UK Spoof News and Satire

Environment

New Government guidelines on unsafe cladding include ‘Don’t set fire to anything’ and ‘Pray’

Housing Secretary Robert Jenrick yesterday announced a raft of measures to tackle the problem of unsafe cladding on England’s high-rises.

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Arthur Scargill joins Tories as new coal mine opens

Hero of the working classes, Arthur Scargill, has joined the Conservative Party after they allowed the opening of a new coal mine in Cumbria.

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Murdering the leaf-blower man now permissible by law

A new law has been rushed through parliament that will see the murdering of the leaf-blower man permissible if he won’t just shut the f**k up.

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China aims to be zero-carbon by 2060 and zero-Uyghur by 2030

Chinese President Xi Jinping has made the shock announcement that by 2060 China will no longer contribute to the world’s carbon emissions – and that by 2030 it will no longer contribute to the world’s Uyghur population.

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Environmental disaster! Chelmsford rainforests now completely eradicated

In a new catastrophe for the environment, the famous rainforests of Chelmsford, known as ‘Essex’s Lungs’ have been completely eradicated, say scientists.

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The only respectable way to muzzle the press is to have journalists beaten up, insists Boris Johnson

The Prime Minister has condemned activist group Extinction Rebellion for trying to stop the work of British journalists with peaceful sit-ins instead of the traditional methods of grabbing mobile phones, hiding in fridges and assaulting reporters in their homes.

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Butterfly turns into a moth after listening to the Sisters of Mercy

A local butterfly has ‘gone moth’ and changed its name to Lucius Doomskull after listening to Floodland once too often, it has emerged.

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Discarded Guitar Hero controllers now account for 37% of all plastic pollution

Plastic video game controllers in the shape of guitars account for nearly 40% of the world’s plastic pollution, according to reports today.

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Furloughed worker with every window open in his house delighted at government’s £2bn insulation fund

After the government chose the middle of summer to announce plans to spend £2bn insulating the nation’s homes, a furloughed worker with every window in his house fully open has asked if there might be more pressing matters to spend that money on at the moment.

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