Wednesday 8 July 2020 by Runi Talwar

Boris Johnson pretty confident he’s done enough to get everyone to blame old people for dying


Boris Johnson blames old people for dying

British Prime Minister and Cummings Henchman #4, Boris Johnson, is reportedly feeling quietly confident that his recent comments on care homes have done enough to sway the public into blaming old people for their own deaths.

The prime minister sparked controversy earlier this week after he claimed that some care homes did not follow proper procedure during the coronavirus lockdown, despite there not being one.

Despite the widespread criticism his comments have seen, however, one inside source has confirmed that Boris remains convinced that voters will side with him instead of their sick, elderly and vulnerable family members.

“Boris is feeling pretty optimistic about the whole thing”, said the anonymous insider.

“He was nervous at first about the public reaction to how awful this government’s pandemic response was. But he thinks his idea to blame it on the old people for being stupid enough to die is pretty genius.

“Everyone knows that people will always respect a random politician over a member of their own family. It’s such a brilliant move, Boris thinks it will even impress his boss Dominic!”

Despite the reported optimism, when asked for comment, Johnson himself was more tight-lipped on the matter.

He said, “To reiterate what I said earlier in the week, the most important thing to remember is that the loss of life due to Covid-19 is an absolute tragedy.

“It’s not important to worry about who’s to blame, whether that’s me or the thousands of people who should have tried harder to stay alive. Who’s to say who is really the bad guy is here?”

Don’t blame me, I didn’t vote for him – get the T-shirt here!

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