Monday 10 August 2020 by Mark Molloy

Couple’s argument over who had the worst night’s sleep spills into third hour


couple arguing about who slept least in the heat

A couple, who hardly slept a wink last night due to the extreme heat and humidity in their bedroom have entered their third hour of intense arguing over who actually slept the least.

As record temperatures hit many parts of the UK yesterday, millions of people have risen today after a long uncomfortable night of broken sleep, which was much worse than the rest of the house.

A tired-looking Simon Williams from Bristol told us, “I don’t think I slept for one single minute last night, it was absolutely awful.

“I definitely saw every hour whilst the wife was fast asleep, I just can’t function today, it’s horrendous.

“I know she’s saying she was awake all night too, but that’s just some bollocks excuse to be in a fucking narky mood all day.”

“He’s taking absolutely shit,” said wife Karen.

“I didn’t get a second of sleep, I was awake the whole night.

“I know he got some sleep because I heard him snoring his arse off at 3 o’clock, when I really couldn’t sleep, because of the heat. I mean, unless he’s suddenly learned to snore when he’s awake? Which we all know he hasn’t, the lying arse.

“He’s only saying he got less sleep than me to pretend he’s ‘tired’ to try and get out of doing any fucking jobs around the house all day, the lazy twat.”

Asked if it’s possible that they actually both got about the same amount of broken sleep overall we were told, “No, we didn’t, fuck off.”

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