A team of doctors and medical professionals working with the FBI have confirmed to the public today that recently arrested socialite and close personal friend of Prince Andrew, Ghislaine Maxwell, has tested positive for a brand new strain of virus, which reportedly causes “acute strangulation” in just two months.
Ms Maxwell was arrested at her home earlier this week on charges of sex trafficking and aiding former financier and current murder victim, Jeffrey Epstein, in the sexual exploitation of underage girls.
The FBI has now confirmed that Ms Maxwell underwent some routine medical checks after her arrest, which have uncovered symptoms which are synonymous with the new virus, Knowtoomuchirus-20.
“After Maxwell was processed, we ran several tests on her to determine whether she had any underlying medical conditions”, said the FBI medical team in a press release.
“Unfortunately, our tests confirmed that she has all of the symptoms of a new virus we have recently seen, Knowtoomuchirus-20.
“There are a number of key identifying symptoms for this rare virus. Tiredness, shortness of breath, knowledge of heinous sex crimes committed by incredibly powerful people who will stop at nothing to stop the truth getting out – and unfortunately, Ms Maxwell exhibited all of these.
“One of the worst things about this virus is that, unfortunately, it is deadly for its host. From what we know of the virus so far, the victim will be completely fine and normal for about two months, before suddenly falling down dead with strangulation marks around their neck.
It seems the virus also affects any recording equipment that’s nearby, which gets completely wiped. It’s certainly a weird one!”
The FBI also confirmed that while there is no known cure for the virus, they are hopeful that the diagnosis will not affect their investigation into Maxwell and Epstein’s crimes.
“We’re fairly confident our investigation won’t be hampered by a completely out-of-the-blue and suspicious death of a key witness.
“That would be crazy bad luck.”