Monday 3 August 2020 by Waylandsmithy

Britons ‘pretty sure’ their opinions on US presidential election still matter a f*ck


US election

People across Britain are still ‘fairly optimistic’ that their opinions on the US presidential election are worth a toss to anyone on the other side of the Atlantic.

With America set for their choice between two mentally-declining grabby overly-grabby old men, Britons are keen to let Americans know how they should vote.

“I think the people of America respect us, and they listen when we tell them what we think,” said opinion holder and amateur Twitterist Simon Williams.

“For example: if I hadn’t pointed it out, I doubt they’d have noticed that Trump has really shit hair and a bright orange face.

“Or that he speaks with all the fluency of a child learning its second language. I’m sure they’re all very grateful to me for pointing that out.”

Williams had previously tried to bring Britain’s attention to Boris Johnson’s equally shit hair, with less than spectacular results.

“Yes, with hindsight, I think we can agree that I didn’t mention Boris’ shit hair enough to sway the UK away from making him the prime minister,” he admitted.

This voice of reason now realises that his attitude may have been a little patronising in the past.

He conceded that some Americans may be bright enough to comprehend a slightly more complex level of debate.

“And that’s why I’m letting America know some key facts about Trump on social media”, exclaimed Williams.

“For instance, did you know that he has tiny hands and secretly fancies his own daughter?

“You’re welcome America.”

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