Israel’s intelligence service, Mossad, has claimed to have found large amounts of rock beneath Iran, clear evidence that the country is developing a deadly meteorite capability.
Speaking from inside a bin to protect his identity, Mossad agent Golan Aharoni ejected a small pebble from his hiding place, claiming it was a ‘key component’ in Iran’s gravity-powered weapon.
“Our agents risked their lives to retrieve this, from a secret location in the Zagros mountains. A CIA geologist told us the region may have been developing similar rocks for millions of years.”
Aharoni described how the meteorite was first spotted on Google Earth, which led to a mission to investigate further, using their most discreet methods of bombing.
“Everywhere we looked, we uncovered more and more rock”, said Aharoni.
“This proves they’re developing a meteorite roughly the size of Iran.”
Iran’s Meteorite program
While Iran lacks a missile capable of delivering itself from space, Aharoni warned other world leaders that it wasn’t just Israel that was at risk.
“We also discovered smaller meteorites that could be hidden in a suitcase”, he claimed.
“They don’t show up on airport X-rays and although they’re hard to carry, it’s just a matter of time before a really strong terrorist delivers one to London, New York or Paris.”
To emphasise the threat, Mossad has made a video of a meteorite simulation, in which a cheesecake is smashed to pieces by a man with a hammer.
“Imagine that the hammer is a rock, and then imagine that the imaginary rock is a theoretical meteorite, roughly 800 miles across”, suggested Aharoni.
“I don’t know about you, but I quite like cheesecake, so these bastards must be stopped.”
Israel is looking to develop its own meteorite as a deterrent, once they find a piece of land suitable for stripping of all life and then wiping off the map.
“We’ve been working on it for some time”, admitted Aharoni. “Somewhere about the size of Palestine should do it.”