The geological composition of Mount Rushmore would not fairly portray Donald Trump’s likeness, the President has been told today.
After asking if he could have his face added to the landmark, those in charge of preserving the monument were forced to tell him it wouldn’t work out, after they had eventually stopped laughing.
“There are a number of factors which influence whether someone can be added to the monument,” explained Chuck Williams, head of Mount Rushmore’s tourism board.
“Little things – like having achieved something noteworthy for the betterment of life in America at any point in your presidency, instead of killing 1,000 Americans per day, and not having a face that looks like a sunburned tangerine.
“The Trump presidency will definitely go down in the record books, and will be studied by academics for generations to come – but what it won’t be, is looked at as a golden era led by a very stable genius.
“There are at least 150 other people ahead of him in the queue, and we’ve only had 45 presidents.”
The logistics of creating a Trump likeness in Mount Rushmore would also prove difficult to overcome.
Williams went on, “Try and imagine just how much bright orange clay we’d have to slap on the mountain to do him justice.
“And that’s before you get to his hair. We’d have to find some wild, wavy, blonde-ish grey scrubs to add to the top, but even then that would be an improvement on how he actually looks.”
He concluded, “Mind you, it would be good to update it a bit. Perhaps we’ll chisel Barack Obama’s beautiful visage on the mountain for a laugh, just to see the look on Trump’s face.”