New Banksy lends evidence to theory he’s actually The Doctor
A recent suggestion by The Doctor that she’s actually Banksy has been lent credibility by the appearance of a new piece of stencilled art.
Hillary Clinton caught secretly posting letter bombs with someone else’s fingerprints on them
Pictures have emerged of Hillary Clinton posting bombs with someone else’s fingerprints all over them to make Donald Trump look bad.
Goth Father Christmas making sure everyone on his list is naughty
As Hallowe’en is Goth Christmas, their Santa is making last minute checks to ensure he only delivers presents to the naughty ones.
Vladimir Putin launches new, more competent Russian intelligence agency
Exasperated with the bungling efforts of his overseas agents, Vladimir Putin has announced his intention to replace Russia’s entire intelligence forces with more intelligent and more competent agents.
iPhone XS to include revolutionary arsehole recognition technology
The new iPhone XS will recognise the unique arsehole signature of its users and automatically log them in, according to details released today.
Trump unveils sexy, velour Space Force uniforms
The uniforms for America’s new Space Force will be designed for smooth comfort and easy access, White House sources have confirmed today.
Queen accused of sending subtle ‘coded message’ to Trump with her choice of hats
Her Majesty has courted controversy today after critics suggested her choice of hats was a calculated comment on the visiting US president.
Massive arse meets massive arse
The meeting between Kim Kardashian and Donald Trump yesterday has been described as a ‘true meeting of arses’ by White House insiders.
Tony the Tiger spotted outside local job centre
Government proposals for a ban on cartoon characters advertising sugary breakfast cereals have resulted in a number of high-profile job losses.
New ‘Warhammer Kids’ line tears hole in reality and spawns new Chaos God
The psychic shockwave amongst Warhammer fans at the idea of a ‘kids’ line has caused the warp to belch forth a new, terrible entity of Chaos.
Goths want to wish you a happy World Goth Day, but can’t because, you know, ‘happy’
Goths worldwide are acknowledging World Goth day today.
Marvel to release “Where’s Hawkeye?” Infinity War spinoff book
Comics fans will be invited to try and find the archer superhero amongst the literally hundreds of characters who appear in the film.
‘Venom’ trailer basically evil Mister Tickle
The trailer for the forthcoming ‘Venom’ superhero film has revealed the plot to be evil Mister Tickle off the Mister Men, movie insiders report.
Saint George actually a Pink Hippopotamus, historians confirm
The Patron Saint of England was not English but an effeminate pink hippo who lived with a talking bear, historians have claimed today.
Furious Goths protest as clock changes result in them losing an hour of night
Britain’s Goths have taken to the streets to protest the loss of an hour of precious, precious night due to the clocks changing tonight.
Jacob Rees-Mogg attends Black Panther screening in traditional African dress
As Black Panther storms cinemas, Jacob Rees-Mogg has got into the spirit by attending a screening in traditional African dress.
Serial draft dodger demands huge military parade in his honour
A man who gained five military deferments has demanded that people who actually joined the military march in his honour.
Jeremy Corbyn seeing his own shadow means twelve more months of capitalism
According to folklore, if Punxatawny Jez sees his own shadow today then capitalism will endure for another twelve months.
Plague zombies at the door want to know if you’ve heard the Good News about Papa Nurgle
A smartly-dressed pair of zombies at the door want to know if you’ve heard the Good News about Papa Nurgle.
White House medical examiner gives President a clean bill of health
Donald Trump weights 239lbs and is in great physical shape, the new White House doctor has confirmed in a statement.
Disney unveils latest addition to ‘Disney Princesses’ as 20th Century Fox takeover talks progress
The takeover of 20th Century Fox by Disney will allow girls to be the royalty they always wanted to be, insiders have confirmed.
Gremlin turns into hipster after drinking craft beer after midnight
A horrifying transformation overtook a family’s pet Mogwai when it was allowed to drink craft beer after midnight, according to reports this morning.
US Navy pilots apologise for drawing huge penis in the sky
Trainee navy pilots have apologised for any offence after being caught drawing a huge penis in the sky.
Next Call of Duty game to be set in the War on Christmas
The next edition of the Call of Duty franchise will be about brave local government officers forcing people to say Happy Holidays instead of Merry Christmas.
Big cuckoo added to Doomsday clock
“If we’re going out, we may as well have a laugh doing it”, the world’s atomic scientists have announced.
Sting glowing blue in the presence of orcs
Members of Sting’s backing group are understood to be concerned there might be a cave-troll after the singer began glowing blue today.
Intrepid explorers discover mysterious lost platform 14 at Manchester Piccadilly station
A plucky band of explorers claim to have discovered a mysterious ‘lost platform’ in the depths of Manchester Piccadilly station today.
Sense of nameless dread about UK economy mostly due to new non-euclidean pound coin
The introduction of blasphemous, non-euclidean features will make the pound more stable than it currently is, the Treasury has promised.
Heckler & Koch release fully automatic ‘thoughts and prayers’ gun
A new firearm capable of spraying a sustained barrage of up to 500 empty platitudes a minute has been released by America’s premier home defence manufacturer today.
Zombies at the door would like to talk to you about Baron Samedi
A smartly-dressed pair of zombies at the door want to know if you’ve heard the Good News about Baron Samedi.
