Cardboard boxes recognised as ‘child minders’

A cardboard box that was once used to store beefburgers has been recognised as the first of a new breed of child minder.

The box, which is slightly soiled but generally sound, retrained as a carer during a strenuous half-day course.

To show that its capable of shaping future generations, it now proudly bears a label that reads ‘Fragile’.

Children’s Minister Liz Truss praised the box’s ability to store kids of a wide range of weights and sizes.

“Child care has become a headache for millions of working families”, acknowledged Truss. “Especially if unlike me, you can’t afford a nanny.”

“This box represents a new generation of offspring storage solutions”, explained Truss, “it has a much higher capacity than the conventional ‘young girl in a tabard’.”

Child care arrangements

While the old-fashioned child minder can look after three children at most, the new box can carry up to 19.

“That figure will vary depending on how awkward the kids are”, noted Truss. “We’re asking them to try to be flexible.”

Truss hopes that by stacking boxes of children no more than five high, nurseries should be able to make bigger profits.

“I suppose they could lower the costs, but that might let in the riff-raff”, she suggested. “I’m not sure some of their kids will be as capable of ‘thinking inside the box’.”

The cardboard carer features ‘air holes’ in its long list of qualifications, and is adapting well to being packed with a different type of meat.

“I had thought of working in a care home for the elderly”, said the box. “I’m just as good with valuable young commodities as I am with old, unwanted waste”.

“Unfortunately, I’m not really made of the right stuff for that role. MPs have given all those jobs to airtight plastic bags.”