Queen ‘left on corridor gurney for 48 hours’

author avatar by 11 years ago

An elderly monarch has spent nearly two days abandoned in a hospital corridor, after staff mistook her for normal old woman.

Queen Elizabeth II was admitted to the Kind Edward VII hospital in London, after eating a kebab she found down the side of Prince Philip’s favourite armchair.

Foul-smelling, cold and leaving a sour taste in the mouth, Prince Philip regularly leaves Greek fast-food lying about in the palace.

The hospital has apologised for misplacing the Queen, but claimed it was hard to recognise her, with her head in a sick bucket.

“Even though we’re a private hospital, we still follow the same guidelines as the NHS”, claimed leading collywobblologist Dr Greening.

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“This is standard practice for dealing with unwanted old people.”

Queen left on gurney

Dr Greening promised to find the Queen a place on a ward ‘as soon as possible’, at which point she would receive the recognised treatment for being a bed blocker.

“It’s fairly routine”, he explained. “Leave them laying in their own filth, ignore their pleas for food or a glass of water, and they usually end up leaving the hospital one way or another.”

Dr Greening thinks that the NHS can learn a lot from the private sector.

“Patients tend to bother us less if they have access to Sky Movies”, he suggested.

But the hospital denied tagging the Royal Toe with a ‘do not resuscitate’ label. As Greening insisted, “That looks very much like it’s in Prince Charles’ handwriting.”