‘Insufficient evidence’ is the new ‘total exoneration’, confirms Donald Trump
President Donald Trump has confirmed that ‘complete exoneration’ is now shorthand for ‘insufficient evidence’ in the United States.
Labour leader who voted against Labour more than 500 times introduces zero-tolerance on voting against Labour
The Labour leader who voted against Labour more than 500 times in parliament has introduced a zero-tolerance approach on voting against Labour.
Lieutenant Frank Drebin to be revealed as ‘H’ in shocking Line of Duty plot twist
Lieutenant Frank Drebin will be revealed as mysterious crime boss ‘H’ in a stunning plot twist in Sunday’s series finale of Line of Duty.
Tottenham Hotspur medics criticised for telling Theon Greyjoy to ‘run it off’
Tottenham Hotspur medics have been criticised after urging Theon Greyjoy to ‘play on’ following his ‘unfortunate collision’ with the Night King.
Queen’s normal morning newspaper mysteriously replaced by Japan Times during breakfast with Prince Charles
The Queen has had her usual morning newspaper mysteriously replace by The Japan Times during breakfast with the Prince of Wales.
Man who has been a full-time MEP for the last 20 years ‘returns to politics’
Nigel Farage has launched his new Brexit Party’s European election campaign as his return to front-line politics – despite being paid as a full-time MEP for the last 20 years.
Joe Biden announces latest Democrat plan to hand Trump another election win
Former US vice-president Joe Biden has announced the latest Democratic plan to hand Donald Trump the keys to the White House again.
Roy Keane to play villain in new James Bond film
Manchester United legend Roy Keane will play a villain in the 25th official James Bond film, producers have announced.
God confirms House of Commons leak was test for Great Flood II
A spokesman for God has confirmed yesterday’s leak in the House of Commons was a test for the start of another Great Flood.
Prime Minister dismisses extra-police plan as April Fools’ joke
Prime Minister Theresa May has dismissed proposals to employ more police officers to tackle knife crime as an April Fools Day prank.
WWE add Jacob Rees-Mogg v Philip Hammond ‘Brexit showdown’ to Wrestlemania
Two of Britain’s most prominent politicians will finally settle their Brexit differences with a match at next weekend’s Wrestlemania.
“Me, me, me, me, me”: Boris Johnson clarifies position on Brexit
Boris Johnson today clarified his stance on Brexit by insisting: “Me, me, me, me, me.”
Sir Christopher Chope tipped to ‘put the dick in indicative votes’
Conservative MP Sir Christopher Chope was today tipped as the man to put the ‘dick’ in indicative votes.
‘Principled’ Brexiters promise to vote for deal they think is terrible as long as their boss promises to resign
Senior Brexit-backing MPs last night proved their love for Britain by promising to vote for a deal they think is bad for the country if it furthers their careers.
Donald Trump celebrates as Mueller report leaves sexism, misogyny, racism, adultery, climate-change denial, possible obstruction of justice, lying and stupidity as only lingering blemishes on his character
Donald Trump was left celebrating today after the publication of the Mueller report left his reputation in the clear – apart from claims of sexism, misogyny, racism, adultery with a porn star, climate-change denial, possible obstruction of justice, serial dishonesty and stupidity.
Team INEOS to demonstrate green credentials by recycling jiffy bags
Bosses of Britain’s top cycling team have reassured environmental campaigners they plan to prove their green credentials by recycling jiffy bags.
Durham County Cricket appoint Skeletor as ‘sporting consultant’
Durham have dropped a second major bombshell in the space of 24 hours by appointing Skeletor to advise on ‘all cricket-related operations’.
Cersei Lannister uses TV address to tell Westeros peasants “I’m on your side”
Ruthless dictator Cersei Lannister has assured the peasants of Westeros that she is ‘on their side’.
Red-faced Theresa May accidentally asks EU for extension to her garage
A confused Theresa May is preparing for a crunch summit with a team of Brussels builders after accidentally asking EU leaders for an extension to her garage.
Brexiter MPs furious at John Bercow for stopping them abandoning their principles
Leave-supporting MPs have been left fuming after speaker John Bercow denied them the chance to vote through a Brexit deal they claimed was crap a week ago.
