Vindictive primary school teacher extends school nativity runtime to over three hours

Horrified parents have been subjected to a three hour nativity play thanks to the sadistic and vindictive nature of the children’s primary school teacher.

Parents from Saint Ignatious Primary School in Burnage were subjected to prolonged periods of choreographed dance, relentless audience participation and seemingly never-ending parade of Christmas songs all whilst perched on comically undersized plastic infant chairs.

Emerging shellshocked into the darkness after the performance, parent Simon Williams gasped, ‘

“The tickets only said ‘Performance starting from 12:00’.

“We didn’t know… we didn’t… know.

Williams added “There isn’t a 4th encore right? … It’s over?”

Key Stage 1 teacher Saffie Micheals said, “I wasn’t sure if I could squeeze four songs per class into the show – then it hit me. Medleys.

“If the deep vein thrombosis didn’t get them, the jarring segues from Little Star of Bethlehem to Silent Night to Merry Xmas everyone definitely would.”

Michaels added, “For the last 5 months I’ve wiped approximately 13,000 runny noses, discovered that at least 40% of my class of 6-year-olds are less toilet trained than a new-born puppy and I’ve taught 30 children capable of screaming at pitches previously undetectable to most audio equipment on earth.

“The audience has reaped what they sowed.”

There were several reports of parents who suffered extreme lacerations as they managed to fling themselves through the window as class 5 broke into a remixed rapping segment during Jingle Bells.

A visibly shaken Williams confirmed, “They were the lucky ones.”