Friday 25 January 2013 by Waylandsmithy

Greek riot police lead horse to water, force hose up its bottom

Riot police in Greece have taken decisive action against a horse that’s refused to pull its weight for the past nine days.

The beast of burden had complained that it couldn’t carry passengers on 25% less food and water, and was considering quitting being a horse if things didn’t improve.

Clearly tired and hungry, the nag had staged a stand-in at a busy square in Athens, causing traffic jams and a slight increase in the sale of Polos.

Using emergency legislation, the Greek government ordered police to force the horse to water, where it was hoped it would drop its defiant stance and suck it up.

Greek protest

Eschewing the carrot for the stick, 100 officers raided the horse at dawn and dragged it to a three-quarter sized trough. Reports confirm that the target offered little resistance to police, because it was a horse.

“If we want to put off the inevitable collapse of this animal, we need to comply with the IMF’s conditions, you don’t look a gift-horse in the mouth”, insisted Greek PM Antonis Samaras.

“That’s why my officers are working with a length of hose to add liquidity from a different direction. I’ve promised Angela Merkel we won’t give it quite as much as it needs.”

Samaras has promised to visit the stables shortly to quench any remaining thirst with a rousing speech, but has admitted to problems with his transport arrangements.

“The train drivers are complaining that they can’t work with black eyes and broken ribs. I’ve tried motivating them with baton rounds but now they’re staging a lie-in: trying to save Greece feels like I’m flogging a dead horse.”

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