Environment

Prince Charles announces plan to replace Beefeaters with Quorneaters

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Prince Charles has announced plans to extend his vegan tendencies to the Tower of London once he ascends to the throne.

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Boiler decides to give it another two weeks before breaking down

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A boiler is lulling its owner into a false sense of security by working perfectly during the current cold snap.

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COP26 progress already completely reversed by next door’s Christmas lights

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The small amount of progress the COP26 conference made towards minimising climate change has now been totally negated by your neighbour’s festive lights.

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Sir David Attenborough finally ready to retire after seeing every living species have a shag

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After a lifetime of observing the mating rituals of various birds and animals across the planet, Sir David Attenborough is now ready to hang up the binoculars.

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Zero emissions deadline set for when everyone accountable will be comfortably dead

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An agreement is currently being drafted at the COP26 summit, which will be read thoroughly before being comprehensively ignored.

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COP26 delegates reach historic agreement to turn that bloody light off if you’re not in there

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The delegates at COP26 have announced that they have reached an agreement to all turn that bloody light off if you’re not in there anymore.

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Nation relieved that urgent climate emergency being addressed by worst possible person at worst possible time

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As Boris Johnson’s involvement in COP26 comes to an end, a grateful nation is relaxed knowing that the urgent climate emergency is being addressed by the worst possible person at the worst possible time.

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Lord Summerisle to reduce CO2 emissions by reducing wicker man sacrifices

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The leader of a remote Hebridean island has promised that his community will reduce their carbon footprint by no longer using a wicker man to burn sacrificial subjects.

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Britain cuts down on hot air emissions by 78% after Boris stops talking

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Boris Johnson stopped flapping his gums for a few seconds and immediately made a huge impact in the fight against climate change.

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Boris Johnson reveals he is ‘almost at the end of the line’ with his climate change analogies

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Boris Johnson has revealed he is almost at the end of the line now, and close to checkmate, with his vast array of climate change analogies used so far during the COP26 climate change summit.

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