‘Death is a price we must be willing to pay to get our economy back’ insists billionaire isolating on private island

author avatar by 4 years ago

A local billionaire and self-professed ‘just your average bloke who owns an island’ has called for an end to the nation-wide lockdown this morning, claiming that a “few thousand deaths here and there” should not be cause for the entire economy to be shut down.

Tarquin Edmund Williams IV, a 73-year-old businessman who self-made his billion-dollar fortune after inheriting just £900 million from his dad, has backed calls to end the coronavirus lockdown early, after the global economy took another dive last week due to the pandemic.

Mr Williams has stated that, while certain measures should be in place to protect people, the most important thing is to make sure the really wealthy people continue to make more money than they need or could ever use.

“It’s a difficult situation, I’ll admit,” Williams told us, speaking from his private island that doesn’t allow any unscreened visitors and provides hazmat suits for all staff.

“People are dying, and that’s scary for everyone. But I only made £12 million last month, and that’s very scary for me personally, which is why it’s worse.

“People need to realise that there is no good solution to this crisis, unfortunately. And while a few thousand old people dying from a preventable cause is sad, it’s nowhere near as sad as the thought that I probably won’t be able to afford a 5th Ferrari this year – and not to sound too melodramatic, but maybe not next year either.”

Mr Williams says he can empathize with people who are worried about dying or losing loved ones but says there are simple things everyone can do to minimize the risk, without having to “selfishly” shut down his personal revenue streams just because a large chunk of society might die.

He went on, “I mean, take a look at me, for example. I’m 73-years-old now, a prime example of someone who is vulnerable to this disease. But you don’t see me calling for all of society to be shut down, do you?

“It’s a bit selfish of them, really. Why can’t they think about other people and how hard it is to have to eat food that’s refrigerated all day, instead of fresh. It gives me chills just thinking about it.

“If people are worried, they can just do what I do – isolate from those around you, make sure you always wash your hands after touching any surface and have your butler wear latex gloves and feed you every four hours.

“It’s really not that hard”.