EntertainmentWorldHBO Max reboot of Harry Potter to reveal that Dumbledore was actually a TERF the whole time
HealthPoliticsUKMore lockdown rule confusion after Boris confirms new restrictions don’t apply if you’re really horny
PoliticsWorldKamala Harris confirms she is looking forward to being called ‘Michelle’ from time to time
PoliticsUKBoris Johnson announces dramatic fall in child poverty after defining adulthood as legally starting at age 6
PoliticsWorldPizzaGate conspiracy theorist desperately trying to ignore Trump-shaped hole on his vision board
EntertainmentSocietyUKJK Rowling confirms in interview that Dumbledore was actually a TERF the whole time
HealthPoliticsWorldCountry that has lost 140,000 people to Coronavirus feeling reassured that President has a regular bean supplier
HealthPoliticsWorldBrazilian President Jair Bolsonaro confirms he’s only wearing a mask because his breath is so masculine, it causes women to immediately become pregnant
HealthPoliticsUKBoris Johnson pretty confident he’s done enough to get everyone to blame old people for dying
HealthPoliticsWorldDoctors confirm Ghislaine Maxwell has tested positive for new virus which causes strangulation in just two months
BusinessSocietyUKBooHoo praised for raising social awareness of Black Lives Matter by introducing slavery to its supply chain
SportsUK‘I knew this was going to be our year’ confirms Liverpool fan who’s been saying precisely that for last 30 years
PoliticsUKBoris quietly confident he’s done enough to get a really nice Christmas bonus from Dominic Cummings this year
UKBoris announces dramatic fall in child poverty after government defines adulthood as legally starting at age 6
PoliticsSportsUKLiverpool fans furious at Tory government for making them support a Manchester United player
PoliticsUKWorldHong Kong protestors considering inviting Dominic Cummings for visit so people might start giving a shit about them again
BrexitHealthPoliticsUKDominic Cummings baffled why anyone is surprised he chose to ignore the experts and ‘Leave’
HealthPoliticsScienceWorldTrump praised for uniting America as Democrats and Republicans both agree that he should be allowed to put his life in danger
BusinessHealthSportsUKPremier League clubs refusing to play in empty stadiums, insisting Manchester City would have unfair advantage
BusinessSocietyUK‘Death is a price we must be willing to pay to get our economy back’ insists billionaire isolating on private island
HealthTechnologyUKMan who has spent last six weeks inside playing Animal Crossing informed of coronavirus lockdown
