Government in race against time to ensure vaccine rollout is signature colossal f*ck-up

author avatar by 4 years ago

The sudden announcement by Pfizer of a coronavirus vaccine has forced the government to hastily set-up a task force to guarantee the new COVID-19 vaccine distribution will become yet another farcical clustef*ck that siphons billions to Tory cronies.

Newly appointed COVID Cock-up Czar Simon Williams, an Old Etonian and former head of a bankrupt payday loan company, admitted it would be a challenge, but insisted his team would ensure Brits have less chance of being vaccinated than an uncontacted tribe in the Amazon.

“We have a few things working for us. Unlike the rest of Europe, we can rely on Brexit completely screwing up the routes of import from Belgium, where the vaccine will be made.

“Then it’s just a matter of writing up no-bid contracts to some good chaps and ensuring vast sums of taxpayer funds are disbursed to week-old companies with a company HQ whose head office is a letterbox in Guernsey.

“Then hopefully we can see millions of doses slowly spoiling in a container sitting in Antwerp Port because the import company just set up by another Tory donor who owns a string of lap-dancing clubs doesn’t even know what a customs clearance form is, let alone how to fill it in.

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“But if that fails, we have a fallback strategy of handing over responsibility for vaccination, and therefore blame, to people who are woefully ill-prepared to organise it – like Parish councils.

“Perhaps we will give vague instructions to coordinate with local NHS trusts so no one really knows who is in charge.

“But I’m confident this will be a calamitous shambles up to the usual standards of this government.

“It’s the one thing we do well.”

A Cabinet of arseholes, get the T-shirt and mask HERE!