David Cameron was forced into an embarrassing climbdown today, after attempting to invest some loose truffles at a foodbank.
Cameron admitted he was ‘unfamiliar’ with the intricacies of food banking, but had asked George Osborne for advice on how best to gain from the new craze.
“When George and I first heard that poor people were ‘dabbling in the markets’, we assumed they were going through the bins once the stall holders had left”, explained Cameron.
“But it seems we underestimated the plebs and it’s deeply encouraging to see them investing so readily in ‘foodbanks’. I’d only been there an hour and already I could see the hunger in their eyes.”
George Osborne politely forced his way to front of the queue, and demanded to know what sort of returns he could expect on an unfinished pastie.
Clearly confused, a volunteer set about the Chancellor using a filthy ladle, which Osborne took as sign that the markets were rather bullish.
Food banking in crisis
However, during Cameron’s attempt to speculate on truffles Osborne noticed something was wrong, and warned that foodbanks might not be such a good thing after all.
“Instead of putting spare food away so that they may eat when they reach retirement, I noticed most of the scum were desperately making withdrawals”, confided Osborne.
“This was one of those ‘run on the banks’ I’d heard of, and I told Cameron we might be better off pouring our wealth into ‘shares’.”
“And I was right: these new grouse-flavoured Pringles are an absolute joy to pass around.”