A new study examining how the British public consume news and media has scientifically confirmed that approximately 95% of all Britons will believe literally any statistic they read on the Internet.
Harry Potter author and woman who “has many trans friends”, JK Rowling, has confirmed that, despite there being zero mention of it in seven books, the HBO Max character of Dumbledore will be a massive Trans-Exclusionary Radical Feminist (or TERF).
Harry Potter author and woman who “has many trans friends”, JK Rowling, has confirmed that, despite there being zero mention of it in seven books, the HBO Max character of Dumbledore will be a massive Trans-Exclusionary Radical Feminist (or TERF).
Outgoing US President and man who has definitely spilled chocolate milk on the Resolute Desk at some point, Donald Trump, is facing a major setback in his battle to challenge the election results this week, after it was reported that his entire legal team is considering retraining in cyber.
The British public has once again been left confused by the government after Boris announced today that the rules of the current national lockdown don’t apply if you’re really, really horny.
A local woman has confirmed she’s “just about had it with this fucking year” today, after she revealed she doesn’t even have the energy to try and learn a new language during the ongoing second national lockdown.
US SenatorKamala Harris has spoken about her excitement at being selected as Joe Biden’s running mate in the US Presidential election this year and has confirmed she can’t wait to accidentally be called Michelle from time to time.
Boris Johnson has been hailed a “hero on par with the great Marcus Rashford” today after he confirmed to the nation that child poverty was at the lowest level it has ever been.
A local conspiracy theorist is reportedly “still very confident” in his belief in the infamous PizzaGate conspiracy theory, and has confirmed that he has “no idea what you’re talking about” when asked about the giant Donald Trump-shaped hole on his vision board.
Jeffrey Epstein friend and current US President Donald Trump has spoken out about his opposition to the “evils” of paedophilia and sex trafficking, confirming this morning that he hates every single paedophile he hasn’t personally been friends with since the 90s.
Harry Potter author and woman who “has many trans friends”, JK Rowling, has confirmed in an interview today that, despite there being zero mention of it in seven books, the character of Dumbledore was actually a massive Trans-Exclusionary Radical Feminist (or TERF) the whole time.
Americans are reportedly feeling much better about their lives and the general state of the world today, after US President Donald Trump reassured the public on Twitter that, despite the raging pandemic which has killed 140,000 Americans and counting, there had been no disruption to his daily supply of beans.
Brazilian President and man who thought Star Wars was about Palpatine, Jair Bolsonaro, has confirmed that despite his positive diagnosis for coronavirus yesterday, the mask he is currently wearing is only because his “breath is so masculine, women immediately become pregnant”.
British Prime Minister and Cummings Henchman #4, Boris Johnson, is reportedly feeling quietly confident that his recent comments on care homes have done enough to sway the public into blaming old people for their own deaths.
A team of doctors and medical professionals working with the FBI have confirmed to the public today that recently arrested socialite and close personal friend of Prince Andrew, Ghislaine Maxwell, has tested positive for a brand new strain of virus, which reportedly causes “acute strangulation” in just two months.
Online fashion retailer and company that named itself after how feeling everyone has after watching one of their ads, BooHoo, have been widely praised for their effort to support the ongoing Black Lives Matter movement after it was confirmed that they had introduced modern slavery to their supply chain across the UK.
A local Liverpool FC fan and self-proclaimed “reader of the game”, Barry Harnwell, has confirmed to the world today that he actually knew Liverpool would win the league even before the season started, a prediction he’s been making for the last 30 years.
A local woman who actively avoids any homeless people she sees them has decided to wade in on the on-going “Black Lives Matter” movement this morning, after boldly claiming that in her opinion, “All lives matter!”.
UK Prime Minister and hapless comic-relief sidekick Boris Johnson is reportedly feeling ‘quietly confident’ about his job performance this year, and is sure he’s done enough over the last 6 months to earn a substantial Christmas bonus from his boss Dominic Cummings.
A new study examining how the British public consume news and media has scientifically confirmed that approximately 95% of all Britons will believe literally any statistic they read on the Internet.
Boris Johnson has been hailed a “hero on par with the great Marcus Rashford” today after he confirmed to the nation that child poverty was at the lowest level it has ever been.
Liverpool fans across Britain have been left once again bitterly disappointed by a Tory Government this week, after the government forced them to agree with and vocally support a Manchester United player.
Police departments across the United States have come under heavy criticism tonight after several law enforcement agencies were accused of culturally appropriating the Hong Kong Police in their brutal handling of the on-going George Floyd protests.
Thousands of Hong Kong protestors have come together to formulate a new plan to invite UK APM (Actual Prime Minister), Dominic Cummings, to a tour of the city, in an effort to attract international attention to its plight.
Conservative Political Strategist and Father-Of-The-Year 2020 Nominee, Dominic Cummings, has emphatically defended his controversial travel during the lockdown, saying he can’t believe the entire country is surprised that he ignored all of the expert advice and decided to leave anyway.
US President and owner of several top-quality bottles of Snake Oil, Donald Trump, is being hailed a ‘hero’ for his actions this week, after Democrats and Republicans across the political spectrum came together in agreement that Trump should be allowed to ingest whatever dangerous chemicals he wants.
Former US Vice-President and current front-runner of the 2020 “Lesser Of Two Evils” award, Joe Biden, stunned supporters during a rally speech last night by vowing to bring “this Joe Biden fellow” to justice, after claims of sexual abuse surfaced last week against the candidate.
The British Government has marked International Nurses Day by vowing to do everything in their power to support nurses more during this time of crisis except pay them more money.
The Premier League’s controversial ‘Project Restart’ plan took a heavy blow today, after several clubs claimed that the plan to resume the league in front of empty stadiums would give Manchester City an unfair advantage, given how used to it they are.
A local billionaire and self-professed ‘just your average bloke who owns an island’ has called for an end to the nation-wide lockdown this morning, claiming that a “few thousand deaths here and there” should not be cause for the entire economy to be shut down.
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