NASA has announced it will no longer be ‘going to the moon’ in 2026 as the film set is already in use.
After NASA announced that Artemis III was being postponed to 2026, an unusually candid NASA scientist, Chuck Williams, revealed that they had planned to reuse the set from the Apollo moon landings only to find it’d been booked out by a production company specialising in niche ‘adult entertainment’.
“It’s our own fault, clearly. We should have booked it first, but to be beaten to the punch by film called ‘Intergalactic Hole Stretchers’ really adds insult to injury.
“Obviously we considered rebuilding the set somewhere else, but costs were already spiralling.
“We already need to doctor the footage of hundreds of cameras that would be in attendance recording the pretend launch – hire thousands of crisis actors who can speak articulately and accurately about rockets breaking through thermospheric and exospheric atmospheres along with a host of other topics relating to propulsion, just so the science appears believable.
“We also need to spend thousands on customer service centres to deal with the conspiracy theorists ringing up claiming we didn’t go to the moon.
“They all talk so slowly…
“That’s on top of carrying out research on Earth that can literally only be carried out in space – do you have any idea how expensive it is to do research on deep space magnetic fields in a warehouse in Idaho? It’s extremely difficult to come across deep space magnetic fields in Idaho, trust me.”
Williams concluded, “It’d almost be cheaper to actually go to the moon… I mean, we did try once, but the shuttle malfunctioned and went off the edge of the planet.”
William’s face clouded in self-doubt before continuing, “Oh, I’ve said too much.”