Environment

Murdering the leaf-blower man now permissible by law

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A new law has been rushed through parliament that will see the murdering of the leaf-blower man permissible if he won’t just shut the f**k up.

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China aims to be zero-carbon by 2060 and zero-Uyghur by 2030

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Chinese President Xi Jinping has made the shock announcement that by 2060 China will no longer contribute to the world’s carbon emissions – and that by 2030 it will no longer contribute to the world’s Uyghur population.

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Environmental disaster! Chelmsford rainforests now completely eradicated

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In a new catastrophe for the environment, the famous rainforests of Chelmsford, known as ‘Essex’s Lungs’ have been completely eradicated, say scientists.

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The only respectable way to muzzle the press is to have journalists beaten up, insists Boris Johnson

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The Prime Minister has condemned activist group Extinction Rebellion for trying to stop the work of British journalists with peaceful sit-ins instead of the traditional methods of grabbing mobile phones, hiding in fridges and assaulting reporters in their homes.

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Butterfly turns into a moth after listening to the Sisters of Mercy

A local butterfly has ‘gone moth’ and changed its name to Lucius Doomskull after listening to Floodland once too often, it has emerged.

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Discarded Guitar Hero controllers now account for 37% of all plastic pollution

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Plastic video game controllers in the shape of guitars account for nearly 40% of the world’s plastic pollution, according to reports today.

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Furloughed worker with every window open in his house delighted at government’s £2bn insulation fund

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After the government chose the middle of summer to announce plans to spend £2bn insulating the nation’s homes, a furloughed worker with every window in his house fully open has asked if there might be more pressing matters to spend that money on at the moment.

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Wasps target 60% increase in bastardy during summer

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The International Federation of Wasps have announced an ambitious target of a 60% increase in bastardy over the course of summer.

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Most popular Springwatch moments to be released on new Blu-ray – ‘Springwatch: Just Shagging’

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The BBC has announced that a new Springwatch compilation Blu-ray – ‘Springwatch: Just Shagging’ – will be available in the coming weeks.

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Missing Springwatch? Recreate your favourite moments at home with our handy unsolicited guide that literally no one is asking for

Thumbnail image for Missing Springwatch? Recreate your favourite moments at home with our handy unsolicited guide that literally no one is asking for

TV viewer of a certain age? Missing Springwatch’s trademark marsh-based amateurism? While the latest series has been put out of its misery faster than an errant fox puppy gambolling into Camilla Parker Bowles’ stable, here’s your handy family guide to recreating the magic at home.

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