Environment

Massive earthquakes reported as California tries to remove itself from rest of the United States

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The state of California was causing massive earthquakes as it tried to join another tectonic plate over the weekend.

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Brexit Party warns that shark off Cornwall coast actually a disguised submarine full of migrants

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Brexit Party officials have taken time out from their busy schedule of staring at the back wall to warn British citizens that a large shark off the coast of Cornwall is likely just a group of migrants looking to take advantage of our soft-touch benefits system.

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Summer officially begins as The Sun runs its annual ‘Shark spotted off coast of Cornwall’ story

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GREAT NEWS! It’s time to break out the beach towels and tanning lotion as The Sun has OFFICIALLY LAUNCHED SUMMER by running its annual “A Great White Shark Has Been Spotted Off The Coast Of Cornwall” story.

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Glastonbury site left spotless by festivalgoers after David Attenborough speech

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A field normally given over to grazing dairy cattle was returned to its former, pristine condition last night.

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Only flies, cockroaches and Theresa May could survive nuclear blast confirm scientists

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After a six month study, scientists have confirmed that Theresa May joins cockroaches and flies in being the only creatures who could survive a nuclear blast.

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“Oh crap, maybe Thanos WAS the good guy” says Avengers spokesman

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Avenger Dr Bruce Banner apologised today for a lack of forethought and causing an environmental disaster that will almost certainly wipe out the human race.

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Government declares climate emergency compelling it to ignore global warming with greater urgency

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The government has declared a climate emergency which will compel it to urgently ignore issues surrounding global warming.

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Shrimp partying like f**k

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Shrimp in Britain’s rivers are ripped off their tits pretty much 24/7, we can reveal.

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Fracking Tsar resigns after failing to strike balance between collapsing houses and cheap energy

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Fracking tsar, Natascha Engel, has quit after being “throttled” by rules which prevent fracking-induced earthquakes strong enough to form new continents.

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Anti-vax bellends somehow worried about creating children as amazing as Greta Thunberg

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Anti-vax arseholes responsible for the coming measles pandemic are of the opinion that large scale infant mortality problems are better than creating a generation of highly-intelligent autistic children capable of understanding basic science.

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