Technology

Elon Musk’s Twitter reign already paying huge dividends with glorious return of Tommy Robinson

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Elon Musk’s commitment to free speech is already paying dividends after convicted fraudster, stalker, and assaulter of police officers Tommy Robinson was welcomed back onto the platform. Robinson, who has been removed from numerous social media platforms over the years for his repeated belief that the rules and laws of the land don’t apply to […]

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“I will never accept a microchip tag” insists man glued to his GPS-enabled 4G-capable camera and microphone

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A man has revealed today that he will never allow himself to be tracked using a microchip, after reading about the possibility on his GPS-enabled 4G-capable device equipped with a high-definition camera and microphone. Simon Williams, who has only actually left his house twice in the last month but seems convinced that the government is […]

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Billionaires buying social networks always works out brilliantly, insists former MySpace owner Rupert Murdoch

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Rupert Murdoch has praised Elon Musk’s purchase of Twitter, insisting billionaires buying social networks always leads to positive outcomes.

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Madman to buy toilet wall for $44bn

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Some lunatic is spaffing an obscene amount of money in order to own Twitter.

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UK’s first self- driving bus passes ‘ignore passengers running to bus stop’ test

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The UK’s first self- driving bus has passed the ‘ignore desperate passengers running to the bus stop’ test with flying colours it is revealed today after successfully driving off without them. 

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Doctor Evil to buy MySpace

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Volcano-dwelling business magnate and global supervillain Doctor Evil has announced he intends to purchase MySpace for slightly more than one million American dollars. Evil, who first came to the worlds attention by stealing spaceships direct from orbit with a launcher of his own design, is understood to already have significant interests in finance, doomsday weapons […]

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5G conspiracists reaching evidence-free conclusions up to 20 times faster than 4G conspiracists

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Normal people are concerned that 5G conspiracy theorists are reaching fanciful inaccurate conclusions at speeds up to 20 times faster than 4G conspiracy theorists ever could, even at their most efficient.

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Man who spent all his money on NFTs fails to pay his gas bill with JPEG of an ape

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A man who spent all of his life savings on NFTs, convinced they would make him rich, has today struggled to get his energy supplier to accept a jpeg of an ape as payment for his gas bill.

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‘Next time we meet, I’m gonna break your arms’ Zangief tells Putin

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Street Fighter Zangief, who has spent his career striving to prove Russia’s superiority over the fighters of other nations, is now dying to piledrive that wanker Putin.

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Nation’s gullible simpletons preparing to identify themselves with posts about 5G ‘activations’ on 22/2/22

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The nation’s gullible morons are today busy identifying themselves to people in their social feeds by posting nonsense about 5G technology, energy, and the date being the 22nd day of February 2022.

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