Articles By waylandsmithy

US scientists discover that chimps lack an ‘innate sense of capitalism’

North Face launches range of gravy-proof clothing for the ‘indoorsy type’

Surgeons celebrate as investment banker fitted with world’s first artificial conscience

Britons ‘pretty sure’ their opinions on US presidential election still matter a f*ck

English bulldogs now so ‘hopelessly inbred’ they’re on verge of joining Britain First

Cocaine users seek assurance new plastic notes are BPA-free

BBC Building in London

BBC quits ‘broadcasting’ to focus on ‘licence fee harassment’ business

Britons still ‘pretty sure’ their opinions on US election matter a f*ck

English bulldogs now so ‘hopelessly inbred’ they’re on verge of joining EDL

Outrage as child’s favourite story mocks adult’s favourite story

UK

Dog ‘furious’ after do-gooders smash his car windows again

Health

Consumers urged to wash salad before scraping it into the bin

UK

‘New’ stealth plane ‘had been here for ages’

UK

Vodafone to find new country in which to avoid paying tax

People that disagree with you are stupid, finds science

Entertainment

Harry Potter fans disappointed to learn new ‘film’ is a play

Magic mushrooms can also treat colds, insists weirdo

Entertainment

Ramsay Bolton goes ‘too far’, eats raw cooking apple

Can that doesn't look very friendly

Science

Cats also hate being hugged, confirms heavily lacerated man

Top Gear announces spin-off apology show

Shock as awful shop closes

Brazil rebrands Zika virus as ‘Olympic Fever’

Self-aware trifle robot ‘not good enough’ for Bake Off judges

Man’s ‘spa weekend’ consisted of pork pie, damp dog and pint of mild

woman unhappy in the office

Transgender employee overlooked for promotion ‘finally feels like a real woman’

UK

Christians to mark occasion of botched execution in Middle East

UK

Doomsday prepper already uncorking first bottle of own piss

Everyone amazed that ‘contempt of Parliament’ is a crime

Queen ‘doesn’t recall’ ever taking Nick Clegg seriously

Sharapova only took drug ‘to treat her dog for diabetes’

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