Man more excited by new Rammstein single than his own wedding

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Local metalhead Simon ‘Deathstorm’ Williams is more excited by news of a new Rammstein single tomorrow than he was the night before his own wedding, we can report.

Williams, who described his marriage to long-term girlfriend Simone as ‘a dream come true’ and ‘the happiest day of my life’, has not mentioned that he’s now way more excited about tomorrow than he was then.

Simon described his wedding day as a beautiful moment of love surrounded by friends and family, but went on to observe there had been no flamethrowers or explosions and he’d been expressly forbidden from crowdsurfing to the altar in an inflatable dinghy.

“Simone means the world to me and everything, but this is Rammstein,” he told friends, very quietly.

“The day before is a massive wave of conflicting emotions – anticipation, hope, fear, happiness, trepidation…that worry that would everything be the same afterwards? Would all the dreams and longing be repaid, or would it go horribly wrong leaving the rest of my life an empty wasteland of bitterness and regret?

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“Anyway, the day before my wedding was fairly similar to that, just not as good.

“With the best will in the world, I’ve only been with Simone six years, which is about a third as long as Till Lindemann has been special to me.”