Sunday 24 May 2020 by Runi Talwar

Dominic Cummings baffled why anyone is surprised he chose to ignore the experts and ‘Leave’


Dominic Cummings chose to leave

Conservative Political Strategist and Father-Of-The-Year 2020 Nominee, Dominic Cummings, has emphatically defended his controversial travel during the lockdown, saying he can’t believe the entire country is surprised that he ignored all of the expert advice and decided to leave anyway.

Cummings, the Tory advisor that single-handedly masterminded the Brexit campaign with ground-breaking political moves such as lying on buses and blaming non-existent Turkish immigrants for everything, has come under heavy criticism this week after it was revealed that he took a 260-mile journey with his family despite lockdown orders and despite showing symptoms of the virus.

Cummings is now being accused of endangering the public and believing himself to be better than everyone else, an accusation which he has labelled “obvious”.

“I don’t understand why everyone is so upset about that trip”, said Cummings, speaking to reporters while coughing directly into their faces.

“If there’s one thing I’ve maintained over the course of my political career, it’s that every person in Britain has a right to ignore the experts and make poor decisions that affect the entire country for their own personal benefit.

“I’m seeing so many people calling for my resignation this week. What for exactly? What have I done wrong, apart from deliberately break a protocol that was designed to protect the public because it didn’t suit me personally? I’ve been doing that for the last four years, and they keep on promoting me!”

Cummings also took offence at the suggestion that his trip to attend his mum’s birthday party had “risked people’s lives”.

“That’s such a ridiculous notion. My trip did not ‘risk people’s lives’ – that only makes sense if you consider anyone who lives outside of London ‘people’, which no one I know does!”

“I voted Tory for a kinder, fairer society for all” – said no-one ever. Get the T-shirt!

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