which has been unveiled by Amazon this week to provide assistance to its owners using Amazon Alexa’s virtual assistant technology was spotted fiddling his tax returns earlier […]

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Government unveils ‘guaranteed to work’ petrol track & trace app to beat fuel crisis

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A government smartphone app to monitor petrol availability and allocate refuelling appointments has been unveiled this morning, as queues to petrol stations continue to grow.

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Electric car owner explodes with smugness

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An electric car owner has become so smug today that he has actually exploded with pent-up smugness, it has been revealed.

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