Environment

Swan incapable of breaking a man’s arm ostracised from swan community

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A swan who is unable to break a man’s arm has found himself ostracised from the swan community.

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Google Maps to start showing ‘scenic’ routes which are just a bit less shit

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Google Maps is to start directing drivers to routes which it calculates are just a little bit more ‘scenic’ based on a list of factors it is revealed today.

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Suez canal closed again after discarded Jacob’s cracker dries up the entire thing

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The Suez canal is closed again.

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Greta Thunberg statue to power two million homes by harnessing the rage of hypocritical Daily Mail readers

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The University of Winchester has announced a pioneering leap in renewable energy by being able to generate electricity from the rage and bluster of right-wing dotards beautifully cornered by their own cretinous stance on the sanctity of statues.

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New Government guidelines on unsafe cladding include ‘Don’t set fire to anything’ and ‘Pray’

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Housing Secretary Robert Jenrick yesterday announced a raft of measures to tackle the problem of unsafe cladding on England’s high-rises.

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Arthur Scargill joins Tories as new coal mine opens

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Hero of the working classes, Arthur Scargill, has joined the Conservative Party after they allowed the opening of a new coal mine in Cumbria.

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Murdering the leaf-blower man now permissible by law

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A new law has been rushed through parliament that will see the murdering of the leaf-blower man permissible if he won’t just shut the f**k up.

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China aims to be zero-carbon by 2060 and zero-Uyghur by 2030

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Chinese President Xi Jinping has made the shock announcement that by 2060 China will no longer contribute to the world’s carbon emissions – and that by 2030 it will no longer contribute to the world’s Uyghur population.

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Environmental disaster! Chelmsford rainforests now completely eradicated

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In a new catastrophe for the environment, the famous rainforests of Chelmsford, known as ‘Essex’s Lungs’ have been completely eradicated, say scientists.

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The only respectable way to muzzle the press is to have journalists beaten up, insists Boris Johnson

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The Prime Minister has condemned activist group Extinction Rebellion for trying to stop the work of British journalists with peaceful sit-ins instead of the traditional methods of grabbing mobile phones, hiding in fridges and assaulting reporters in their homes.

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