Vodafone has threatened to move its headquarters abroad, as soon as it can find another country where it can avoid paying tax.
“As a global company, you’d think Vodafone would be more important to the UK government,” said CEO Adolf Strangler.
“Obviously I don’t mean in crude terms such as tax receipts: I’m talking about invites to gala dinners, on one of my yachts.”
Strangler insisted that Vodafone’s unique approach to customer service meant it could easily relocate, without fear of seeing any long-term improvement.
“The ‘Rat’s Arse’ model enables us to exploit wage slaves from almost anywhere in the world”, he explained.
“If you add up what that saves us it’s a massive number, although my accountants would dispute that.”
The UK is just one country where Vodafone doesn’t pay any corporation tax, although uniquely it is the only country where it’s actually based.
“If you look at our tax returns, you’ll see we didn’t pay anything in Tonga, the Easter Islands or Antarctica either,” explained Strangler.
“And yet just because we don’t turn over £40 billion a year in those areas, Britain thinks it should be treated a little differently.”
Vodafone is currently considering relocating its headquarters to a balloon on the edge of space, or Luxembourg, which has a similar tax regime.