Wednesday 11 November 2020 by Runi Talwar

More lockdown rule confusion after Boris confirms new restrictions don’t apply if you’re really horny


Boris insists lockdown shouldn't apply to horny people

The British public has once again been left confused by the government after Boris announced today that the rules of the current national lockdown don’t apply if you’re really, really horny.

Speaking from a hospital room after the birth of a random child of his, Boris Johnson initially reiterated the grave importance of following the current coronavirus restrictions to the letter – however, after spotting a blonde nurse walking past, he was quick to add a ‘very important caveat’ to the guidance.

“Obviously, now more than ever, we must follow the rules and stay locked down.

“However, it is important to remember that we are all human, and we must not let our fear of the virus dictate our desire to get off with people who vaguely look like us.

“As a reminder, while we must stick to these restrictions as best we can, these restrictions do not apply in cases of emergency, like threats to life. We must remember that that includes when you’ve gone almost two days without potentially creating another baby.”

Despite the updated guidance, the British public has been left more confused than ever, primarily because the news is yet another tragic reminder that multiple different people have, at some point in their lives, agreed to sleep with Boris Johnson.

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