Environment

New study shows that the dinosaurs were wiped out by starvation, due to Dexit

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Scientists studying the site of a meteorite strike on Earth 66 million years ago, which destroyed the dinosaurs, have revealed that they have found a number of prehistoric, dino-polling stations in the rock.

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Migrating birds to be denied entry back into the UK in the spring following Brexit

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The quaint old British saying of ‘one swallow doesn’t make a summer’ might be a right load of old bollocks within a matter of months after the government announced today that new immigration laws would extend to wildlife.

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Donald Trump claims global warming is a hoax after spotting frost on White House lawn

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US President Donald Trump has insisted global warming is a hoax after a looking out of his bedroom window to see frost on the White House lawn.

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Body of Aquaman washed up on Irish beach with stomach full of plastic

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Children, nerdy adults and weirdos are in a state of mourning today, following confirmation that a body washed up on a beach in Ireland yesterday was that of DC Superhero, Aquaman.

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Britain responds to David Attenborough’s heartfelt climate change plea by attaching sixty trillion Christmas lights to its rooftops

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Sir David Attenborough is said to be ‘face-palming incessantly’ this morning after Britain reacted to his stirring words at the UN climate change summit by illuminating the nation with enough tacky Christmas lighting to shame the rapture, it has emerged.

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Ladybirds forced to rebrand after ‘sexism’ complaints

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Ladybirds have been forced to rebrand themselves following a series of complaints that their name is ‘sexist’.

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New case of Mad Cow disease detected after Scottish heifer insists no-deal Brexit is a ‘fantastic idea’

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A new case of mad cow disease has been confirmed after the animal in question mooed in favour of a no-deal Brexit.

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Men warn of huge risks to planet if lounge temperature rise exceeds 1.5 C

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Men who are “careful with their money” have warned of the huge risks to humanity if the temperature of the living room rises by the forecast 1.5C.

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Bloody swans demanding gluten-free bread now

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The pushy middle-class parents of the waterfowl world have announced that they’re gluten intolerant and you need to respect that.

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Summer officially over as the first Tory backstabbing of Autumn is sighted near Westminster

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Observers of seasonal change have blamed climate change for an early fall, as many people reported squirrels hoarding nuts, leaves turning brown and members of the Conservative party ruthlessly putting their own ambitions over party loyalty, the good of the country or even basic decency.

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