New edition of Warhammer 40,000 launched ten minutes after fans finish paying off their credit cards from the last one

Fans of Warhammer 40,000 are reported to be delighted, excited and facing crippling debt after the 9th edition of the game was announced within minutes of the final instalments on the last one being paid.

The game, whose small soldiers might as well be made of solid gold rather than plastic for what they cost, made the announcement last night – leading to players taking to the Internet to express their delight and ask if anyone would like to buy their organs.

“I can’t wait to start building a new Necron army with the Silent King, and I’m hopeful black-market doctors find out I’ve got a third kidney to sell in China which will help fund it,” said 40k superfan Simon Williams.

“It’s fortunate I bought all the 8th edition codexes as burning them will help heat my home this winter as I won’t be able to afford any other sources of fuel, but maybe I can try and stay warm by vigorously painting all the new miniatures I’m going to buy.

“Just like I said last year, and the year before that now I come to think of it.”

When asked about the news, Chancellor Rishi Sunak said he put £330bn into the economy last month to support businesses by buying the Codex Astartes and the Mortarion figure with all the paints.

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