English bulldogs now so ‘hopelessly inbred’ they’re on verge of joining EDL

author avatar by 7 years ago

A group of stumpy dogs from a tiny island are now so irreversibly inbred, that they are considering joining the EDL.

English bulldogs, a breed famous for its stocky body and munting face, doesn’t so much have a family tree, as a well-chewed stick.

Experts claim that the only way to save the breed is to cross them with immigrants, a suggestion dismissed by disabled bulldog, Buster Williams.

“I’m…wheeze…not goin’ ter tolerate bein’ made to live wiv sum Afghan hound,” gasped Buster, through his one good eye.

“An’ I aint never touchin’ a black lab wiv a…huhhhh…ten-foot barge pole. Although I wouldn’t say no to a nice blonde one.”

Buster did reveal that he’d also consider a much younger bitch from Thailand, but only if it was also a fully qualified guide dog.

“I could do wiv a helper, I aint ser good at gettin’ raarnd as I was,” he stammered, “in the first three weeks of me life. That was when me nose closed up, an’ me legs went ter cock.”

The kennel club confirmed that it did recognise the Thai Ridgeback as a breed, but weren’t sure it was a suitable mate for Buster.

“They’re generally attractive and fit, with lovely long legs”, said a spokesman.

“They’re unlikely to copulate with Buster, they wouldn’t stoop that low.”