BBC quits ‘broadcasting’ to focus on ‘licence fee harassment’ business

author avatar by 8 years ago

The BBC has revealed plans to gradually move away from the distraction of broadcasting, so that it can focus on its core business of harassing people to buy a TV licence.

Accountants have noticed that broadcasting TV shows actually cost the corporation money. However, scaring the snot out of students and single mums remains highly lucrative.

“It’s a no-brainer,” said the BBC’s director of money, Simon Williams.

“Every time we show a programme, it’s as if an urchin has gone through my pockets.

“But send a ‘fright-van’ round to a pensioner, and I feel like I’ve had a bit of a win on the lottery. I’m surprised our competitors aren’t trying this.”

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Williams revealed that the BBC has been gradually phasing out broadcasting in recent years, by subtly not bidding to retain their most popular shows.

“They’ll watch them on ITV anyway,” he revealed, “and that’s what’s really important.

“As long as they’ve got their telly on, our inspectors can catch them in the act.”

Williams refused to reveal how many of his licence fee staff earn less than £150k a year.

“I think that’s a distraction,” he insisted.

“We have to pay a top price to retain our ‘talent’.”