Monday 25 February 2013 by Waylandsmithy

Sex pest denies being a Liberal Democrat

A notorious sex pest is seeking legal advice, after it was claimed he was part of a Liberal Democrat ring.

In a documentary screened by Channel 4, it was claimed that the pervert had sickened a string of women, by trying to convince them to ‘try a third way’.

“It was humiliating”, claimed political activist Geraldine Hooper. “I expect to be treated badly by MPs but that’s all part of the job, when you work in a house full of public-schooled arseholes.”

“But to be pressured into performing a U-turn on university tuition fees? That’s the sort of thing that sickens me to the stomach.”

Hooper claims the influential groper forced her to agree to a string of obscene acts, including one on welfare reform, and another involving dead badgers.

“There were no depths he wouldn’t plumb in his attempts to take me up the middle”, wept Hooper.

“These Lib Dems are obsessed with trying out compromising positions.”

Lib Dem accusations

Nick Clegg refused to be drawn into controversy, and claimed he ‘couldn’t remember’ ever knowingly being a Liberal Democrat himself.

Grainy images of the deputy-PM have surfaced on the internet, which appear to show him wearing a yellow rosette.

“I can’t comment on those for legal reasons”, said Clegg, “but as my lawyer has explained, it’s hard to positively identify me in any of these shots.”

“It could have been anyone in Cameron’s bedroom, wearing that gimp mask.”

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