Monday 10 August 2020 by Andrew

Cool side of the pillow also hot

Cool side of pillow also hot

A state of emergency was declared in bed last night when it was discovered that the cool side of the pillow was also hot.

The tragic discovery was made at 3:51am, with over three hours still to go before the blessed relief of the alarm clock.

Like inserting a USB lead, an attempt was made to go back to the original side of the pillow in case that turned out to be the cool side after all, but it soon became clear that there simply was no longer a cool side, and that all hope was lost.

Professor Simon Williams, from the physics department of Cambridge University, explained the phenomenon in terms of an advanced heuristic thermodynamic modelling system: “It was fucking roasting.”

Sources close to the scene reported that also the fucking birds had started singing outside the fucking window.

Experts also predict that futile attempts to turn the pillow over will continue across the country this evening, with huge increases in tetchiness expected tomorrow.

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