Environment

Man decides it is easier to be a climate change denier than waste his life washing out food containers

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A man has decided it’s easier to become a climate change denier than spend 90% of his free time scrubbing out the remnants of an M&S Broccoli Cheese or Waitrose Cannelloni in order to recycle them.

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Prince Charles announces plan to replace Beefeaters with Quorneaters

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Prince Charles has announced plans to extend his vegan tendencies to the Tower of London once he ascends to the throne.

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Boiler decides to give it another two weeks before breaking down

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A boiler is lulling its owner into a false sense of security by working perfectly during the current cold snap.

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COP26 progress already completely reversed by next door’s Christmas lights

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The small amount of progress the COP26 conference made towards minimising climate change has now been totally negated by your neighbour’s festive lights.

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Sir David Attenborough finally ready to retire after seeing every living species have a shag

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After a lifetime of observing the mating rituals of various birds and animals across the planet, Sir David Attenborough is now ready to hang up the binoculars.

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Zero emissions deadline set for when everyone accountable will be comfortably dead

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An agreement is currently being drafted at the COP26 summit, which will be read thoroughly before being comprehensively ignored.

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COP26 delegates reach historic agreement to turn that bloody light off if you’re not in there

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The delegates at COP26 have announced that they have reached an agreement to all turn that bloody light off if you’re not in there anymore.

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Nation relieved that urgent climate emergency being addressed by worst possible person at worst possible time

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As Boris Johnson’s involvement in COP26 comes to an end, a grateful nation is relaxed knowing that the urgent climate emergency is being addressed by the worst possible person at the worst possible time.

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Lord Summerisle to reduce CO2 emissions by reducing wicker man sacrifices

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The leader of a remote Hebridean island has promised that his community will reduce their carbon footprint by no longer using a wicker man to burn sacrificial subjects.

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Britain cuts down on hot air emissions by 78% after Boris stops talking

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Boris Johnson stopped flapping his gums for a few seconds and immediately made a huge impact in the fight against climate change.

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