Man screaming “Go Woke Go Broke!” at Nike seemingly unaware he is a penniless bigot

author avatar by 4 weeks ago

After Nike released a new England kit featuring a St George’s cross in a colour other than red, Simon Williams was quick to take to social media screaming “Go Woke go broke!” without noticing that he hasn’t been rewarded financially for his life as a serial bigot.

Sources claim that Williams, variously a bit racist and misogynistic with frequent outbursts of homophobia, is often broke despite being a thousand miles from being considered ‘woke’.

“How DARE they change a small detail on the back of the neck of the shirt? This woke madness must end! Nike will pay the price, you watch! The woke are ALWAYS destine to live in poverty.”

When pressed on whether his extremely off-putting online persona spilled over to real life when in job interviews, Williams replied, “’Correlation doesn’t mean causality’ – that’s another one I like to roll out when someone claims climate change is linked to the approximately 1.4 billion combustion engine cars on earth.

“I usually mute the comments after I say it though, as I don’t really understand most of the replies.”

Expanding on what he thought passed the threshold of ‘woke’ in media, Williams replied: “Women. Mostly.

“They’re everywhere now… Playing football. Talking about football, being cc’d in emails, driving cars, it’s terrifying. One was even Dr Who, then they got rid of her – thank the heavens – but there’s something about this new guy playing Dr Who I don’t like either, I can’t quite put my finger on it.”

At press time, Williams was reporting a crisis of identity, telling friends, “I’m still broke, therefore I am clearly still too woke.

“From now on, I will be nailing my colours to the mast – anyone opposing refugee Rwanda flights is a woke lefty who should be hung, anyone suggesting any degree of accountability for people like Lee Anderson or Elon Musk is a woke lefty who should be hung.”

Williams added, “Look, any chance I could borrow a tenner?”