“I’d still pick Boris over Starmer for prime minister” insists Tory voter helplessly watching Johnson have sex with his girlfriend

author avatar by 4 months ago

Despite Partygate and a string of other high-profile scandals, including lying to Parliament, a new poll has discovered that Boris Johnson is still seen as the better choice for prime minister over opposition leader Keir Starmer by some hardcore simpletons.

We approached local Tory voter Simon Williams who seemed to confirm the findings of the poll.

Williams told us, “Well, actually, Mr Johnson invited himself in earlier today and is currently having sex with my partner of three years upstairs as we speak.

“It’s certainly not ideal, but I can only imagine how much worse the country would look if Keir bloody Starmer had come into my house and seduced my Nikki.

“He’s too clinical in PMQ’s, very focused but no passion, whereas with Boris, you can really hear the difference, all that bluster and emotion… She’s having a great time!”

Asked if he was, in any way, put out by the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom having sex with his first-ever long-term girlfriend, Williams replied, “I mean, he was very considerate about it, during foreplay, he kindly suggested I might want to get out of the house, take a drive, but with the price of petrol as it is…

“Between strokes, I did ask the former Prime Minister if there was anything he would if he got back into power to help us low-income earners, like a fuel cap or something, but he said it was solely dictated by market forces.

“Then he started laughing.”

At press time, it is understood the Prime Minister was seen rifling through Williams’ wallet, excitedly mumbling something in Latin as he pocketed a £20 note.

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