After years of controversial allegations against him, comedian Russell Brand has confessed today that he did shoot the sheriff, but that the sheriff was 16 at the time of the incident, and that it was a consensual act.
Local man Simon Williams has announced that he has voluntarily chosen to give up his driving licence after a discussion with a magistrate.
With the summer solstice over for another year, the wanker in your office has just proclaimed that the nights are drawing in now.
A state of emergency was declared in bed last night when it was discovered that the cool side of the pillow was also hot.
With the summer solstice over for another year, the wanker in your office has just proclaimed that the nights are drawing in now.
With the UK once again humiliated by its European neighbours at the Eurovision Song Contest, Brexiters have demanded a complete withdrawal from the competition, and for it to be replaced by a Commonwealth Song Contest.
The nation’s unmarried men have all left for work early this morning, and won’t be back until after midnight in an attempt to avoid leap day marriage proposals.
In a shock result after a bitterly-contested referendum campaign, turkeys have voted in favour of Christmas by 52% to 48%.
46-year-old Simon Williams from Hertfordshire has declared that it’s now “too hot”, despite having spent the past three months complaining about it being too cold. The precious little petal, known as Goldilocks to his friends, has spent the morning refilling his water bottle from the cold tap then holding it to his head, and ostentatiously
With just 37 games to go until the end of the Premier League season, the maths is simple: Man Utd are in control of their Premier League destiny.
A state of emergency was declared in bed last night when it was discovered that the cool side of the pillow was also hot.
With the summer solstice over for another year, the wanker in your office has just proclaimed that the nights are drawing in now.
With Britain again expecting failure at the hands of its European neighbours at the Eurovision Song Contest, Brexiteers have demanded a complete withdrawal from the competition, and for it to be replaced by a Commonwealth Song Contest.
Following another mass shooting that has left 10 dead in Monterey Park in California, author of the Second Amendment, James Madison, has angrily spoken out from beyond the grave to insist he meant the ‘right to bear arms that existed in 1791’.
Following another mass shooting that has left 19 school children dead, author of the Second Amendment, James Madison, has angrily spoken out from beyond the grave to insist he meant the ‘right to bear arms that existed in 1791’.
Journalists have today published more startling and completely unexpected revelations leaked from the Pandora papers, this time revealing that bears shit in the woods.
A state of emergency was declared in bed last night when it was discovered that the cool side of the pillow was also hot.
A state of emergency was declared in bed last night when it was discovered that the cool side of the pillow was also hot.
Middle-class couple Simon and Simone Williams were today dithering over exactly when they should ask their cleaner to stop coming in the wake of the coronavirus pandemic.
The unprecedented use of the word ‘unprecedented’ in recent weeks is now unprecedented, according to Oxford English Dictionary researcher Simon Williams.
The nation’s unmarried men have all left for work early this morning, and won’t be back until after midnight in an attempt to avoid leap day marriage proposals.
Newly-promoted Aston Villa have made a strong start to their first top-flight campaign after three seasons away, storming to third place in the Premier League.
Richard Curtis and Danny Boyle have unveiled their new film ‘Yesterday’, depicting a world where a man wakes from a coma and no one has heard of Brexit.
The Duckworth-Lewis Amendment to the Brexit Withdrawal Agreement, to be voted on in parliament this week, will see the UK enter a permanent customs union with the EU if it is raining on March 29th.
Maybot, the plucky little robot that won a nation’s heart with her lengthy mission to deliver a Brexit deal, has finally expired, delivering a last poignant message that her battery was low and it was getting dark.
Samantha Cameron has today reassured her husband, former Prime Minister David Cameron, that he’ll probably be mainly remembered for legalising same-sex marriage, and not anything else.
In what is believed to be a subtly coded message about the current Brexit impasse in parliament, the Queen has said ‘Fuck this shit’ and re-established an absolute monarchy in the United Kingdom.
A ghostly white Fiat Uno was seen fleeing the scene of Prince Philip’s car crash, according to eyewitnesses this evening.
The scriptwriters of the long-running British TV saga ‘Brexit’ have admitted today that they have no idea how to write the season finale, due to be broadcast on March 29th.
The promised sunlit uplands of Brexit have today been revealed to be full of dogshit and broken glass with Chancellor Philip Hammond’s admission that the UK will be worse off under all Brexit scenarios.
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