Technology

New tactical tactical voting website website launched to help tactically choose a tactical voting website

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A new tactical, tactical voting website, website has been launched in an attempt to help voters choose tactically which tactical voting website to use.

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Labour cyber-attack finds mostly jam recipes

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Russian hackers have been left ‘bewildered’ after their cyber attack on the UK Labour party revealed nothing more than several hundred different ways to turn different fruits into preserves.

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Facebook to add ‘mute this person until after the general election’ button

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Facebook is to add a button that will you allow you to mute people until the US elections are over, they have announced.

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Facebook becomes FACEBOOK to more closely align with its shoutiest online communities

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Facebook has rebranded as FACEBOOK to ensure those communities that insist on posting in all-caps feel much more at home on the platform.

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Mark Zuckerberg insists Facebook is 100% against Fake News, unless it comes from the most powerful people on the planet

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Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg gave a speech yesterday in which he reiterated his company’s mission to fight fake news in all its forms, unless it is published by the people who run every country in the world.

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Office worker with novelty ringtone universally despised

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A man who appears to think it’s 2003 has chosen to use a novelty ring tone for the mobile he uses in the office, seemingly unaware that it makes him as popular as a dose of the clap.

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Geordie accent to be banned under proposed data encryption laws

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The Geordie accent will be banned under new encryption laws being proposed by the home secretary, we can report today.

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Priti Patel denies freedom of movement to man wearing mind-reading exoskeleton

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A smirking Priti Patel has insisted that a Frenchman who can walk for the first time in two years using a thought-controlled exoskeleton, won’t get further than Dover.

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Boris Johnson sends photo of his penis to every Conservative Party member within minutes of getting Snapchat

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Johnson’s Johnson is already doing the rounds on Snapchat, according to reports.

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Government proposes Schrodingers Irish Border, which exists when you want sovereignty and doesn’t exist when you want frictionless trade

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The Irish border will exist in multiple uncertain states in which it both exists and doesn’t exist at the same time depending on what you want right this second, according to proposals unveiled today.

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