After the Office of National Statistics revealed the UK economy had shrunk by 0.3% in the last quarter of 2012, biscuit giant McVitie’s has hired George Osborne to market their new range of ‘triple-dip’ digestives.
The biscuit, which McVitie’s claim is impervious to the rigours of repeated plunges into caffeine based products purchased on the free market, is said to have been inspired by the approach the chancellor had taken to reviving the country’s economy.
Osborne was quick to express his joy at aligning himself with a product renowned for coming out intact at the other end of a triple-dipping.
“Let there be no mistake, the economy is flatlining like a crack-addled invertebrate.”
“So, the opportunity to marry the country’s inevitable decline into a triple-dip recession, with the lining of my own pockets at McVitie’s expense, is me playing my trump card before the nation plays its own in 2015.”
“And remember ‘there ain’t no dip without a McVitie’s triple-dip.”
Osborne moved to rebuff claims this would be the signal for a raft of MP’s who are shit at their jobs to cash in on their poor performance.
“I very much doubt we’ll see people like Nick Clegg branching out to market a student sugar-daddy site, for example.”
“Although, I wouldn’t fully rule out Ed Milliband advertising viagra.”