A plucky band of explorers claim to have discovered a mysterious ‘lost platform’ in the depths of Manchester Piccadilly station today.
“The legend of platform 14 is a common myth amongst the tribes of Manchester, and they’ve been telling it to anthropologists and missionaries for many years, but it was just dismissed as crazy mumbo-jumbo,” said Sir Simon Williams-Smythe- Smythe-Browne of the Royal Geographical Society.
“No platform could exist so far from the main body of the station, surely? Building one so far away would be the height of folly to say the least.
“However, what is intrepid exploration for, if not to seek the rum, the uncanny, and the downright peculiar in the dark corners of the Earth? So off we went.”
Led by native guides and harassed at every step by chuggers and one-footed pigeons, the team of explorers fought their way down the ‘uncivilised Hell’ of platform 7 at half five on a Friday afternoon and into the recesses of Darkest Manchester just over the road from the Star and Garter.
“You could have taken my breath away when we saw it; beautiful, majestic, wonderful. Who built this long-forgotten platform? And for what purpose was it hidden away so far from the sight of mortal man? I expect we’ll never unravel all the mysteries of this place.”
When asked if he’d used the platform to catch a train, Sir Simon said, “Fuck that, the trains go to Liverpool and there’s only so much one explorer can stand.”