Sir Christopher Chope tipped to ‘put the dick in indicative votes’

author avatar by 5 years ago

Conservative MP Sir Christopher Chope was today tipped as the man to put the ‘dick’ in indicative votes.

The controversial Tory backbencher was backed by colleagues to offer the most ridiculous solutions possible to the Brexit crisis in a House of Commons already overflowing with nonsense.

A day after suggesting youngsters should learn martial arts to avoid deadly knife attacks, Sir Christopher will be one of the MPs charged with avoiding more Brexit chaos.

A fellow Tory said: “On a day when weird suggestions and crazy votes are expected to dominate, I have had a few quid in a party sweepstake that Sir Christopher will be the most outrageous of all.

“This is, after all, the man who did his best to block a bill protecting wild animals being used in circuses, another which limited hospital parking charges, and one that would have made ‘upskirting’ a criminal offence.

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“And only this week he suggested to chief constables that kids should get fitter or learn karate or judo to help them avoid becoming the victims of knife crime.

“So if he has any say in the wording of the indicative votes, we will probably find ourselves locked into a customs union with Narnia or building a wall in the middle of the English Channel.”

But other MPs insisted Sir Christopher would face stiff competition for the title of ‘most ridiculous contributor to the debate’.

“Sir Christopher will be tough to beat, but there will be plenty keen to rise to the challenge,” said one backbencher.

“No doubt Boris Johnson will come up with a meaningless biblical reference with nothing of substance to support it.

“Michael Fabricant will have his usual hairdo, which makes him a challenger before he actually says anything.

“And, given his love of invoking the Second World War, don’t rule out Mark Francois tabling an amendment demanding a repeat of the D-Day landings.”