Former cabinet minister and jailbird Jonathan Aitken has been giving advice to Chris Huhne, as he faces the ‘dehumanising’ experience of being repeatedly asked to tell other immoral scumbag MPs what prison life is really like.
Evergreen opportunist George Galloway has expressed his ‘deep admiration’ for the recently deceased Hugo Chavez, in a phone call from the first flight to Caracas.
Teen heart-throb Justin Beiber incensed parents at the O2 yesterday, when he started singing before many of them could leave.
An elderly monarch has spent nearly two days abandoned in a hospital corridor, after staff mistook her for normal old woman.
Fans of bland booze are suing the makers of Budweiser, claiming the flavour became ‘dangerously overwhelming’ after it was fortified with water.
Market-leading religion Roman Catholicism Inc. could be facing its biggest test yet; a hostile take-over bid from a group of private equity druids.
Britain’s most senior Roman Catholic cleric has resigned, following allegations that he tried it on with males well past the age of consent.
A notorious sex pest is seeking legal advice, after it was claimed he was part of a Liberal Democrat ring.
The route of Hadrian’s Wall 2, a ruinously expensive unlink between Scotland and the South, has been revealed by Ministers in London.
Analysis of the latest Census has shown that 620,000 white British left London over the last decade – roughly the number of BBC middle managers who were packed off to Manchester.
Police in South Africa have discovered more damning evidence against Oscar Pistorius, in the form of two perfectly functional legs in the back of his wardrobe.
Israel’s intelligence service, Mossad, has claimed to have found large amounts of rock beneath Iran, clear evidence that the country is developing a deadly meteorite capability.
The LAPD has reassured gun fans that owning lots of firearms is safe, after their good guys gunned down a good guy gone bad.
Millionaire Catholic Tony Blair has been revealed as the next Pope, a role he’s described as ‘quite an honour really I suppose, if you think about it’.
A rural think-tank has urged city dwellers to stop using wild animals as unpaid domestic staff, particularly carnivores who can’t produce decent references.
The trusty British cat could be on its way out, after it was voted the UK’s least useful gadget.
Sir James Dyson has released a bidet that will whip up a storm in even the smallest bathroom, and send shivers through competitors and customers alike.
Foreign Secretary William Hague has revealed that Britain’s war on moths may be in the final stages, after decades of skirmishing with the ‘dusty-winged little bastards’.
David Cameron was forced into an embarrassing climbdown today, after attempting to invest some loose truffles at a foodbank.
A lengthy yet cursory audit of the Office of Fair Trading has revealed just what an exceptional quango it is, reported the Office of Fair Trading today.
A cardboard box that was once used to store beefburgers has been recognised as the first of a new breed of child minder.
Riot police in Greece have taken decisive action against a horse that’s refused to pull its weight for the past nine days.
With so many foreigners to kill and not enough time to do it, the US Army has finally agreed to allow women to become desensitized monsters.
Doctors have finally proved a theory that has been debated for years: drinking alcohol can help you pass out.
A sign alleged to have been photographed in an Australian library has been revealed as a rather obvious hoax.
Stare at the Newsthump liveblog, as we keep you up to date with all the latest seasonal weather that’s landing in your face.
Disgruntled spacemen have struck a blow against mechanised planetary exploration, by ransacking the factory that produces the fully automated Mars Rover.
Researchers from the fiscal chimp centre at Emory University have failed to find capitalism coursing through the brains of our ancestors.
In a move bound to shock the scientific community, the BBC has announced that Brian Cox will be replaced by Bruce Forsyth in future editions of ‘Stargazing’.
Officials behind North Korea’s glorious internet are considering adding a second page.
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