Harry Potter fans disappointed to learn new ‘film’ is a play

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Fans of Harry Potter have reacted with bitter fury, after learning that the latest episode is only available as a ‘play’.

Would-be Hufflepuff Simon Williams tried to book a 3D showing of Harry Potter and the Cursed Child, only to discover that he would have to endure a far less immersive stage performance.

“It was weird, I can’t see it catching on at all,” said Williams.

“Although to be fair, I used to think that about the IMAX.

“I guess I’ll have to ignore all this lo-tech stuff and just wait until it comes out on Bluray.”

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Simon was surprised to learn that plays aren’t a new invention: they are in fact a primitive precursor to what we now call ‘TV’.

“It was laughably naive, they had a bunch of people pretending they were appearing on a real screen,” Williams revealed. “But you could see they were just on this flat bit of wood.

There was further controversy over the casting.

“It’s bad enough that the books veered away from the original films, but whoever directed this rubbish was taking some liberties,” he fumed.

“I suspected he hadn’t been paying attention when he’d cast a black actress as Hermione. But why the fuck was Harry Potter being played by an adult?”