Games Workshop £2,500 staff bonus turns out to be one pot of paint and half a Primaris Marine

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Staff at retailer Games Workshop have received a promised £2,500 bonus in stock – meaning an average of one pot of Nuln Oil and ‘most of’ a Primaris Marine.

Games Workshop saw half year profits surge 12% as people who were hooked during lockdown continue to invest in the traditional interests of people who never leave the house.

“It’s really welcome news,” said branch manager Simon Guilliames.

“I’d been hoping to buy a new figure this year, and had an appointment at a black-market clinic lined up to sell my other kidney, so this really couldn’t have come at a better time.

“With revenues from my store alone now exceeding the national debt of a small country – and probably funded by it, frankly – Games Workshop have paid their staff back in the best way possible, like a drug lord paying his dealers in crack.

“If profits stay this high much longer, the bonuses we get might be enough to complete my marine without my having to sleep under a bridge this winter.”